I to be happy for others when I'm still hurting...

[cocosprinkle]

It sounds so selfish.... But it hurts so much!
I lost my little girl at 20 weeks. It's been three months and i thought I was getting better until I woke up this morning to a picture message from a friend. She had given birth to her little girl.... Beautiful 8lbs healthy little girl. But then I felt so heavy, sad sick confused. I am happy for her but I can't stop crying for the baby I don't have. To top it off.seconds later I received a text from a work mate to tell me that her IVF was going to begin next week and she was unsure of how many eggs to put in. Again I was happy for her. She had waited so long and cried so many tears, but today I just didn't need to hear about it.

I go back to work in a week and my other work mate is three months gone with twins. I'm a pro at hiding my emotions. But I feel like I'm cracking. I'm getting a little scared. I.don't recognise myself when I'm alone.

I know I should visit my friend and her little girl but I don't think I'm mentally or emotionally ready, whether I will ever be ready. I'm petrified about returning to work and being surrounded by bellies.

Is this normal?

 

[aviolet]

Considering what you've been through I do think it's normal But if there comes a point where you can't function at all and your thoughts are consumed then it might help to have someone to talk to professionally who's skilled in baby loss counseling. The fact that you do hide your feelings can mean you're stifling your grief process, which means longer healing time. Not recognizing yourself is a negative sign. But then again it's only been 3 months, and I don't think that's long enough for our hearts to heal, especially in the face of newborns being born around us. big hugs to you

 

[robbo1]

I know exactly how you feel, l got a text today informing me my friend had her baby today. Its been 5 weeks since my 2nd mc and ive just cried and been angry a lot today its like a knife through the heart isnt it. I am going to see a counsellor tomorrow as just not coping. I sent a text and said congrats to my friend but l didnt say anything about going to see them l feel like an awful person but l just cant deal with it right now. Hope your hurt eases slightly to know you not alone and its perfectly normal we gonna feel like this. xx

 

[SabrinaKat]

You're putting so much pressure on yourself!

I was still almost in tears whenever babies were mentioned the Christmas after the August 2009 m/c and I started to see a counsellor every two weeks in early December 2009, which made me realise that my feelings were absolutely normal, and so are yours!

please try and take it easy on yourself; some people aren't compassionate at all about your loss/losses (my SIL held the christening for her baby the very week our baby was due, my dh took me away to Italy for the longish weekend because he couldn't do anything about them, but he could help me!), but your tears, frustration and irritation is normal...

best wishes

 

[Maggie39]

News from others hurts me so much. I just heard today about a friend who is pregnant (and got pregnant really easily). I'm so jealous of people getting their successful 12 week scan as I've never made it that far.

I think you are really normal. I don't think there is much we can do except try to keep going, and hope things get easier with time