I think it's over with my baby's father - heartbroken

[Grieving30]

This is a long story, but I'll go into some of it at least. My baby's father and I have been together for about 8 months. We were together for a short time before that, but were broken up for several months. Well, lately I've been really wondering about him being trustworthy. Last night I did a no no and looked through his phone. I found a conversation with his ex/daughter's mom where he said I was being a crybaby and she basically said to tell me to suck it up and that that's why their daughter doesn't like me, etc. I had no idea his daughter didn't like me, but that's besides the point. I told him I looked at his phone and what I found. He's now upset I looked through his phone and doesn't think he was wrong to talk to her about me. We don't live together and I slept on the couch and came home this morning without either of us speaking a word to each other. I've texted several times. He texted back once that he doesn't want to talk to me right now.

I'm so very hurt and feeling desperate. I want to make him see and be sorry. This is so painful. Am I wrong to think he was wrong? I just don't think we can be together after this. My heart is breaking. I really love him and believed he loved me. I haven't told anyone. My family live out of state and my nephew's having a birthday party today. My mom is coming next week. I'm just spending the day crying. I feel so alone and scared. I'm close to 33 weeks pregnant with this man's child. What do I do?

 

[Mrs.Mcguin]

Well first of all...he is in the total wrong for talking bad about you to his ex! How disrespectful.
For him to stop talking to you because of it is just childish too.

Personally..I don't blame you for not trusting him...that might not have been cheating but my trust for him would be gone after i saw he was bash me to his ex girlfriend.

 

[littleone2010]

He's angry because he was busted doing something disrespectful to you. I'm sure he will get over it. Explain why you did it, make him understand. I'm sure he will come around. It's easier for him to be angry at you for looking through his phone than own up to being out of order. I hope you manage to work it out Hun xxx

 

[Grieving30]

Thanks for the responses so far. I officially ended it. I think I had to. I'm still in a lot of pain, but I talked to my mom and feel like even though I'm sad and scared, it's best in the long-run and baby boy and I will be OK.

 

[CandyDay]

It sounds like you can't trust him. There should be no reason why you can't look thru his phone once and awhile unless he is hiding something on it. If you feel that he is hiding something and he won't let you look thru his phone then he likely is hiding stuff and that is a good reason to either break it off or have a discussion about it if he would have been willing to discuss it. The fact that he wasn't is a good reason to break it off. And yes it will be hard at first but staying together for the sake of a child is not the best reason to stay together because then you will either resent each other or your innocent child.

 

[Grieving30]

Feeling very sad right now. Thanks for the responses.

 

[MImom2be]

Have to agree with the others. My husband and I have an "open door" policy. He has access to my phone (if I'm not on it, of course, and likewise, I have access to his) and we know each other's passwords. We've had secrets in the past that hurt each other badly, and to rebuild our trust and maintain our relationship, we both agreed we are allowed to occasionally check in on each other if we feel the need to.

Personally, instead of talking to YOU to find out WHY you were being "a crybaby" he chose to confide/bitch-to someone else; not just someone else, but an EX...that is a HUGE no-no. Not only did he betray your trust, as a man, he has NO FREAKING IDEA what it's like to be pregnant; and his ex responding the way she did? She sounds like she's trying to point out flaws in you to make HER look better. Just how I'm seeing it.

It may hurt now, but honestly, maybe some time away (even just a break) will make him realize he's been an ass, and you could use the break away from him.

Sorry sweetie, no pregnant woman should have to go through this and I'm truly sorry.

 

[Whimsy82]

Oh, I'm so sorry. What an awful thing to have to go through when carrying a baby...

I definitely think he was in the wrong for what he did. It shows a major lack in commitment to you and his unborn child.

You did the right thing by ending it. It's so hard to hear and believe, but give it time and things will get better.

 

[Mum2BKW]

To give a different opinion, if this ex is his daughters mother than I think that puts her a bit higher than a normal ex (if that makes sense). They might have made an effort to remain friends for their daughters sake. In which case it makes perfect sense that he might confide in her if he was having a difficult moment with the OP - I think it's a bit unfair to bash him for talking to a friend, having a pregnant partner can be tough on a guy especially dealing with our mood swings and hormones!

