If its not one thing, its another..

Discussion in 'Teen Pregnancy' started by KrisKitten, Dec 11, 2009.

  1. KrisKitten

    KrisKitten Well-Known Member

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    Ok so don't worry, me and Cav r ok it seems. No change, still havent talked properly but he has bin makin an effort to come and chat to me and ask me ho things r etc - 4 once this isnt a post about our relationship.
    Oh no, this is a whole new lot of AARRRGGHH.

    My mum has suffered from bouts of depression since i can remember. Well i dont know if depression sums it up right, thats how wev always reffered to it. Basically she totally changes, she gets really nervouse, starts repeating herself, wont eat, has an obsession with insisting shes ok, passes out at in oppertune moments, gets upset at things v easily, watever u say she thinks its a dig and she starts apologising profusely, aying how bad she is, she desperatly7 needs to sleep but wont go to bed 4 sum reason and insissts on falling asleep on the sofa in awkard positions that always mean the bout will last longer. The night always end with her insisting u hate her, shes a bad person and shes useless, orr she has never done nething wrong, u r trying to bully her, u dont do things right and all she tries to do is help.... Sometimes a combination of the 2.
    Its allways induced by stress, sometimes a big thing, sometimes something tiny and it can last nething from 1 day to months. On average a few days/weeks. My stepdad cant handle it, it drives him mad, its very difficult to be patient with her when it has been happening so many years and such tiny things set her off. SHe basically acts like shes reeaallly drunk but she definatly hasnt had a drop.
    One of her key kickstarts is going to the hairdressers (shes very self concious bout her hair as its quite thin) altho the ensuins upsettness is never about that it just sparks the state iykwim?
    She is driving me mad right now!! Im soo soo tired, i cant be doing with it. She keeps asking me the same questions over and over till eventually i snap, tell her shes repeating herself and she looks shocked and tell me im lieing. Im picking on her, y am i being so horrible, all shes trying to do is help, then she cries.
    In fact in the time iv bin writing this shes upset agen coz i just shouted at her :(
    I feel so guilty, she just pushes it so far and im already so tired and drained i snap an answer at her and then she gets upset coz of it and think i hate her.
    I hate guilt.
    I feel so rubbish right now.
    All i do on this forum is whinge, im sorry but i just want to burst into tears.
    Tommys not well coz he had his jabs this morning, but now i have to go sort food to make sure shell eat (if she doesnt it goes on longer) and later tonight afta putting tommy to bed i no im gonna have to come down agen and spend an hour or 2 tryin to wake her up to go to bed for the millionth time. Iv bin doing this since i was 7 and tbh its really getting old.
    I am so tired :(
     
  2. Midnight_Fairy

    Midnight_Fairy New baby J

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    That must be very hard hun and alot of pressure on you :( Is there any way your mum can get support with things so you dont feel as pressured?

    Hope all is ok x
     
  3. have you tried talking to her when she is 'normal' (plz dnt that that offencive i didnt know how else to put it) and explaining to he whayt she is like and how it affects you and the family, and maye suggesting she seeks medical advice, let het know that you will be there for support....
     
  4. TacoTurtle

    TacoTurtle Guest

    My OH has had problems with his mother's alcoholism and drug abuse for the past several years, and it's extremely difficult for him. Sometimes she'll get better for awhile, and things are fine, but she always goes back to her neglectful state.

    Has she ever sought help for her condition? It seems she could be depressed, or even bipolar... Perhaps there's something that can be done?

    I'm sorry that you have to go through with this right now, especially with a newborn, hun :hugs:

    If you need someone to talk to, feel free to PM me.
     
  5. annawrigley

    annawrigley Guest

    that must be hard to deal with :(:hugs:

    my dad is bipolar and i am usually very patient with him, but occasionally i snap, he always acts like hes not fussed and just kind of laughs it off but i can tell it really bothers him to be thought of as "annoying" or whatever so i feel so guilty for it and just say sorry later and that i was having a bad day or something.

    does your mum acknowledge she has a problem? or a temporary problem, or however you would describe it? :p
    because if she doesnt i can see how that could make it even harder for you!

    dont know what else to say sorry :( xxx
     
  6. aliss

    aliss Well-Known Member

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    Oh boy hun, do I ever feel your pain. I'm not a teen - I'm 26 - but I have dealt with a similar issue (parent alcoholism) since I was in diapers.

