I want baby, DH does not!

[skyler1]

Hi everyone! So, I guess I just had to find somewhere to vent. My husband and I have been married 1 year this June. I'll be 20 in August and he is 21. We did not get married so young because I was pregnant or anything like that, we just knew we wanted to marry each other. But now the problem is I really do want to have a baby!! Everyone I know tells me to wait. Obviously, I'm not very good at doing that. When I want something I want it right away! I just have never baby fever. It's weird, because I never really thought I'd ever be this way. I was never super crazy about having kids, didn't think I'd mind if I had them sort of later in life.

Anyway, the main problem right now is that DH does not want to have a baby. Sometimes he says he doesn't want one until he's at least 30!!! I can't force a baby onto him, but I don't think I can wait 10 YEARS to have one. I don't even think I can wait 10 months at this rate.

Anyone in a situation where you really want a baby, but your partner does not?

 

[cncem]

Well, I was in a similar situation. I have two kids from previous relationships and am married now, and my husband loves my kids as his own and always said he didn't want another. He emphatically told me he Absolutely 100% did not want one. Then I got pregnant, and he was upset about for literally one day, I told him over the phone while he was at work and he came home and didn't even eat dinner. He left in a huff after I told him I'd have this baby with or without him, I've been a single mom of two I'll be a single mom of three. He went to a buddies house that night and had a talk with him and a beer or two and came home saying how he was just really scared, and he didn't want to lose me etc etc. We both had a cry that night. Then the next day and everyday after he's been so happy and excited about it. I knew he would come around, I was just shocked how quickly. I'm so not saying to get pregnant anyway, that is not my point at all. What I'm saying is no one is ever really completely ready, and though they may feel one way they may find they actually feel quite different when actually faced with the situation. Good luck.

 

[tverb84]

Did you and your oh ever talk about having children before getting married? Maybe you should talk to him about it if you haven't.

 

[skyler1]

Well, I was in a similar situation. I have two kids from previous relationships and am married now, and my husband loves my kids as his own and always said he didn't want another. He emphatically told me he Absolutely 100% did not want one. Then I got pregnant, and he was upset about for literally one day, I told him over the phone while he was at work and he came home and didn't even eat dinner. He left in a huff after I told him I'd have this baby with or without him, I've been a single mom of two I'll be a single mom of three. He went to a buddies house that night and had a talk with him and a beer or two and came home saying how he was just really scared, and he didn't want to lose me etc etc. We both had a cry that night. Then the next day and everyday after he's been so happy and excited about it. I knew he would come around, I was just shocked how quickly. I'm so not saying to get pregnant anyway, that is not my point at all. What I'm saying is no one is ever really completely ready, and though they may feel one way they may find they actually feel quite different when actually faced with the situation. Good luck.

Well, I'm sort of hoping that maybe it'll just happen by accident. I will not knowingly get pregnant or trick him into it or anything like that. But it won't be my fault if it is a true accident. I feel like he'd be fine with it after a little while.

Did you and your oh ever talk about having children before getting married? Maybe you should talk to him about it if you haven't.

Well, we did, but not about exactly when we'd have one. At that time, it wasn't something that seemed really important to me. I didn't feel the way I do now. I don't even know what it is that has made me want to have one so badly over the past 6 months. It's not like I'm even around babies that much. I have relatives with babies and small children, but it's not like any of my friends have kids or anything.

 

[staralfur]

I'd say give it some time. You're both so young, it's completely understandable that he doesn't want kids yet. He might change his mind as he gets older... or he might not. I'm 25, and to be honest I don't have a lot of friends my age that are dying for kids yet.

Can you maybe try to keep your mind off of it by planning lots of fun stuff for you and your hubby to do as a couple?

 

[jaspie]

I feel your pain! I was in the same situation, at 23 my OH was not sure he ever wanted kids and it was hard. Then he came around to the idea but said not yet in a few years. Funnily enough he also said at least 30 and I was horrified same as you!
I tried not to keep on about it and always hoped for an accident too! He finally was ready this year and he suggested ttc at Christmas!
At times I thought it would never happen but it has and it will for you too. Men sometimes just need more time than us, he is 29 now and I think that having that time for us together and going on holidays, to festivals and just doing stuff as a couple or with friends has made him feel ready for the next step now as he has not missed out on anything. I'm also happy that he is now comfortable with having a baby and excited rather than feeling it has been pushed on him.
I suppose I am not a very good example because he will be 30 by the time we have a baby! Time has gone quickly though! But i know waiting can be really hard. Good luck hope you can sort something out

 

[skyler1]

^ Haha, I don't know if your story makes me feel better or worse. I feel the same way as you and do not want to push it on him when he's not ready. I should also probably not bug him about it for a while, or that'll make him like the idea even less.