So I think it depends on his relationship with this ex as to whether it was appropriate for him to 'bash' you to her, maybe he just needed to vent?

 

[Mrsmac02]

So sorry you're having to go through this, especially at 33w pregnant!

You absolutely did the right thing - hormones or not, it was incredibly disrespectful of him to say those things about you to anyone let alone his ex.

It takes a much stronger person to end a bad relationship! Stay strong, focus on that beautiful little boy youre growin xx

 

[Smudge101]

To give a different opinion, if this ex is his daughters mother than I think that puts her a bit higher than a normal ex (if that makes sense). They might have made an effort to remain friends for their daughters sake. In which case it makes perfect sense that he might confide in her if he was having a difficult moment with the OP - I think it's a bit unfair to bash him for talking to a friend, having a pregnant partner can be tough on a guy especially dealing with our mood swings and hormones!

So I think it depends on his relationship with this ex as to whether it was appropriate for him to 'bash' you to her, maybe he just needed to vent?

I agree with this. Yes maybe it was a little inappropriate but maybe he did just need a moan. We all do, how many of you have moaned to a friend about your other half? What's the difference?

Some even come onto a public forum with complete strangers to do it, which I think it more disrespectful.

I'm also shocked about the number of these kind of threads which crop up where people are so quick to just say ' I wouldn't stand for that kick him out'

Pregnancy is hard but I have no doubt it's just as hard for the men - cut them some slack.

To the OP - no one on here knows the history you have with your partner. However personally, based on what you've said, I think ending the relationship, when you are soon to have a baby together, over him having a text rant about you to a friend is a bit OTT but i appreciate there may be more to this than in your original post.

 

[girlinyork]

There are seven billion people on this earth. If, out of all those people, my OH picked his ex to talk to about me, I'd be very hurt. I'd get over it if it was any other friend or family member but an ex who had known him intimately? No, it would make me feel ashamed and humiliated. And if he then acted like I was being unreasonable for feeling hurt and betrayed it would only stoke the flames some more. He would need to eat humble pie if he dissed me to an ex and lots of it.

OP's OH should have talked to her first about his issue, friends/family second and the ex when hell freezes over

 

[mamawanabe21]

I'm sorry you're going through this right now.

Have you actually tried to speak to your OH/EX about the texts? You say that you slept on the sofa and then walked out the next morning without talking. Perhaps you should have tried to approach the subject? I personally find it hard to understand how you can love someone enough to have a child with them, but end it over a couple of texts with an ex, which to be fair wasn't even about them having an affair.
I get that there may be more to the story here, as you've said it's a long one, but based on the post, I wouldn't have ended it with him. As pregnant women, we tend to forget that it's not just us that can suffer and find it hard to deal with hormones etc. Could you imagine being on the other end of the rants/endless tears/walking on eggshells? Because I've had pregnant friends and I used to have a little moan to people, because I hadn't experienced it before and didn't understand.
Also, if it's the mother of his daughter, I think that makes her more than just an ex. Maybe he just vented off at her, because he trusted her. After all HE's not in charge of HER responses. Can you honestly say you haven't had a little bit of a bitch about anyone when angry/frustrated/annoyed and then regretted it after you've calmed down?

Maybe you need to really think about this. I'm a bit confused as to why you felt you had to check his phone in the first place? I would be mad if my OH had done that when we were together, not because I had anything to hide, but because he didn't trust me.

I'm not trying to say you've done the wrong thing, nor the right thing, because only you know the full extent as to what has happened, but I'm just trying to point out the other side, as I know it can be hard to see it, especially when you're trying to justify what you've done or are to angry to see it.

Hope you feel better soon and everything works out

 

[TwoRdue]

To give a different opinion, if this ex is his daughters mother than I think that puts her a bit higher than a normal ex (if that makes sense). They might have made an effort to remain friends for their daughters sake. In which case it makes perfect sense that he might confide in her if he was having a difficult moment with the OP - I think it's a bit unfair to bash him for talking to a friend, having a pregnant partner can be tough on a guy especially dealing with our mood swings and hormones!

