I think my MC is over... *UPDATE* now it is. (upsetting)

Discussion in 'Miscarriage Support' started by Klandagi, Dec 11, 2009.

  1. Klandagi

    Klandagi Well-Known Member

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    Started bleeding on Dec 2. Baby was alive until sometime after Dec 5th after I had a healthy ultrasound. Dec 9th revealed a dead fetus... Tonight I passed what I can only describe as a sac and material within the sac.

    The bleeding is stopping, the cramps were never worse then mild/moderate period cramps. My heart is shattered as I had to collect the tissue for a biopsy as my doctors believe this is all due to the fact that I had H1N1 (Swine Flu) shortly after conception.


    UPDATE:

    I thought it was over earlier this evening when I initially posted this... I was wrong. Around 5:30 AM I woke up in moderate/severe pain with what I can only describe as contractions and labor pains. It was more EXTREME pressure in my vaginal region then anything else. I walked the hall, went downstairs, and just paced for a bit. No extreme bleeding. No gushing, nothing. Finally I sat on the loo and felt like I needed to push and caught what slipped out; an entire complete and unruptured sac with my baby still inside it. She was perfect, just perfect with her fingers and toes... and I sat and sobbed for awhile and wrapped it in a tissue to be taken down to the doctor in the morning. I'm torn as to whether I want to allow them to dissect her and look for the cause or whether I want to bury her... And then I remember I'm moving to Canada in the beginning of January and couldn't stand the thought of burying her (I say her only because everyone predicted this baby to be a girl) and then leaving her never to see her again or be able to visit.

    A short while later I passed a large blue/gray very tough membrane filled with blood vessels. I'm not sure what it was... I'm assuming the rest of my uterine lining.

    I'm emotionally and physically numb. Just.... Numb. She died at 9 weeks. No one really has any clue just how human a baby looks at 9 weeks in the womb. Ok so maybe I'm not numb... I'm crying again... Oh God why did you do this to me?

    ... Goodbye angel... I'm so sorry.
     
  2. hannah76

    hannah76 Well-Known Member

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    so sorry for your loss... i'm glad its over now and that it wasn't too painful. take care x x x
     
  3. aviolet

    aviolet Mommy of 1 angel

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    :hugs: i'm so sorry :hugs: thoughts and prayers coming your way. :hugs:
     
  4. fluffyblue

    fluffyblue Loving being mommy

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    Oh hun thats awful if it was swine flu and maybe a lesson to us all.

    I hope you will be ok xxxxxxxx
     
  5. Klandagi

    Klandagi Well-Known Member

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    I'm just mentally numb.... Still cramping slightly... But numb emotionally. I think I've run out of tears.
     
  6. tinybutterfly

    tinybutterfly Proud Mommy

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    wishing you all the best in this harsh time
    sorry for your loss of little one (((hugs)))

    thankyou for sharing your story
     
  7. missjay

    missjay Well-Known Member

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    arrh hun, sorry for your loss.
    sending you some hugs.
     
  8. KittyKatBabe

    KittyKatBabe Pruod Mummy to Zara Jane

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    hi klandgai, I am so sorry to read this it is never an easy process to go through but I really hope you feel better soon.

    My thoughts are with you and I hope you are able to make a decision on whether to allow an investigation of the loss of your angel hun.

    Rest well and take care,
    x x :hugs:
     
  9. Klandagi

    Klandagi Well-Known Member

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    I'm going to try and pick up the pieces and see if I can start to heal. OH doesn't know what I saw or what I passed and to be honest I don't know if I can tell him. I'll just tell him that everything's gone because he's been so concerned about losing me also. He's heard of women dying due to miscarriage complications and right now he's grieving over the loss of our angel. I want to be normal... I want my baby....
     
  10. Drazic<3

    Drazic<3 You got the love <3

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    I'm so sorry darling. I got to see my little baby after MMC at 10 weeks, and that is a beautiful thing we got to do. Some precious time together which is so rare. Thinking of you hun, sorry for your loss. :hugs:
     
  11. alibaba24

    alibaba24 Well-Known Member

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    Im sorry you had to go through this :( no one derserves it, Have you been told the swine flu vaccine caused this?

    :hugs:

    xxxxx
     
  12. Diggydog

    Diggydog 1 angel, Mummy & WTT

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    Im so sorry for your loss hun, im sending my love to you and your OH. :hugs:

    I too had an awful cold with a very high fever, i was never confirmed as having swine flu but had all the symptons in the early stages of my pregnancy which ended in mm/c at 11 weeks. I cant help but think it casued my mm/c too. :(
     
  13. Klandagi

    Klandagi Well-Known Member

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    I never had the vaccine. I caught and suffered through full blown swine flu. It wasn't as severe as the media hype makes it up to be but I did deal with a fever of 102.8 and I'm sure higher because there was a time where I was flopping like a fish out of water I was so cold and trying to get warm. I'm not getting the vaccine since I'm now immune due to my own body processing the virus.


    Thank you so much we really need all the love we can get right now. It's really hard on him and I'm trying to put on a happy face to boost his morale. I've always felt the need to protect him even though he's a tank of a man. I guess that's what love is all about.

    I was told by doctor today who actually advised me NOT to bring in the tissue (but rather have a memorial) that ANY systemic illness of any sort with a high fever can cause this. But he also said that while he believes it may have been swine flu related there could have been other issues as well. It's a real possibility. I have no intention of getting sick like that again. EVER.

    :hugs: you're very sweet and I really appreciate your comfort and advice. The most horrible thing is that I saw her there and just held the whole thing in my hands as if trying to will her back to life. There was nothing I could do and it broke my heart. She was perfect. Gorgeous. Fingers, toes, little elbows... God she was gorgeous. Now I know what it's like to look at an angel regardless of how hokey and melodramatic that may sound. We've been advised not to bring the tissue in but to have a memorial. I'm trying to think about what I want to do since I'm moving... I may take her out to the state park and bury her in a place that's protected and surrounded by mother nature. I'm in the belief that mother earth will nurture, love, and cherish her as much as I do. It's the best thing I can think of and I can always visit the park. Of course this would totally have to be on the sly and I question it....

    You're in my thoughts too darlin', you and Edan.



    Huge thanks to everyone... So far you all have really been a breath of fresh air and the wind beneath my wings. Thank you. So much.
     
  14. Sweetie

    Sweetie DD, DS, and a Surprise!!!

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    I'm so sorry that you have had to go through this. I will be thinking of you and your angel :hugs: I wish I had some wonderful advice that would help you to feel better... Try and take some time for yourself :hugs:
     

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