Ideas to prepare for the outcome of our gender scan

[Guppy051708]

I am 10 weeks pregnant (tomorrow). I find out the sex of the baby April 2nd. I have 2 boys and I suffered GD pretty badly after i found out DS2 was a boy (actually had it with my first, but i knew we were having more so it wasn't as bad). But now this is our last baby, so our last shot at having a girl. I know I dont have to explain to you lovely ladies what it's like to have a huge desire for a mother-daughter relationship (or for those desiring a son, the mother-son bond). I am both dreading and looking forward to the scan. Last time was pretty tramatic, finding out I was not going to have that mother-daughter bond, and i know it's only going to be worse (since this is our last chance). So i was hoping that i could get some positive ideas or coping skills for how to deal if the tech says "it's a boy". I will never forget how i felt when i found out each of my boys were not girls. it makes my heart sink. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my boys to death (you girls now what im talking about!) but i just dont want things to be as traumatic as they were last time. I know i am going to be disappointed, and severely (if this one is a boy and not a girl). So what are ideas, thoughts, things i could do, to make things a little more positive should this be another son?

And please do not say anything about looking forward to a healthy baby. As mothers we always want that, and it doesn't take the pain of the "loss" away nor improve that feeling

 

[ILoveYouZandT]

I wish I had some amazing advice, I really do. But I don't. Obviously you know I was lucky enough to get my gender dream this time. But what I did do the whole time leading up to the scan (besides obsessing excessively) was tell myself it was going to be a boy. Definitely a coping mechanism. But I'm pretty positive if I had found out this baby was a boy I would have said "told ya so" to all those around me who thought it would be a girl... Still feel the huge loss, but get over it sooner than had I told myself it would be a girl.

Despite literally having an anxiety attack, throwing up before the ultrasound ect ect.. I think I was prepared to see a penis and was almost confused when I didn't see one. Which is why in the end I needed another ultrasound because I still could not believe I would actually be having the daughter I wanted so darn badly!

So although probably the crudiest advice, tell yourself it's a boy?! In the end if you're having a boy maybe you'll be more ready? And in the end if you're having a girl.. You'll have a huge surprise and be that much more over the moon.

Either way I'm excited to hear your results! It's also exciting that when you have you're scan my little one will be due 12 days later!

 

[MrsStutler]

I wish I could give you advice but all I can offer is support. We go for our gender scan tomorrow morning and I'm terrified of finding out. Part of me just doesn't want to know...as if sticking my head in the sand will prevent it from being a girl. I have been trying very hard not to think or speak in any specific way. We haven't picked names yet just so we don't get our hopes up for the boy name and I absolutely refuse to tell anybody what I think it is, or listen to anybody's opinions either.

 

[_jellybean_]

I think that the best thing to do is to try to convince yourself that you're having another bundle. That's really the only thing I can think of. Maybe that will make hearing blue (if you do) a tiny bit easier.

 

[Eleanor ace]

I'm not sure whether this would work for you but I have been looking at cute boys clothes online and when it gets closer to me having LO I plan to fill my shopping basket online at Next with all the boys stuff I like, ready to click "buy" if LO is s boy! I know it sounds shallow but I know it will cheer me up a bit to buy him some cute stuff. So if shopping is your thing, maybe bookmark some cute stuff to buy a boy? I've also got a list of boys names I love which has helped as I know it will cheer me up (for want of a better expression- I know if its a boy my son won't be a dissapointment to me). So maybe looking at names? Good luck and pink vibes for you!!

 

[Guppy051708]

thanks for your ideas girls.

I think the shopping idea would be helpful. Last time (boy #2), i had disappointment and we never shopped for that baby because i already had EVERYTHING i needed for him since DS1 was born 17 months before. So i didn't have that sort of fun. felt guilty for buying stuff when money was tight and we already had everything. But maybe i should reconsider that for this time. That could help.

I was on pinterest and one idea i came up with is revealing the gender in a fun way. That way if it is a boy i have some form of excitment, and plus i am really worried about the comments from my mom and my MIL. EVERY time i have had a boy, i would get negative responses from both of them. "oh. it's not a girl? :/ " etc. I really dont think i can deal with that this time, especially when i need to deal with my own emotions! So i hope if i plan a fun gender reveal, that will get me a little excited and the others less upset about another boy, so in return i am less upset. Im not sure yet what we will do. Its a challenge bc we dont live anywhere near family/friends, so it has to be done online or through the mail.

 

[ILoveYouZandT]

Maybe even talking to family members about your feelings and explaining to them that regardless of the outcome you would only like positive responses??

I had the same shopping plan as well. Mostly when it came to clothes, I had seen a lot of the same clothes on three previous boys (nephew, first son and second son), although I did purchase my own stuff along the way for both.. The plan was still to get rid of all the boy clothing and buy new stuff.

