I Think I May Be Pregnant Again...Fingers Crossed

[Viperbunny]

On September 16, 2011, I gave birth to my Amelia at about 29 weeks by emergency c section. She died six days after birth from trisomy 18. It's been an emotional few months. I lost my grandfather in January 4 months to the day of my daughter's funeral, and it has felt like I couldn't catch a break.

My doctor told me I needed to wait six months to try again. My husband and I got pregnant the first month we tried with Amelia, but I worried it would not be so easy and I longed for a baby so bad that we started trying in February, about five months from the c section.

Now, three months after trying I really think I am pregnant. Part of me worries I want it so badly that I am imagining my symptoms. Last month my boobs were so sore, but I didn't feel pregnant...ended up being a cyst that burst. This month I feel pregnant. I can't describe it well, it just feels like my uterus is not empty (as ridiculous as that sounds). I am due for af between Monday and Wednesday (I've been between 26-28 day cycles). All my tests were coming back negative (no surprise as it is early). This morning I took on test and it was clearly negative. I decided to try another (different brand so I was hoping for it to be more sensitive. It is a dollar tree brand and has nothing listed about the pregnancy). I called frantically to my husband as I saw two lines...he did too. It was very faint, but it was there. I know they say a faint positive is a positive, but I am so scared to get my hopes up. We want a baby so bad and he has been so supportive, I just want it to be true. We decided we will take the EPT Early pregnancy test tomorrow before we head to my parents for Easter. I want to know before I go down as I do not want to test when there, but there is not way I can wait. I felt so pregnant on Monday, I went out and bought yarn and have been knitting, this is the first time I have knit since I had to deliver my daughter in September. The line was still there when I looked latter, although both lines had lost their color due to evaporation. I am really, really scared and hopeful.

Our families took our loss very hard. We didn't know she had triosmy 18 until the day she died. She was the first grandchild on both sides and the first great grandchild on my side. I don't want to tell my family as they will not leave me alone and will make me too nervous. We had no risk factors and a normal AFP, and I was only 25 so we didn't have an amnio. This time we will, so I don't plan to tell most people until after those results come back, sometime after 15 weeks. I can't get their hopes up and I can't deal with everyone asking if this time feels different, etc.

Can I trust that I am pregnant and start celebrating with my husband? I don't want to get my hopes up because this means so much to me. We both felt this was our month and I don't know what I will do if it isn't.

 

[Calambria]

Oh Viperbunny, you've gone through so much in such a short time. I am so sorry to hear about your precious Amelia, I went back and read your thread, and your grandpa. You are no doubt a very strong woman.

I'm not sure if I understand whether the Dollar Tree is the one you got the BFP on, but if it is, supposedly the sensitivity of those are 25. So that would be an early one. What tests were you getting the negatives with? Have you tried an Answer or FRER? EPT, those are blue dyes, right? I would so stay away from those.

Did you happen to take a photo of it after you took it?

This is only MY own personal mindset, but I never get ahead of myself(though I am not an optimist by any means!!). I would be testing like a nutjob. I would say get yourself a pink dye, early detection test for the AM. I hope so much for you that this is it.

 

[tuckie27]

Good luck Viper! I remember reading your story before in TTC After Loss and my heart truly goes out to you. You've really been through some very, very tough heartache hon. Best of luck for your bfp!!! I got my first bfp with a dollar store test!

 

[buttercupmomm]

Good Luck Viper! I'm praying everything works out for you ((HUGS))

 

[Viperbunny]

I got my BFP this morning! I was using the EPT's too, but my hubby and I could never agree if we saw a line or not. I am so excited I can't put it into words. Thank you all for your support. It means so much to me because we are not sharing this with my family. I told two friends and my husband told one (although my best friend who I told married one of my husband's friends last year, so I'm sure he knows too). It's hard not telling my sister. She goes back and forth between saying horrible, hurtful things, and being very supportive.

I only have one sister and when everything was going down she helped my husband and I out a lot by taking me to some of my appointments. They were every other day and although my husband wanted to be there he had to work because we anticipated him needing the time off from work after our daughter was born. My sister can't stop talking about her neighbor's kid who is the same age my daughter would have been. I know she is hurting. My husband and I were the only ones who understood that she was very close to my daughter. She was a great aunt. My therapist agrees with not telling everyone, as he thinks they will put too much stress on me, but sitting her right now I really want to share it with her, which is very unexpected. Part of me says whatever is going to happen will happen and if I had a MC or this baby has trisomy 18 too (which I pray s/he does not), it's not like my family won't find out. Part of me wants to shout it from the roof tops, and part of me doesn't want to say anything until we are scheduled for a c section (Amelia was an emergency c section, so I can't imagine they will let me go into labor, sadly). We will probably tell people after I have an amnio and the results come back, which is like, July. According to the due date calculator I am due on Christmas Eve. I am so grateful for this rainbow baby. I am going to try to relax, enjoy being pregnant and continue to knit. I had 100 rows done, but wasn't happy with them and started over. We'll see how it goes. Thanks again for the support and any advise would be well received.