    My only advice for you is to realize that you cannot change them, no matter how much you talk to them or want them to realize what they are doing to you. It doesn't matter to them. They don't care - they don't see it - they are sick and cannot change until they accept they must change themselves.

    The only thing that got me out of it was... to stop caring. I know that sounds harsh, but you can love a person (you will always love your mom and I will always love my dad), but it's ok to "not care" about the sick person. You are not a martyr and you have your own to look after.

    This may sound harsh to anyone who hasn't grown up in this sort of situation but there comes a time when you need to detach and move on because again, you cannot change a sick person who does not wish it.
     
  7. TattiesMum

    TattiesMum Well-Known Member

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    Aliss is spot on! It's called 'detatching with love' and it basically amounts to acknowledging that you love your Mum but that her illness isn't caused by you, can't be changed by you and shouldn't affect YOUR emotional state.

    My H has long term problems with depression and mood changes thanks to an abusive childhood - his 'fits' of depression used to really affect me until I felt completely worn out by it all and ended up depressd myself (I too suffer from depression but take medication for it so am OK most of the time) .... Eventually I learned to switch off from his moods - I just carry on as if everything is normal until it is again.

    If you Google 'depression fall out' you will see that you are far from alone :hugs: just about everyone who lives with someone with mental health or addiction problems feels the same way - there are lots and lots of websites and forums which can help you learn how to detatch yourself from your Mum's spells whilst still loving her loads :) :kiss:
     
  8. Hannah :)

    Hannah :) Pregnant with #3!

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    Aw hun :( that must me so hard to deal with as it is let alone with a new baby around. I think your amazing for looking after her i really do and i dont blame you for snapping sometimes!
    I know its easyer said than done but i really think you need to talk to her, or talk to your step Dad about it and maybe consider getting some sort of help for her cos that really does not sound like normal behavior. Like people have said before it very much sound like she has Bipolar Disorder, one minuet being fine and the next acting really manic, being paranoid and not sleeping. Its hard to talk to your parents about it, i know cos i have experience from my mom suffering with depression. Its like you dont want to offend them or treat them like a child but at the end of the day its better for her to get help even if she feels she doesnt need it than her not get any help at all and get worse :(
    I hope everything gets better for you and your Mom soon hun :)
    xxx
     
  9. KrisKitten

    KrisKitten Well-Known Member

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    Thanx for all your responses.
    Unfortunatly its not quite as simple as 'get her to speak to someone'. When i was alot younger she did go for counseling and strangely they did not diagnose bipolar (which is what was expected) the doc simply sed that sumtimes she reverts back to a childish state as a way of attention seeking. Not in a bad way but she also suffered abuse and i she looks to feel as if shes loved. Unfortunatly nothing i can do seems to work.
    Shes wonderful wen shes normal, so supportive, has totally got me through these last few months but i cant stand it when shes like this.
    If you talk to her about it when she is normal she seems totally clueless about whats happened. Not that she completely blanks the time out but its just referred to as her 'not being well'. I usually say shes ill when shes like this.
    I understand what alliss and TattiesMum are saying but i just dont think i can do that. She specifically asks me to try and make her feel better. If i ignore her she ends up passing out and whimpering, or asking me y i hate her and telling me how she deserves it coz shes such a bad mum. If i talk to her she always wants more. When i used to go out shell ring me up saying only i understand and can i come home soon coz she needs me. It wasnt as bad then coz i could just go down to friends house and get away for a few hours.
    Or even just have a smoke and itd calm me down and id feel less on edge.
    Now i cant do either and im just so close to xploding.
    :(:(
    xxx
     
  10. TattiesMum

    TattiesMum Well-Known Member

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    It sounds a bit like what my H was diagnosed with Kris :hugs: His doctor called it Dependent Personality Disorder and, like your Mum's it relates back to childhood abuse.

