I think we need a bad day sticky thread

[Reb S]

As I've had my bad day and am feeling better, I thought I'd send some to all you girls with OH issues. They are differently to us - different wiring, different programming - and it's hard to get them onside - but always worth it! x

 

[Mabythistime]

Bubba3, I just love the plan you made. Green light, red light no words needed. That sounds great. Glad you realised you cannot carry it all on your own and you now have the best helping you! GL

 

[Bubba3]

Bubba3, I just love the plan you made. Green light, red light no words needed. That sounds great. Glad you realised you cannot carry it all on your own and you now have the best helping you! GL

Thanks for your reply , its been an emotional day but a positive outcome . Was even able to show him my pos opk just now , didn't do that before I feel so much lighten now

 

[NorthStar]

Indigo the husband whisperer ! Love it.
Oh well , sorry my turn to moan . It's a sort of mixed one actually but I know you girls will get it.
So we've been trying for 8 cycles now ( not as long as some but enough that I'm scared and confused at times ) sorry if a bit personal , but we've always had a great sex life , happy and fun. So of course hubby has known were 'trying' but I'm sure like a lot of people here hasn't realized how much ive been 'trying' . We talked about not wanting our sex life to become timetabled etc etc , but of course I know exactly ( well not always exactly ) but as close as I can the 'right' time. This morning I had a total melt down because ( warning poss tmi) we were dancing away and he pulled out at exactly the wrong moment
Of course I was super upset , Im day ten , got my first pos opk yesterday afternoon ( but now no ewcm ) have been drinking green tea which I hate , even took a little cough syrup etc then he did that.
So I'll get to the good bit. In some ways although bad timing it made me spill about everything ,
how I wasn't saying much in order to keep things as natural and spontaneous as poss etc etc . He
was surprised at how much I'd been worrying and keeping from him. We had such a great hour of
thrashing it out and came up with a plan that he would look at my 'maybe baby ' chart on my iPad ,
which is a very not scientific but general guide , so he can check when were on a green light day etc.

We totally agreed the green days would be bonus days but even if it was red and were up for it then so beit . It's such a hard balance , keeping things the way they always were but catching 'those' days . Equally we agreed even if it's a green day and were sick or tired or simply not in the mood
that we won't force. Having said that he's always in the mood , and I can make it work even of I'm not sometimes
So I guess , this needed to happen for us , and were closer for it . I really couldn't carry all this on
my own and I'm lucky he's the sort that wants to help
Funny these men though . There I am popping new supplements , denying myself our treat coffee ( our new machine is a major treat living somewhere where there are no nice cafes ) swigging grapefruit juice and green tea which Im not that keen on truth be told. Taking my temp and spitting on a scope every morning , and he still didn't cotton on to all that I was doing
Even when he's been for a sa test. They can be so un observant . I teased him saying at least I know I could get away with an affair or a crazy shopping habit or something !
I agree though , I don't think even the best hubbies invest the same amount of emotions and heartache. Not all of course , some are amazing and hurt too. Maybe they deal it with it in different ways ? Mine gets so cought up in the rest of our life sometimes.
My freak out did show me how much this was meaning to me too . How scared of missing that crucial moment , and how long each month feels . But at least we both have a clearer understanding. How could he 'get it' if I wasn't telling him.

Well , that's my moan , freak out , crazy moment. Thanks so so much for this thread , it means so much to have a place to go. I'm a fish out of water not only where we live but I don't kow anyone else who's had ttc issues so those is a great find . Take care all of you

Thank you for sharing this

I'm going to talk to my OH about next month, see if we can get a plan in place to prevent the last 2 months missed opportunity. If nothing else gardening in his first week off will be banned!

And I'm thinking about telling him about the EPO, the cough mixture (it's horrible and tastes like spew!) and the stress I'm under with this TTC stuff.

Sounds like your OH is now on the same page Bubba3, that's great.

