I worry I will shake the baby

[SIEGAL]

I have no patience. Sometimes when I mad at my husband I throw things at him (nothing hard, I am not trying to hurt him just aggravate him -- last week I threw cut up fruit at him) and occasionally if I am hysterical I will throw his stuff around (and don't get me wrong he will start by breaking my stuff). I know this isnt partiucalarly healthy or normal but I am worried when the baby is born I might not be able to control myself if it doesnt stop cyring, or annoys me????? Or is this just a fear new mothers have? I feel like a horrible person

I don't want anyone to misunderstand, I am not a violent person, I never got into a fight (besides verbal occasionally with husband, mom or something), never hurt anyone, nothing like that. But when me and my husband fight I am just so annoyed I throw fruit, pillows, non-hurtable things,etc at him. and I am just so aggravated I can't help it. I just wonder if something like that can happen with a baby? I think I just worry too much, I also worry I will forget to feed the baby or if I got on a diet after i give birth my breastmilk will have no nutrients (that one has been torturing me as I want to diet!), I especially worry I will forget about it an leave it in the car, etc

 

[aliss]

I would really recommend some kind of anger management *now* before the baby gets here. I never had that issue before when I was pregnant, but after the baby came and the colic set in, I also felt the same way. It's extremely hard when a baby is crying and you can't help it. I think over and over to myself to take a deep breath, he is just a baby, etc.

My public health nurse gave me a purple dvd (https://www.dontshake.org/sbs.php?topNavID=3&subNavID=317) and it really helped me be cognizant of the feeling. There are also interviews with women whose babies were shook to death by the father and babysitter. It's very very hard to watch - but if you have anger problems, you NEED to watch it.

 

[xbabybumpx]

Ok this worries me. If your temper is that bad,maybe you should of got some help before deciding to have a baby

 

[SIEGAL]

Ok this worries me. If your temper is that bad,maybe you should of got some help before deciding to have a baby

Well, its too late now, I am already pregnant. You never once threw a strawberry at your husband? A pen? Nothing? hm.....I guess thowing things is less normal than I thought.

 

[Blue_bumpkin]

Ok this worries me. If your temper is that bad,maybe you should of got some help before deciding to have a baby

That was a little uncalled for and not helpful at all.

The OP is looking for advice not judgement.

I think what aliss said makes alot of sense. Perhaps that dvd is something you should look into? I'd also speak with someone about it and get it sorted before bubs arrives. You have a bit of time yet to try and help things

ETA: as a side note is this just a recent thing? If so it could just be your hormones? Id have launched my OH out the window when I was pregnant if I could have lifted him!

 

[SIEGAL]

Ok this worries me. If your temper is that bad,maybe you should of got some help before deciding to have a baby

That was a little uncalled for and not helpful at all.

The OP is looking for advice not judgement.

I think what aliss said makes alot of sense. Perhaps that dvd is something you should look into? I'd also speak with someone about it and get it sorted before bubs arrives. You have a bit of time yet to try and help things

ETA: as a side note is this just a recent thing? If so it could just be your hormones? Id have launched my OH out the window when I was pregnant if I could have lifted him!

Its more recent, maybe sicne I been pregnant. But I feel like its not my hormones but its him?? he has this obsession that I am trying to control him. Like today I asked him to change the channel (a 9/11 documentary was on) when they showed the people jumping out of the tower b/c I just found it too sad (I am a native NYer) and he went crazy saying how I have to control everying including the TV. I just went ballistic! so it might be hormones but I think he just aggravtes me.

 

[Blue_bumpkin]

My OH started grating on me when I was pregnant. I felt like he was picking at me all the time even though he probably wasn't iykwim?