So I think it depends on his relationship with this ex as to whether it was appropriate for him to 'bash' you to her, maybe he just needed to vent?

I agree with this. Yes maybe it was a little inappropriate but maybe he did just need a moan. We all do, how many of you have moaned to a friend about your other half? What's the difference?

Some even come onto a public forum with complete strangers to do it, which I think it more disrespectful.

I'm also shocked about the number of these kind of threads which crop up where people are so quick to just say ' I wouldn't stand for that kick him out'

Pregnancy is hard but I have no doubt it's just as hard for the men - cut them some slack.

To the OP - no one on here knows the history you have with your partner. However personally, based on what you've said, I think ending the relationship, when you are soon to have a baby together, over him having a text rant about you to a friend is a bit OTT but i appreciate there may be more to this than in your original post.

Im sorry but I dont agree with this at all...a ex is a ex weather you have kids together or not and is not someone you use to bash about your partner as it is none of her business. Im sure he has plenty of guy friends to moan to.. you should never talk about your partener to your ex and my husband agrees with that to... its inapropate and uncalled for.
My oh checks my ph if there is a txt that comes through and vis veesa... if there is nothin to hide then where is the problem.. I dont care and nore does he

 

[Annie77]

This isn't an easy one - unfortunately you opened pandoras box by reading his text messages. I would've been upset if my other half did that. However the fact u did makes me wonder if there were trust issues there anyway.
Sorry you have found yourself in this situation x

 

[mamawanabe21]

a ex is a ex weather you have kids together or not and is not someone you use to bash about your partner

I'm sorry, I don't agree with this. I'm very good friends with a couple of my exes and can talk to them about anything. If anything, we're closer now than when we were together.
It all depends on the situation, and as we don't all know the ins and outs, I don't think it's fair of us to judge him.
Yes, it WAS disrespectful, but what's the difference between a male and female friend when it comes to venting? You could easily say that if he'd said it to a male friend, that he was out of order because it's none of the males friends business.
Catch 22 I think.

 

[TwoRdue]

That is fine to be able to have a good relationship with your ex and I see nothing wrong with that but I find it unfair that people moan about there partners to there ex... there are just some lines that should not be crosssed

 

[mamawanabe21]

I see my friends as my friends, not as my exes.

 

[Grieving30]

There are seven billion people on this earth. If, out of all those people, my OH picked his ex to talk to about me, I'd be very hurt. I'd get over it if it was any other friend or family member but an ex who had known him intimately? No, it would make me feel ashamed and humiliated. And if he then acted like I was being unreasonable for feeling hurt and betrayed it would only stoke the flames some more. He would need to eat humble pie if he dissed me to an ex and lots of it.

OP's OH should have talked to her first about his issue, friends/family second and the ex when hell freezes over

This is how I feel. If it would've been a guy friend or his sister...fine. Bur his EX who he has slept with? It felt like a knife in my back. He talks to her regularly and I got the feeling they'd talked about me before. Plus, when we broke up last year (as I mentioned in my OP) it was because I was at his place, she called, and I caught him telling her nobody was there. We broke up for several months after that and reconciled in September. But, yes, we do have trust issues because I cannot forget that.

Also, I didn't mention he lives about 2.5 hours away and we were seeing each other about every 3 or 4 weeks. The day he was telling her about me being a crybaby I was telling him I was feeling a little sad lately because I'd been missing him. It's not easy being pregnant and alone. He hates when I cry at all and has a very hard time being sympathetic or understanding.

It is completely over now. After all this I just can't be with him again.

P.S. The pregnancy was unplanned.

 

[Grieving30]

Also, I did try talking about it with him. He said he had to talk to someone about his frustrations and that he should be mad at me for looking through his phone.

I'm feeling very sad this morning. Friday night before I found out actually seemed really special. I'm also sad because as far as I can tell he doesn't care about having anything to do with his son.