I asked him what would happen if I did get pregnant by accident and he said 1) he wouldn't believe it was actually an accident and 2 ) he guesses we'd keep it. He guesses we'd keep it? This is not a good sign for me....I better start the "TTC in 2023" thread.

 

[AP]

I remember my DH being the same when I was that age. His mind kept changing 'til it stuck

Don't push it, but see if you can both come to a compromise

 

[KalonKiki]

Honestly around 20 years old is when most women really start to get the broody bug, especially if they have a partner. I'm assuming that a lot of hormonal changes happen at that time since you're at peak fertility. Unfortunately men don't get these same awful hormones and I really wish that they did. They don't let up after you have a baby either, my DS is only 9 months old and my stupid hormones are already begging me to get pregnant again.

I wouldn't be pushy with it, but maybe try asking your DH what goals he would like to reach before TTC. Right now my DF wants to have another one, but he has a lot of goals that he wants us to accomplish before we can do that. Maybe if you can come up with some goals together then he might be more receptive to trying for a baby once you've reached them. It never hurts to try and compromise.

 

[jaspie]

^ Haha, I don't know if your story makes me feel better or worse. I feel the same way as you and do not want to push it on him when he's not ready. I should also probably not bug him about it for a while, or that'll make him like the idea even less.

I asked him what would happen if I did get pregnant by accident and he said 1) he wouldn't believe it was actually an accident and 2 ) he guesses we'd keep it. He guesses we'd keep it? This is not a good sign for me....I better start the "TTC in 2023" thread.

It's the right thing not keeping on asking him because the more i pushed the more he resisted so i just left it with him. Just gently ask him his thoughts on the matter now and again. I agree with Kalonkiki, set goals to accomplish and time will pass faster and you may be able to compromise.
You may not have to wait til 30, at least your OH wants kids at some point and he's 21. My OH was 23 saying he did not want kids so you have a better prognosis than I did! He probably just wants to enjoy the two of you before becoming parents. 21 is still very young for men. My OH has changed a lot since being 23, it just takes longer for them unfortunately.
It sometimes made me very sad because I wanted it so much and at one point thought it would never happen. This forum is a brilliant source of support though. Hugs x

 

[bornthiswayxo]

I'm 22 and OH is 21 nearly 22. We were TTC up till recently, many reasons as to why we changed our minds but age is one of them (in his case - I'd say I feel more ready than he does), we're now focusing on spending another year or more as a couple before welcoming our first baby. I feel for me (I became properly broody at like 18!) it's a biological thing, as another replier said. I'm just trying to think, in my case, that just because my body is telling me to - doesn't mean I should just yet. :/

 

[NovemberSnow]

If I were you I'd maybe try and get a bit of a timeline out of him...if you want kids now and he wants to wait until 30, maybe you could agree to meet half way - say 25/26?

I know that having a timeline has helped me loads!

 

[DooDah]

^ ....I better start the "TTC in 2023" thread.

this made me giggle

 

[tverb84]

If I were you I'd maybe try and get a bit of a timeline out of him...if you want kids now and he wants to wait until 30, maybe you could agree to meet half way - say 25/26?

I know that having a timeline has helped me loads!

That sounds like a great idea.

 

[Emiloo]

Hi! I have been with OH for 5 years now since I was 20 and he was 21. And trust me, I was broody from the word go! It hasnt been easy at times, but Im happy we have waited. We have done things we would have been able to if we had got pregnant straight away! We have been on amazing holidays, bought a house and are now putting in a new kitchen Trust me, its not hard all the time, the broodiness comes in waves (to me anyway!) Set yourself goals to work towards to keep yourself busy and motivated.

OH is definitely less scared of having a baby but still isnt ready. I am still hoping to try in 2015 like we had once discussed once we have been in our home for a year.

Like you, I am hoping for a genuine accident!!!

 

[07janet]

I think both of you are super young but I understand it must be frustrating try to talk to him maybe you both can agree and compromise. I will say you both should enjoy life as a married couple vacation etc. because once babies come everything changes. Me and hubby have been together for 11yrs and got married nov2013 now I can say I'm ready for babies we did everything and we enjoy each other. I'm not saying to wait like we did lol but maybe 2 or 3yrs were both of u will be happy when that day comes. Wish you the best *hugs