The irony that this baby was HIS idea in the first place isn't lost on me, but now I've opened the Pandora's box it's something I really want too.

I'm also feeling the extra pressure of his work schedule which takes him away from home 2 weeks out ever 4, and my own work schedule which involves travelling - I'm having to block out chunks of my calendar as "no fly" and I'm worried my boss might ask me why!

 

[Natsby]

Oh dear Northstar sounds like you both have a fair bit of stress to deal with there can´t be easy being apart so much. I´m sure he will understand if you explain how your feeling. I hope so anyway.
I talked to my OH about how I felt and as expected he got defensive and cross and said he didn´t want to change his life for something that might or might not happen. I pointed out that cutting out coffee was not changing his life as in fact he doesn´t do anything else different, still smokes still drinks, (although not much.) Then it turned out he is worried that if it doesn´t work I will look else where for a sperm doner.. who knew? the stuff that goes on in his head is a mystery to me. SO now I have explained that it is his baby I want and not just a baby I think we are back on the same page. I might try your green light plan Bubba3 sounds like a good one.
Hugs all round got to run going to the market for veggies.

 

[Jax41]

Natsby, Northstar, Bubba - big hugs girls . I've been having this very conversation with Littletike on another thread and we have reluctant DH's and she is proof that it can happen with one as she's got her BFP!

This is the hardest thing but I feel very awkward talking to my DH about what should be a beautiful and natural progression in our relationship as I know he doesn't really want anymore (he's got 3 first time round and now a grandchild too!!) he has said he does but I just feel his heart isn't in it like mine is and he is your genuine bone fida 'bloke'. I would love all the chats with our legs up in the air together after BD, showing him my + OPK, getting him in the mood on a good night but it's just no use, I know he will not buy into it all (probably dig his hooves in more like!!). So I have to be very cunning and surreptitious and blimey it just adds more pressure to an already stressful process believe me and I do feel alone. I can't imagine what he is going to say to me when I do get a BFP probably a roll of the eyes and a 'happy now you got what you wanted'!!! Of course I could be doing him an incredible injustice here as I do think he is also completely unaware that you are only fertile for 48hrs, I'm sure he thinks you can get preg at any time of the month!! He has also said that he does want kids with me but if we can't afford them then there's no point, I said all babies need is love, hugs and a mummy and a daddy because mine didn't have a lot of cash but they sure gave me all of the other stuff!!!

Nats - the conversations I have had usually end up as arguments so I feel your pain, disappointment and dare I say it, you just want to hit them over the head and shout why did I marry you, you ar*ehole!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gosh, I'm making my DH sound like a right git and he's not really, he has so many other positives, it's just that I guess this is more important to me than it is to him.....

So thank you girls for being there for me more than you will ever know, will you be my cyber husbands (if only you could do the BD bit for me too!!!!!!)???

Lots of luv on such an emotional subject

 

[Bubba3]

Jax it's flipping tough this . I must admit I was really unsure which way our talk/rant was going to go , I think I was so wound up and hurt feeling he wasn't as committed as me that I didn't care at that point . Your right though , this would add another huge pressure on you and it would be lonely , just want to say were all here. Even though I'm new to this forum I already feel blown away by the support . Lean on us all whenever you need
Rooting for you all the way

 

[Bubba3]

Hi Northstar , I wrote you a long reply then messed up the sending don't know how
I just wanted to say thanks for your reply . The work pressures must be so hard. My oh was overseas last month , but I was in need of a break and used it to get used to watching listening to my body to be more ready this month.
Keep going , keep strong and keep talking , most of all be gentle with yourself too. Also hide the garden shed keys
Wishing you buckets of

 

[Bubba3]

Natsby isn't it amazing what goes on in their heads too . Thankyou for sharing it opened my eyes to the thought that they must feel helpless too sometimes.
Keep going , and thanks again

 

[Natsby]

