I think I've been really stupid :( maybe TMI

Discussion in 'Miscarriage Support' started by beansheart, Apr 6, 2011.

  1. beansheart

    beansheart Well-Known Member

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    I REALLY hope this doesn't upset anyone but have nowhere else to go with this and thought I would get it off my chest and maybe this'd be the place to talk. I spoke to a friend right during my m/c who had just found out she was was about lose her baby. She was told that whilst Dr's like you to have a period before TTC that was purely selfish and if wanted to, crack on with it! Much the same as what I was told during my m/c scan.
    SO, whilst we're not actively trying, we've taken no precautions. Now, I am reading stuff that says you should defo wait til your next period before not taking any measures to stop getting pregnant again :( the main consensus is that you have to have 20 days of no bleeding which I am over and above now. I have had really dull cramping like pain which I got when I first found out I was positive....and my boobs have been a bit sore but nothing like they were....but this has only started in the last week or so....I'm tempted to do a test just to know but then have also read that it could be positive even when not due to HCG levels. But the tests they made me take even before the bleeding stopped were virtually negative and I was told in a week the line would disappear altogether... so to my mind, if I did take one and it was positive can I believe it?!
    I dunno whether to call the EPU or something and see but at the same time I don't wanna know if I am pregnant again cause it would be so early and if the same was to happen again I would rather be ignorant if that is at all possible.

    Have I really been stupid to not take precautions? We did talk about it but it just never happened and we decided fate would be what fate decided (it's a strong belief in our relationship). I said to OH yesterday that if I had not gotten my period in the next week or so I was going to do a test but am so scared that if it comes positive I will be falsely informed so to speak, though this goes against what I was told (as above).

    Sorry ladies, I know some people will be angry at me and maybe think me irresponsible but it was never that. I just cannot get my head round the fact that I lost at exactly 8 weeks and that a month on I could still be "getting back to normal" if that makes sense?! I guess I naively thought that as soon as the bleeding stopped and a week or so after that I would be virtually back to normal....this was certainly the impression that I got from the information I was told at the time :(
     
  2. aviolet

    aviolet Mommy of 1 angel

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    it is really important to wait for at least one normal cycle because our bodies are in need of regulating themselves, as we've been through a trauma - both physically and emotionally. and physically sometimes there's stuff leftover that needs to work itself out. hence it's best to wait until your next cycle. That said, what you did wasn't "wrong", it just would probably be best health wise to wait a lil bit.

    Now all you can do is wait it out anyway because like you say there's no knowing for sure if the test will be detecting levels from before or if it's a new pregnancy. I'm sorry for what you're going through and very sorry for your loss. but this is just one of those things that requires patience, and I know how difficult it is :hugs: Confusion, uncertainty, don't beat yourself up over it, just know that whatever will be, will be. :hugs:
     
  3. Andypanda6570

    Andypanda6570 3 Boys and an Angel Ava

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    I don't think you did anything wrong either. :hugs: My doctor did tell me to wait 1 cycle also, but other doctors tell you wait 3 cycles some say try right away. I mean it's very confusing. Just wait it out ans see what is going on.I am very sorry for your loss. :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
     
  4. LeeC

    LeeC Mum to Morgan & 13 angels

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    Hey Beansheart.

    I don't think you've been irresponsible at all. Most gp's do say wait 1 cycle, mainly ro make sure you have recovered physically but I think as long as you are equipped to cope emotionally then go for it.
    There is NO harm in getting pg after a m/c without AF showing up.
    It happened to me last year, I had 2 negative test week after m/c then next thing I know I'm pg again!!! EPAS nurses could hardly believe it, unfortunately I m/c'd again, now I want to add I was assured that this was nothing to with timing etc, I suffer from recurrent m/c, so am unable to carry without medical intervention and I personally kniw someone who got pg without waiting for AF and had a healthy baby boy.
    Bear in mind also you are extra fertile for around 3 months after a m/c.
    And to give you further assurances I had an ectopic pg in January and lost my right tube, both my specialist and surgeon told me to start trying again asap or as soon as I felt upto it after surgery.
    Unfortunately, there is alot of conflicting info out there, we mainly have to go on personal experience as sometimes the specialists can't even agree on things.
    As long as you are emotionally ready then I say good luck to you and try not to worry, keep us all posted xxx.
     