You could speak to your MW and get some advice if you think its getting out of hand. That and i'd maybe speak to your OH too. Maybe explain to him how aggravated you've been getting and how he could help? hormones can play crazy tricks on people. I look back and think why on earth did i do and say some of the things i did. I had OH bags packed every other weekend

Its difficult keeping calm sometimes with a screaming baby though, especially when you're tired/exhausted so I wouldnt let it just go on like this, it will only be worse when LO arrives. if it is hormones it may only be temporary but id defo see someone about it sooner rather than later

 

[XcupcakeX]

I would definately look into a course of anger management, as its very unhealthy to be worrying about the chance you might harm your baby. I cant say i have ever thrrown anything at OH (feel like i could sometimes though!) Well done for realising you have a problem though, hope you get it sorted

 

[XcupcakeX]

Ok this worries me. If your temper is that bad,maybe you should of got some help before deciding to have a baby

What an awful thing to say People come on here for advice and support not to be made to feel even worse by hurtful comments like that

 

[Marlarky]

I feel like this all the time, hun. Since pregnancy, I have been at OH's neck all the time. And yes, I throw things at him and i throw things all over the place. Then he tells me im crazy and it makes me worse!! Eventually I settle down aand realize that how I was acting was uunacceptable, eventually when OH says, if you throw things at me, how are you going to treat the baby when you cant stop him from crying???

I realize that I have a problem just like you realize you have one. All I can really say is that these people are right, and we should get help before the baby comes.


Do you feel you will have PDD?? Because I feel I will, and I am going to research it as much as I can, and figure out how to control it.

Good luck and feel free to msg me if you need help We can help eachother!

 

[Blue_bumpkin]

I feel like this all the time, hun. Since pregnancy, I have been at OH's neck all the time. And yes, I throw things at him and i throw things all over the place. Then he tells me im crazy and it makes me worse!! Eventually I settle down aand realize that how I was acting was uunacceptable, eventually when OH says, if you throw things at me, how are you going to treat the baby when you cant stop him from crying???

I realize that I have a problem just like you realize you have one. All I can really say is that these people are right, and we should get help before the baby comes.


Do you feel you will have PDD?? Because I feel I will, and I am going to research it as much as I can, and figure out how to control it.

Good luck and feel free to msg me if you need help We can help eachother![/QUOTE]

What a great idea Its always helpful to have the support of someone who is going through similar

It must be difficult accepting feeling like you do hun and being brave enough to admit that you may have an anger issue. A lot of ppl would bury their heads in the sand. I hope you get it sorted and feel better about things soon x

 

[kiwimama]

I think an anger management course or even just seeing a counsellor will definately help you. This could all be down to hormones but you have to remember that your hormones will be all over the place for awhile after you have had baby and it is not worth ever hurting your baby, you know this and is why you have asked for help. If you see a counsellor now, they will be able to give you tips on not only how to control your anger but also on what you can do when you feel yourself starting to get angry or upset when your baby won't stop crying. There was more than a few times I had to leave my dd crying in her cot and walk slowly out to the mailbox to get away from it all and crying is not going to do any harm to your baby. Some people say, baby crying = stress for baby but crying for awhile is much better than what could happen if you shake a baby. I do hope you manage to find something suitable to help you and you are feeling more in control soon.

 

[PrayinForBaby]

I think an anger management course or even just seeing a counsellor will definately help you. This could all be down to hormones but you have to remember that your hormones will be all over the place for awhile after you have had baby and it is not worth ever hurting your baby, you know this and is why you have asked for help. If you see a counsellor now, they will be able to give you tips on not only how to control your anger but also on what you can do when you feel yourself starting to get angry or upset when your baby won't stop crying. There was more than a few times I had to leave my dd crying in her cot and walk slowly out to the mailbox to get away from it all and crying is not going to do any harm to your baby. Some people say, baby crying = stress for baby but crying for awhile is much better than what could happen if you shake a baby. I do hope you manage to find something suitable to help you and you are feeling more in control soon.

I just had to do this about 40 minutes ago....I love my baby with every ounce of me, but sometimes I just have to walk outside, sometimes even smoke a cigarette (which I quit when I was pregnant), and just regroup. I never feel like hurting her, but I'm stressed to the max and I think maybe if she gets some frustration and I get some frustration out then when we cuddle again it will be better.