 

[Pearls18]

No one here is going to judge you hun. I am going to do what the others suggest and convince myself it is a boy

 

[cckarting]

i tried doing the convincing it's a boy, it doesn't work at that well. Still when they tell you it's a boy it still hurts terribly! Shopping didn't work for me either. The only thing that did make it better is the boys excitement for the baby, yes they were both upset at first they weren't getting a sister, but they are both very excited now for the baby. having them help come up with a name for him, listening to the baby on the doppler, my youngest picking him out clothes he wants him to wear when we go out of town for our dr's visits. My oldest finding blankets and stuffed animals that the baby has to have! Those are the things that really helped cope with having another boy. It made me realize no matter what gender my boys will love the baby no matter what and they are excited to show the baby off, no matter what gender it was! My youngest yesterday when we were walking up to the hospital to my appt told me i just wish it was easter already i wanna see my baby. it made me feel good he is still so excited when he really wanted a sister! GL guppy fx you won't have to go through any sort of disappointment and you get your little girl!

 

[maybebaby3]

I really want a girl this time. I keep telling myself its a boy but there's always a glimmer of hope. I've decided not to find out the gender as I reckon when baby is born i won't care wat it is, I'll just be happy he/she is here whereas I think I will definitely be disappointed at the 20wk mark if its a boy.

 

[motherofboys]

I'm concentrating on all the positives. Like sitting out all my boys old clothes for the baby and the fact that they will be able to play with the same toys. I am convincing myself that it will be a boy, and will look only at boys stuff and boys names etc if I think I'm having a boy and get all set for a boy then a girl will be a surprise.

 

[tinkerbelle93]

I definitely think buying a few REALLY gorgeous, cute boy outfits in the weeks beforehand (like really treat yourself to whatever you want) and keep looking at them and imagining a little baby boy in them. I think that would help. I also think it's good to play down how much you want a girl to people in RL, because if you do get boy news they'll be dissapointed on your behalf and it'll feel worse announcing it.. I would probably just keep saying to everyone that I was absoloutely sure I was carrying another boy. xx

 

[Guppy051708]

I just wanted to update with something that i have found that hopefully will curb any GD should our final baby not be our dream girl...DH asked me what i wanted for my birthday, so i told him i wanted a private early u/s to find the sex out. So we are booked for that March 16th. That is about 3-4 weeks earlier than when i would have originally found out (at the the "20 week" scan).
We are not going to tell anyone IRL that we are getting this scan. So if we do end up having another boy, then i wont have to answer to people nor hear their negative comments (which is something i worry about bc it happened w every other pregnancy). This will also give me time to let it sink in and get used to the idea of being a blue house. (should the baby be boy, which is something im trying to convince myself of so that im less disappointed but at this point im failing miserably at that :blush Anyways, I figure DH and I can keep the news to ourselves for a few weeks and just deal with our emotions and things, instead of having to deal with everyone elses on top of that. iykwim? I think this will also help when i go for my fetal survey. In every other pregnancy, the moment they tell me "it's a boy", i get upset and then i dont even care about the fact that im seeing my baby (in my head, i dont show my feelings during the scan though i do ball my eyes out in the car!) So i hope that this helps with that bond and connections. Hoping ill be over things on time for the 20 week scan and actually be able to enjoy the u/s.

If it's a girl, the entire universe will know. HAHA but im trying to not get my hopes up.

...only 21 more sleeps until we know!

 

[ILoveYouZandT]

I'm so excited for you! Either way things will be okay. =)

I tried to tell myself that hey, even if I had three boys, I was still the momma brave enough to take on that challenge hehe.

But that may only be a challenge because my boys are extremely high energy lol!!

 

[motherofboys]

That's a great idea to give yourself time with out having anyone else interfering.

 

[geordiemammy]

Fingers crossed you get your girl this time!! I'm hoping for my miracle girl after 4 boys and 4 miscarriages I know exactly how you feel I just want a pink room but will love it either way (if i get that far) as you will

 

[HHenderson]

Im bringing a box of tissues with me because if I dont have a boy I will be crying for days straight. The whole hour ride home after I find out. Its going to be so heartbreaking. Its even worse like you said because you know its your last chance to get what you want!

 

[Guppy051708]

ive been thinking about my reaction if she tells me it's another boy. It took a lot to hold back the tears the last time...i'll probably cry my eyes out when i get into the car...if it's a girl i'll probably cry on the table DH is taking me and the boys to IKEA after the u/s, so im hoping that gives me something to be happy about. ..i hadn't even really considered much of it if the baby is a girl...i guess im trying my best not to get my hopes up. I tried convincing myself it's a boy, to help with the GD, but i can't. I tried that with DS2 and it didn't do a thing. ...19 more days.

 

[HHenderson]

Ikea-I just saw there was horsemeat found in the swedish meatballs. Yuck! I went there a couple of weeks ago and had the chefs salad, yum. Thats crazy your ultrasound is 19 days mine is 21 days away. Im dredding the hour long drive. Hopefully the baking soda test is right and its a boy! Good luck!

 

[Guppy051708]

We have to drive an hour and 45 minutes, (its down below Boston). But totally worth it. I love walking around IKEA...will steer clear of the swedishballs though!
For me, i find driving to be a stress reducer. It's just very comforting to me, so it's probably a good thing for us.