  5. mrssunshine78

    mrssunshine78 Mammy at last

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    i don't think you were wrong either, in fact i've done exactly the same thing, i had mc early march following ivf, we have no issues except i can't get pregnant, so anyway we haven't been trying, but we haven't been using anything. My af turned up yesterday, but today it has gone again, i rang EPAC and they said that it probably was af and that it sounds normal???? I feel as though its anything but normal :shrug:
     
  6. beansheart

    beansheart Well-Known Member

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    Hey ladies,
    thank you for replying :) I am sorry for all our losses but think that goes without saying. I spoke with OH last night..just decided to be brave and it was actually the best thing I did! His cousin is a GP who specialises in women's health and gynae and is pretty much "up there" with this kind of stuff and OH said to me "do you not remember her telling us, if we wanted to, to just carry on and how it's rubbish now that you have to wait" so...all in all that is what I have been told. I would not have been able to be with OH intimately until I was emotionally ready and hence we didn't.
    I guess.....like you lovely peeps say, it's time to sit it out...I'm just not patient enough! Am giving it another week and if mother nature has not given me a cycle then I am doing a test...it'll be 6 weeks from the actual m/c and I know it would not show as positive because of how weak the tests were during the m/c...if that makes any sense!?
    Once again, thank you ladies.
    And LeeC...I had a friend who, likewise had an eptopic, lost her tube and within 3 months was pregnant again...within 6 months if that, of her having that baby she had another and both girls are beautiful...good luck to you all xxx
     
  7. HollieQ

    HollieQ Well-Known Member

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    I really don't believe you need to wait a cycle, loads of women have healthy pregnancys, my consultant who has been for years told me we could try asap when I had my mc last year before my period came back, and i trust her professional opinion a lot :hugs:. Try not to worry :hugs: xxxx
     
  8. beansheart

    beansheart Well-Known Member

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    Thank you HollieQ! As I am sure I said before, the nurse that I saw at the EPU after my scan that confirmed what I already knew...she said, yes we do LIKE you to have a cycle but that's only a selfish reason so that it makes our job easier to date you!!!! I AM a HCP myself and I KNOW that a lot of them out there tell people what they want them to believe if it makes their life easier!! If your consultant said go for it, i mean it doesn't come much better than that does it?! So thank you for sharing xxx
     
  9. pink80

    pink80 Please......

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    I don't think that you have done anything wrong or stupid - there are so many differing opinions out there on how long to wait before TTC it's make it hard to make a desicion about it for ourselves. From what I have read (and this is my personal opinion so I don't expect everyone to agree with me) the 20 days of no bleeding refers to the amount of time your body needs to go through the full cycle in relation to hormones and that only after this amount of time can it be classed a proper AF. Now if you have been treated by your HCP throughout to the point where you have had a scan/negative preg tests etc that shows you do not have retained tissue - then there is actually no reason to wait and you can carry on as before. However you have not been through the full tests and have been left to get on with things - there is always the chance that you may be TTC and take a preg test after a couple of weeks, that comes up positive which may actually be 'left over' from the MC, which will only cause further heartache for you.

    There are plently of ladies on the PAL forum who got pregnant straight away and are prefectly fine - I honestly believe that you're body wouldn't implantation straight after a MC if the womb wasn't in a good enough condition to carry the baby through - and that any MC that may happen is down to other reasons and not because you got pregnant straight away.

