I wasn't disappointed, quite the opposite... Until tonight...

[amanda111308]

So I feel really nervous talking about this but I need to get this out somehow without causing upset in the family with Christmas so close... I am currently 33 weeks pregnant with my third son. When we were told he was a boy I was relieved and SO incredibly happy. Tonight my brother and sister in law announced on facebook that they are expecting a little girl.. The first girl born to our surname in the past 6 generations... You can imagine how excited everyone is and I am incredibly happy for them but because this is such a rare occurence for our family I am heartbroken that as soon as this girl is born my son and all the boys really will be shoved to the side and basically forgotten because they FINALLY have the girl they have all dreamed of and wanted so badly.

I am sad for my boys... I know they will feel lesser based on all the hype already. My oldest son really wanted a sister and I know this will sting... Does anyone have advice to get past this feeling? I am still incredibly stoked I am having a boy, I wouldn't change it for ANYTHING but I am worried about the treatment of my sons and their feelings.

 

[Babybump87]

Firstly don’t be nervous I’m glad you posted about this as we are all supportive here ! Getting it out is the best !!

Your boys might be fully involved with this little girl when she is born and might end up becoming more like a sister ! I would try and focus on all the positives it may bring for you and your boys for the time being. I know there is nothing worse than feeling like your boys may be pushed aside but if you have close and considerate family it should be ok!.

 

[george83]

I have no advice for you I’m afraid but lots of sympathy. My older sister had a girl first followed by 2 boys, I then had 3 boys and my younger sister has recently had her first child - a baby girl. The amount of comments I heard about it being wonderful there was another girl in the family etc etc it actually made me feel sick as if my boys weren’t special enough. I know sometimes it is just something to say but it’s hard to hear.

I know I’m biased but having 3 boys is great - good luck!

 

[Babybump87]

Ouch I am waiting for the hurtful comments too should baby no 3 be a girl too ! Everyone seems to have their hopes up on a boy ! Me and DH think another girl anyway haha ! Not saying that to anyone though !

 

[amanda111308]

Thank you ladies for your replies. I am feeling much better about things now that the initial shock and awe over the announcement has passed. My in laws have been absolutely lovely about everything and on their own have said to me that this boy is highly anticipated and loved beyond words and have assured me that I shouldn't worry about my boys feeling left out. And truthfully I feel like I have always known they wouldn't play favorites or anything. It tends to be strangers that learn of me having a third boy that say the stupid insensitive comments and give completely unwanted sympathetic looks. I am feeling much better about things for now but I'm sure I might waiver again when she is born in the spring... Lol stupid hormones...

 

[Bevziibubble]

I'm glad you're feeling better about things

 

[bbbbbbb811]

I agree with it being strangers making comments that are rude insensitive. Right in front of my children, are you hoping for a boy this time? No I’m hoping for a baby! I’m glad your in-laws reassured you and you’re feeling better! I get upset about my children being left out by my OHs family, but he always says that they have all they need, me and him

 

[Babybump87]

Aww how lovely are your in laws ! So happy your feeling better about the news !

Totally agree strangers or people you don’t know that well can be so insensitive! People have said to me about my pregnancy are you hoping for a boy , were you trying for a boy and like you bbb I just said no we tried for a baby ! It’s so annoying!

 

[bumble b]

I have 3 boys & know exactly how it feels. We were sure ds3 was our last & i was content with 3 boys so this little bonus baby's gender hasn't bothered me at all. I would happily have 4 boys i think i toughened up during ds3's pregnancy so i'm prepared for any comments this time, i'll pounce haha! My in laws only have one grandaughter but it's not my duty to change that so i'm not fussed lol x

 

[noon_child]

I know it can be hurtful to face this difference in other people's excitement but it's nice sometimes to flip things on their head re-evaluate it and if you think about it, all the "fuss" that will be made of this girl could easily become suffocating for her. Because she is the only girl she may well be expected to be a certain way - love dressing-up, playing with dolls etc. but surrounded by young boys she might want to join in with their games (although they may also love dress up and dolls!). The expectation on her to be the girl 'they' all want may quash who she is as an individual. Your son by comparison might be free to be his own person because no-one has any expectations about him!

 

[amanda111308]

I know it can be hurtful to face this difference in other people's excitement but it's nice sometimes to flip things on their head re-evaluate it and if you think about it, all the "fuss" that will be made of this girl could easily become suffocating for her. Because she is the only girl she may well be expected to be a certain way - love dressing-up, playing with dolls etc. but surrounded by young boys she might want to join in with their games (although they may also love dress up and dolls!). The expectation on her to be the girl 'they' all want may quash who she is as an individual. Your son by comparison might be free to be his own person because no-one has any expectations about him!

I never thought about all of this from this angle before. There will definitely be some pressure on her to be a certain way I think and that really takes the pressure off of my crazy boys haha. My newest little boy is going to be born next week because of some complications that have come into play recently. Now that induction is set for Tuesday, I am feeling incredible and so unbelievably happy that he will soon be here!!

 

[Babybump87]

So glad your feeling better about the situation !

Good luck for your induction !

 

[amanda111308]

So just an update from my original post. My sil is in labour now and if this baby doesnt come in the next 5 hours she will share a birthday with my oldest son... Ffs... Just keeps getting better and better...

 

[bobster]

Sorry to hear this. It’s always hard at first when family get a different gender but I bet the novelty of a girl will soon wear off. I can imagine I would feel exactly the same as you in this situation. I hope she’s born later

 

[cheerios]

When was the baby born? My SIL was going to be induced on my 3rd boy’s birthday but baby came on her own just one day before my boy’s birthday! So that helps. Even though we will have to coordinate birthday parties in years to come.

 

[amanda111308]

The baby shares a birthday with my oldest son.... By literally an hour... It's annoying but it's not the end of the world I suppose.