ILs vent

[smilebig]

Hi everyone, so I'm a month away from my due date and yesterday my ILs basically told my husband they are getting divorced after 30+ years of marriage. This announcement came as a complete shock to my husband and his siblings, since there were no outward signs of any strain in the marriage. Apparently my MIL is the one who initiated the whole thing and my FIL is reluctantly agreeing to the divorce though he really wants to try to work it out.
My husband is reeling from the news and we are so disappointed and upset at both his parents during a time that should be happy and exciting. I know that divorce at any stage in life is never good timing, but really?!!? right before the birth of their first grandchild??! I feel so angry that my husband and I not only have to deal with the newness of having a baby and becoming parents, but also that my ILs are putting him through the strain and stress of a divorce. I feel like they are being super selfish (especially my MIL, since she seems totally closed off to the idea of even trying to reconcile with my FIL).
Ugh, this month should be such a happy time as we wait for baby, but all my husband and I can think of is stuff like splitting up holidays between my ILs and if they'll get along once the baby is here, etc. At the same time, my MIL is freaking me out because she'll send me texts that say, "I am SO anxious to meet MY baby" and "I can't wait to hold MY grandchild" and other things to that effect. It's like she thinks the divorce + first grandkid = sunshine and happiness forever. All I can think is that they're breaking up a family
Has anyone else had to deal with this?

 

[Indi84]

I've not had to deal with this with a baby due but both me and dh have divorced parents.
All of can say is there is something going on behind closed doors, no one gives up on 30 yrs of marriage on a whim.
It's very rare we see both parents in the same room, it's no big deal we just visit them at different times.
My mum divorced my dad when I was 22 (I'm 31 tomoz), best thing she ever did, she's ten years younger and so much happier now.
I suppose I think the way to look at it is you can't force people to stay together if it makes them unhappy, you only live once and sometimes you have to do what's right for you (in his mum's case) but it is sad a family is breaking.

 

[jessmke]

Sorry if this comes off as harsh, but I don't think they are being the selfish ones in this situation. I would never expect someone to stay in an unhappy marriage just because I am having a baby. There is never a good time to separate, and it will be hard on the family no matter when it happens. Sorry you are having to deal with this stress at an already emotional time in your life, but other people's life decisions can't be made based around the birth of your child.

My parent's divorced when I was in my early 20's, my dad wanted to try to work on things but my mom just wanted out. I have no idea what happened behind closed doors because outwardly my parents always seemed fine, but without knowing what happened and why my mom was unhappy I couldn't fault her for not wanting to try to work on things. It was their lives and their decisions, and although it affected me, it was really none of my business to know the sordid details or to even expect an explanation.

 

[DannaD]

I don't want to sound mean, but this isn't about you though. It isn't even about your husband. I'm sure she had time to think this through. You never know what really goes on in a marriage, you can't say she is being selfish. The selfish thing would be to expect her to stay in an unhappy marriage so you can enjoy the end of your pregnancy more.

 

[jlw617]

I'm sorry you're feeling this way but I tend to agree with the other posters based on principle although I think that it's sad they're divorcing, I feel like people throw away marriages too easy these days but that's beside the point and we don't always know what's going on behind closed doors...btw both I and dh come from divorced homes as well, it's not always convenient having 3 grandmothers and 3 grandfathers but then again, it's really not about me.

 

[stormcloud96]

I'm sure since it is quite the shock at the moment it might seem like too much. The shock will pass, and if they both agree to go ahead with the divorce than yes this time will be the hardest, but it will pass. Everything will work out. My parents got divorced when I was a teenager, and while I didn't have a baby yes splitting holidays was hard, especially when I had a significant other to also do holidays with his family. Still you find what works. Don't worry yourself about it too much, just do what's right for your family. Support your husband the best you can. Just as with a child, try not to do the blame/fault thing and just remain open and understanding and try not to talk bad about one parent or the other, sure allow him or them to vent, just try not to take sides.
It sounds like his mother is really happy. This must have been a long time coming for her from what you said. Like a huge relief, or weight has been lifted for her. If you can give her a chance try to chat one on one, even share with her your concerns. It might go better than expected.
At the very least it sounds like despite what they have going they still want to be a part of their grandchild's life which is so important.

 

[jlw617]

I'm sure since it is quite the shock at the moment it might seem like too much. The shock will pass, and if they both agree to go ahead with the divorce than yes this time will be the hardest, but it will pass. Everything will work out. My parents got divorced when I was a teenager, and while I didn't have a baby yes splitting holidays was hard, especially when I had a significant other to also do holidays with his family. Still you find what works. Don't worry yourself about it too much, just do what's right for your family. Support your husband the best you can. Just as with a child, try not to do the blame/fault thing and just remain open and understanding and try not to talk bad about one parent or the other, sure allow him or them to vent, just try not to take sides.
It sounds like his mother is really happy. This must have been a long time coming for her from what you said. Like a huge relief, or weight has been lifted for her. If you can give her a chance try to chat one on one, even share with her your concerns. It might go better than expected.
At the very least it sounds like despite what they have going they still want to be a part of their grandchild's life which is so important.

Great advice!