    The other thing to bare in mind is that no one really has the 'right' answer for YOU, it can only be your decision. Plus the medical profession changes their mind all the time, because of new research. For instance the World Health Organisation recommends that you wait 6 months before trying again, however a recent study in Scotland showed that you have a statistically better chance of having a healthly pregnancy if you get pregnant within 6 months - than if you get pregnant 6 to 12 months after a MC.

    Don't beat yourself up about it :hugs: - what will be will be

    (sorry for the essay I have just written!)

    xx
     
  10. beansheart

    beansheart Well-Known Member

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    Hi Pink thank you!
    I was told at the time of my scan that I had passed everything, it was a complete mc and that I would not bleed for much longer now...which I didn't really...the test that day was virtually negative and as I say that was over 4 weeks ago now and she said to me...that will disappear completely in a week or so...
    I know what you mean about no one can tell me the right answer, as I said, we left it to fate to be fair as that's just the way we roll! I just needed to get it out and off my chesr before it sent me mad if honest! xx
     
  11. Mumof42009

    Mumof42009 Mum Of 4 Preemie's

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    They only really tell you to wait hun if you've had a d&c, so don't feel bad do what's right for you x
     
  12. beansheart

    beansheart Well-Known Member

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    Thank you sooo much for ALL your replies......I kept saying I leave everything to fate and we did and mother nature has now decided to play a bit nicer so it seems....mixed feelings as I am sure everyone has with their first cycle but never mind! x
     
  13. diverdi

    diverdi Well-Known Member

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    You definitely haven't done anything wrong. There is no medical reason to wait until your first AF. However be warned you can ovulate early, late or not at all until your first AF, and your body cna throw out some pretty convincing pregnancy symptoms in the meantime.
    So try away to your heart's content, but try not to symptom spot too much.

    Good luck
     
  14. ljo1984

    ljo1984 2DDs,2angels <3

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    You've done nothing wrong! I never waited a month, I didn't get pregnant but there was no way I wasn't not going to try! The dr at the hospital actually said to start again when I'm ready nothing about one or three months that they usually say! I also started straight away after my early loss in November aswell! You have to do what is right for you, so many ladies get pregnant without waiting for first af and go on to have a succesfull pregnancy. Sending loads of good luck wishes your way. Xx
     
  15. MRS_HJO

    MRS_HJO Well-Known Member

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    Hi Beansheart,

    My doctor told me the reason we are supposed to wait until we get our period again is because the uterine lining needs time to thicken back up after a m/c. Getting pregnant too soon is risky because the uterus may not support it. Again, this is just my doctor's opinion, but makes sense if you think about it. With that being said, my mother in law had two miscarriages and got pregnant right after *did not wait for a cycle* and had successful pregnancies. I think every woman is different.
     
  16. andella95

    andella95 Well-Known Member

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    How is it any different than when the lining is shed during a period?

    I've always heard that the only real reason to wait is because it makes it hard to date the pregnancy and for emotional reasons.

    https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-10880232
     
  17. beansheart

    beansheart Well-Known Member

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    Andella95....that is EXACTLY the reason I was told when I had the scan to confirm my m/c! Thank you sooo much as ever ladies for your ever, unwavering support and comments and the like! xxxxx
     
  18. MRS_HJO

    MRS_HJO Well-Known Member

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    Andella:

    It wasn't my opinion, and I wasn't stating a fact. If you re-read my post, I mearly said that was my doctor's opinion, and since I have faith in my doctor, I will choose to listen to him rather than what I read on the internet.

    It makes sense to me if you have had a d&c, which scrapes out everything, or meds that make your uterus contract to pass the baby and lining. I took the meds, and honestly, I think having a m/c should not be compared to a period.
     
  19. andella95

    andella95 Well-Known Member

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    Check your attitude at the door, honey. This isn't the place to try to stir up drama by writing in all bold.
     
  20. Andypanda6570

    Andypanda6570 3 Boys and an Angel Ava

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    Girls, please try to stop we all have our opinions and they all matter :hugs: Remember this thread is about a loss and how to help. :flower:
    Now lets all kiss and makeup :flower: :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
     

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