    Being a Bloke his bad spells show as being moody and silently aggressive (I don't mean violent I just mean using silence and sulks in an aggressive way) It's hard to explain unless you've experienced it, but like your Mum it's a form of attention seeking :(

    I totally understand that you want to support her through her bad times - and that alone shows what a lovely person you are :hugs: :) And that's fine if it gets them over with quicker BUT you also need to look after your own emotional needs and that means getting out occasionally to recharge your batteries and do someting you enjoy - even if it's just wrapping up warm and taking Tommy out for a walk in the buggy or perhaps to a Mums and Tots group - just to give you a break.

    You must feel like you're responsible for everyone at the moment Hon - Tommy, Cav and your Mum :( :hugs::hugs:
     
  11. QuintinsMommy

    QuintinsMommy Well-Known Member

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    kriskitten, I know this is way off topic, but I was looking for post of yours to say...lol I'm as pregnant as you were when you found out you were pregnant ! blows my mind.:wacko: lol sorry for being so random its 3 in the morning here and I cant sleep:coffee:
     
  12. KrisKitten

    KrisKitten Well-Known Member

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    I cant remember xactky wat the caled it co it was yrs ago n e dnt talk bout it now but that dus ring a bell.
    Iv never ever known ne1 to have the same thing or even similar, pple usually thnk im makin it up or over eggsagerating until they actually c her in a state.

    Couldnt sum it up better if i tried, thanx. Im just so tired, i love this forum - its the only place pple have ever proply seemed 2 understad wtf im on about lol

    lol this is a pic of me just after that 33 week scan - probly bout whre u r now.
    I knew 4 a cupl weeks b4 this but no1 else but Cav did...
    u can see my belly if u no wat ur lookin 4...
    https://i939.photobucket.com/albums/ad235/KrisKitten22/CIMG0889.jpg
     
  13. KrisKitten

    KrisKitten Well-Known Member

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    lol sorry 4 my tpin btw - 1 handed thnx to my little man.
    Weirdly hes the easiest to take care of :dohh: xxx
     
  14. QuintinsMommy

    QuintinsMommy Well-Known Member

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    lol I don't see a belly kriskitten:p
    your lucky, must of been easy to get back into pre-preg clothes (if you ever got out of them!)
     
  15. KrisKitten

    KrisKitten Well-Known Member

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    this was 3 weeks l8a
    https://i939.photobucket.com/albums/ad235/KrisKitten22/3568.jpg

    im back in size 6/8 jeans now :blush: xxxxx
     
  16. shelx

    shelx Mummy to 2 gorgeous boys

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    6/8 jeans sooo jealous lol! i cnt wait to get back into shape! your story still amazes me about how late you found out! the kicks for me wouold give it right away lol xx
     
  17. aliss

    aliss Well-Known Member

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    It's hard, sorry you are going through this. I think it wasn't until I was around 19 that I began to "detach" from the situation. She has no right to ask you to make her feel better (that is something only a psychiatrist can even begin to deal with), she sounds quite needy and is using you for a crutch.

    Take care of yourself & your child, and be ready to move on when the time comes (it will come). Have you ever spoken with any sort of support group that deals with children of mentally ill parents? I think you'll find it very beneficial.
     
  18. annawrigley

    annawrigley Guest

    i love this pic you look so cute and petite and your bump looks great :D xxx
     
  19. TattiesMum

    TattiesMum Well-Known Member

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    Agree totally Anna .... Kris you are, quite simply, STUNNING!!! :hugs::hugs:
     
  20. emz87

    emz87 Well-Known Member

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    hey kris i can totally understand where your coming from the past 5 years have been utter hell when talking about my mother,shes an alcoholic and has mental health problems not sure what ones tho as she is a compulsive liar. Iv seen her beat my father up,trash our home, hit me when i was pregnant how i never went in to early labour is beyond me. She would cry for hours and rock back and fore and went me to tell her that everyone loved her and cuddle her i couldnt cuddle her i thought her tears were dirty!! she also nearly killed my dad, my sis and my nephew by drink driving!! She walked out of the house just over a year ago and we have trouble of her now and again she got her new partner and his brothers to come to our house to give my father a beating.....luckily i was there with tyler nothing happened to my dad. As i sit here now its bringing back memories of what she has done to me and my family, i dont really have anyone to talk to about it so i just try and forget about it.If you ever wanty a chat pm me x x
     

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