 

[Waiting2bMommy]

I am guilty of throwing things too lol. Nothing crazy but a few months back my hubby said something to me that upset me so much I threw one of my step-sons toy story toys at his head. I felt so bad after I cried. Come to find out I was 6 weeks pregnant but none the less I have thrown things when hormonal. I started seeing a therapist just to learn how to talk instead of react and its worked wonders. Maybe just see a counciler before baby gets here to sort out your feelings about your OH and being scared about not handling it well when baby comes. Sometimes all it takes is a little talking

 

[NeyNey]

A baby can definitely be one of the most frustrating additions into your life so it's good that you recognise that you do have a bit of a temper now hun. Maybe speak to someone, also do a lot of research on settling techniques, burping methods etc for when baby arrives so you have a few ideas to try when bub is crying a lot and you can't console him/her. You will love your baby, and the best thing you can do is walk away....I have done it with Dylan, babies will not die from crying, so if you find you're getting too upset just walk away for a few mins hun and collect yourself.

 

[aob1013]

Ok this worries me. If your temper is that bad,maybe you should of got some help before deciding to have a baby

Why do you always say such unhelpful things

Anyway, yes hun i understand how you feel. During pregnancy i was a witch. Really aggressive, shouted all the time .. i was crazy! As soon as i gave birth i totally mellowed and went back to normal. Pregnancy does change us, but i promise it will get better. In the meantime, please get some help from your GP x

 

[kindofagirl]

I would really recommend some kind of anger management *now* before the baby gets here. I never had that issue before when I was pregnant, but after the baby came and the colic set in, I also felt the same way. It's extremely hard when a baby is crying and you can't help it. I think over and over to myself to take a deep breath, he is just a baby, etc.

But if you have anger problems, you NEED to watch it.

Totally agree with this comment

I am so patient and my baby had severe colic, and I really felt like I could have shaken him sometimes, thankfully I didnt, but if you baby has colic I am worried that you might shake him/her

 

[kindofagirl]

Ok this worries me. If your temper is that bad,maybe you should of got some help before deciding to have a baby

That was a little uncalled for and not helpful at all.

The OP is looking for advice not judgement.

I think what aliss said makes alot of sense. Perhaps that dvd is something you should look into? I'd also speak with someone about it and get it sorted before bubs arrives. You have a bit of time yet to try and help things

ETA: as a side note is this just a recent thing? If so it could just be your hormones? Id have launched my OH out the window when I was pregnant if I could have lifted him!

Its more recent, maybe sicne I been pregnant. But I feel like its not my hormones but its him?? he has this obsession that I am trying to control him. Like today I asked him to change the channel (a 9/11 documentary was on) when they showed the people jumping out of the tower b/c I just found it too sad (I am a native NYer) and he went crazy saying how I have to control everying including the TV. I just went ballistic! so it might be hormones but I think he just aggravtes me.

Oh I have to say me and OH had ridiculous massive rows when I was pregnant but dont normally and didnt once he was born, so hopefully its just the pregnancy hormones in you making you a little bit angry.

PS no I have never thrown anything at my OH and he has never thrown anything at me

 

[cleckner04]

I do agree maybe it'd be good to just take a little course on how to control your anger. I actually had the opposite happen. I used to just let stuff build up and than I'd have a huge blow up. But since having Emma I am so much calmer and nothing really gets me down. We all have moments where we need to step away for a moment or two. But there is absolutely nothing wrong with that and there is also nothing wrong with getting a little help and preparing for anything that could happen. Pregnancy is a roller coaster ride of hormones and emotions. It will settle back down. Never be afraid to ask for help either.

 

[Buffy71]

I can't count the number of times I've had thoughts of clumping my hubby - particularly when pregnant. I couldn't bear him - he drove me nuts. I thought of leaving him. Fruit - pah - more likely the crate it came in! I never did anything but damn those hormones made me think sone bad thoughts at him.

If you're doing it to aggravate him perhaps you are just in need of a bit more attention and support from him? Pregnancy is s time when you're pretty much out of control of your own body, maybe you are being a little more controlling than normal - he needs to be a bit more understanding!

Anyway my point is that arsey as I felt (and sometimes still feel) towards hubby - I'd never hurt lo - I can't imagine you would either. If you're really worried chat with your mw as suggested. Xxx