I'm afraid my mom is going to get pregnant again!

[hello_kitty]

Sorry guys I really dont know where to post this but just wanted to vent a little. My mom is 40 years old and has 6 children and 1 miscarriage when she was younger. In 2010, she accidentally got pregnant with my sis who is 8 months at the moment. The issues caused some chaos among us siblings especially the sister below me who is 5 years younger than me because she knows she will play a big role in taking care of the baby. My mom said this will be her last since its an accident and we came to accept it. A few months after my mom gave birth, she did attempt to insert the IUD but due to bleeding, she asked to take it out. The doctor said her bleeding is not due to the IUD and put her on meds to see if it will stop the bleeding. Her pap smear turned out abnormal, the doctor said her cells are abnormal. To cut the story short, my mom refuses to use any protection right now, expect the withdrawal method. My grandma opposed to the idea of having a tubal ligation. I'm just afraid that she will end up pregnant again. The age gap between my youngest sister and me (the oldest) is 21, and the age gap between her and my youngest brother is 8. I cant picture her having another baby! Ever since she gave birth to my sis, her health has definitely gotten worse. I did talk to her about this, but I'm just afraid that she's gonna have another "accident". I also feel sorry for my other siblings especially my 17 year old sister because whenever she goes out people give her crazy looks and thinks she's a teen mom. Also, my sister has to take care of my young sis most of the time since my mom is always busy.

Due to her age and the number of children she has plus her decreasing health, I really hope she will have some self control. I really dont want her to have another kid at age 50.

Thanks to those who read my vent

 

[hercules]

Wow that's a tough situation. I hope your mom listens to her body and doesn't conceive again if that's not what's best for her, or the family. Is there any way to have a conversation with her and her significant other? Do other family members talk to your mom about their feelings? I hope everything works out for the best for you all!

 

[hello_kitty]

Wow that's a tough situation. I hope your mom listens to her body and doesn't conceive again if that's not what's best for her, or the family. Is there any way to have a conversation with her and her significant other? Do other family members talk to your mom about their feelings? I hope everything works out for the best for you all!

Hi hercules,
Thanks for responding. A lot of people on both my stepdad's side and my mom's side were shocked when she got pregnant with my sis. To be honest, they are not financially secured, only enough to get by at one point, my sis almost ran out of formula and they didnt have any money to buy her more. I seriously dont understand why she got pregnant in the first place but whats done is done. My mom kinda have the Adam/Eve approach I guess. They believe having children is a natural thing and letting nature takes its course but this is the 21st century, everything revolves around money. I dont want her to end up with a dozen kids and dont have food for them to it. With her mindset, I'm afraid she's going to end up going down that route. I really, really hope she listens to her body as you said. If I were in her situation, I would try my best to prevent myself from getting pregnant, she can at least get the depo shot.

 

[Jo.t]

Hi - I am 37 & TTC my 7th.

I dont think 40 is too old to have a baby

 

[dizzy65]

 

[Feisty Fidget]

Hi - I am 37 & TTC my 7th.

I dont think 40 is too old to have a baby

I don't think Kitty means that her Mum shouldn't have any more children because she is 40 but rather that her health, financial situation and lack of parenting skills dictate she shouldn't.

I suggest speaking to her directly about her health. If you mention finances or the fact that your younger sister has to take an active role in parenting she may feel that you are belittling her and either shut down, argue or maybe even go for it to prove you wrong If however you tell her you are worried that having another baby right now could worsen her health and that you are worried for her and don't want to see her come to harm etc she may be more willing to listen. I hope it gets sorted

 

[hercules]

Hi - I am 37 & TTC my 7th.

I dont think 40 is too old to have a baby

I don't think Kitty means that her Mum shouldn't have any more children because she is 40 but rather that her health, financial situation and lack of parenting skills dictate she shouldn't.

I suggest speaking to her directly about her health. If you mention finances or the fact that your younger sister has to take an active role in parenting she may feel that you are belittling her and either shut down, argue or maybe even go for it to prove you wrong If however you tell her you are worried that having another baby right now could worsen her health and that you are worried for her and don't want to see her come to harm etc she may be more willing to listen. I hope it gets sorted

I agree this is a good approach. It will make her less defensive and more open to listening. I think it's fair to be concerned about her bringing children into the world when it could be hazardous. You're a good daughter for being concerned!

 

[hello_kitty]

Thanks guys,
I actually used that approach this morning but now I'm just worried whether she will actually listen or not. My mom is the type who will do silly things on a whim and later call them "accidents". Although I'm mostly concerned for her health and financial situation, I actually have a selfish side too. I dont want her to have another baby a few years from now and have my child/children be older than their aunt/nephew. When hubby and planned our wedding, my mom was gushing about how we should start having kids soon after marriage and how much she wanted to be a grandma. I was actually excited myself...until I found out she got pregnant 2 months before my wedding. I actually got jealous although I wasnt even ttc yet. I seem selfish dont I?

 

[Feisty Fidget]

No I don't think your being selfish. After struggling to conceive for 2 years it breaks my heart every time someone announces they are pregnant especially if I know there is a reason that they may not be such great parents (drugs, police situations etc) x

 

[hello_kitty]

No I don't think your being selfish. After struggling to conceive for 2 years it breaks my heart every time someone announces they are pregnant especially if I know there is a reason that they may not be such great parents (drugs, police situations etc) x

Its funny how some people can easily have "accidents". Seems like my mom never had problems with ttc they just keep popping out, now its a matter of her controlling it because at this rate she can easily have a dozen or more children with her "accidents". Last month when I miscarried, I was so sad that I couldnt even bear looking at my lil sister and every time my mom gushed about her, I felt like she was rubbing it in (seriously, I was a mess) she told me. I really didnt understand why a 40 year old women could conceive right away and had an easy pregnancy while I, a 22 year old women had to end up losing my baby. Sometimes when I look at my sister I feel a little sad because I keep thinking, that should be my baby.

 

[Feisty Fidget]

I promise you it does get easier but it never leaves you completely A year on and I manage to get through weeks and weeks without breaking down but then it will hit me from no-where and I will crumble

My husband tells me constantly that the world isn't a fair place and it will be easier for me if I just accept this, sadly he's right.

 

[Leinzlove]

I'm the oldest of 10, there is an age gap of 17 years between oldest and youngest.

 

[Feisty Fidget]

My Nan had 9 and my Mother is the youngest with a 20 year age gap, she was made an auntie at 4.