Jax, sorry to hear your feeling the strain. and yes sometimes I do want to hit him over the head, but then I think he is scared for me, he saw me go through the pain of losing two and I´m sure that effected him too.
Overall I see my male friends with their kids and I think they didn´t understand how important children were until they had them. One friend of mine went through ivf with his ex because she wanted a baby. He thought that when it was born he would see her at weekends and that would be fine. Now he is changing everything in his life to be with his daughter every day. So I hope that even if they aren´t very involved now, when the bubs are born they will find their role and fall in love with them. I´m sure my oh will be a great dad, he is fantastic with his brothers kids, but I have to accept that to get us there I´m pretty much on my own...except for you fab ladies!! Sisters are doing it for themselves (exits singing!)

 

[Butterfly67]

Hello ladies, big to you. I have a different set of circumstances that has it's own challenges but Jax I just wanted to say that a friend of mine was in a similar situation to you where she did not have kids and her DH already did and wasn't really keen on more. But she talked him round to trying and although his heart wasn't really in it he totally changed when the kids arrived (they ended up with 2 and she was over 40 for both) and is a great father.

Anyway, I'm grateful that my BF is someone I can totally talk to about all of it - stick my legs up in the air, put in the soft cups and show him the sticks, even though we are not together, so I am really grateful for that. It is tough as well to schedule it all but it could be worse

So to you who have issues with your OH and hope you manage to get them talked through.

 

[Bubba3]

Wow butterfly ,this must have it's moments . Good on you , I'm really good friends with my ex and people around us always thought it was odd. Sad really . So it's great to see you making this work for you , go for it .
My hubby is super clucky he's the one who started the whole I want a baby thing. I guess he's just a bit more chilled at times than me. Well I was until it was a lot trickier than I naively thought.
Wishing tons of baby dust . Good luck keep posting

 

[NorthStar]

Wow butterfly ,this must have it's moments . Good on you , I'm really good friends with my ex and people around us always thought it was odd. Sad really . So it's great to see you making this work for you , go for it .
My hubby is super clucky he's the one who started the whole I want a baby thing. I guess he's just a bit more chilled at times than me. Well I was until it was a lot trickier than I naively thought.
Wishing tons of baby dust . Good luck keep posting

Same here it was my OH's idea to have a baby but now I want one, and he's so relaxed about it he says "it'll happen, let's relax" and I'm so super controlling and anxious about it

Men, eh?

 

[Macwooly]

Jax, Natsby, Northstar

Wish I could say something which would help but I just don't have the words which will bring you comfort

 

[dachsundmom]

Does anyone ever feel like beating their head against the wall?! Lol.

Ok, venting done....

 

[NorthStar]

Thanks, I'm feeling pretty good today, my OH now understands that gardening is verboten until after ov next month!

Talking to you ladies online, and my only TTC35+ friend (who lives overseas now) has really helped me this past day or so, I'm ready to start again next month and in the meantime I'm going to have some fun, we had some "recreational" shagging this afternoon and a lovely lazy sunday.

 

[dachsundmom]

Thanks, I'm feeling pretty good today, my OH now understands that gardening is verboten until after ov next month!

Talking to you ladies online, and my only TTC35+ friend (who lives overseas now) has really helped me this past day or so, I'm ready to start again next month and in the meantime I'm going to have some fun, we had some "recreational" shagging this afternoon and a lovely lazy sunday.

All in all then, I would say you had a great afternoon!

 

[Natsby]

Yeah I´m feeling much better too. OH is in a good mood and we both have exhibitions coming up in Madrid so we are working like mad things, it is nice to be in the same place but both working on our own projects. Reminds me why we fell in love in the first place. And lets face it two artists in one house hold bound to be dramas sometimes. Thanks for all your kind words ladies it really helps.

 

[Indigo77]

Jax, send yours over, too.

It should be his # 1 priority to make you a mommy!

WTH?

 

[NorthStar]

I love it, if my OH goes near the garden before CD12 next month Indigo is coming for him, with a big stick