I'm driving myself mad thinking I have hope :0(

[Pippin]

I'm driving myself mad thinking I have hope I know the baby has stopped developing, I'm nearly 9 weeks. My scan at 7+2 showed baby was 6+1 (5mm) no hb, bled 7+4 sudden gush (no more since) with two clots of 5p sized. Scan at epu 7+6, baby still had no hb and measure 6 weeks (3mm, 2mm less than weekend before ) I know my baby isn't viable but my head keeps saying I have hope at my final scan on Wednesday at 9 weeks but it's stupid I KNOW I don't have hope. They are only doing it to confirm AHHHHHHHHHHHHH and decide options.

Please can you all tell me I have no hope so I can move on (or at least get to Wednesday when I can finally book the D&C)......

 

[lynne192]

hun i felt the same way during my ectopic i kept thinking they were wrong things would change baby would be fine it wasn't meant to be that way. our baby went to heaven in feb and been TTC since been TTC 3.5years almost and its gutting that any of us need to go through this

 

[Pippin]

So sorry about your loss, hope it happens soon for you I'm normally such a realistic person but nothing has messed with my mind like this before. Grrrrr

 

[Lucky4]

It is normal to still hope until the very end. I think it is the minds way of protecting itself until there is really no other thing to do but accept the loss. On Tuesday I knew from my hcg level that I would miscarry but a ridiculous part of me hoped the level would double. On Thursday the mw told me I would miscarry but I thought maybe the lab technician had typed the hcg result incorrectly on the result. Only yesterday when I actually passed the sac did I really believe it. I think our minds are trying to let us down gently, maybe it helps a bit to hope. I am sorry you have to wait so long to get closure. My last mc, I had to wait 2 weeks and it was really awful. After the second scan, the fetus had grown a tiny bit and the me said to wait another week for the one in a million chance things were ok. That is enough to hang on to , even though I really knew it was over( I am a doctor and should know there was no chance). Maybe you need that tiny hope to keep you going until all hope is gone. Really hope you are ok.

 

[lynne192]

plus its one of the stages of grief.

 

[Blondie007]

I felt the same way too when they told me I would miscarry. I convinced myself they were wrong and that I was one of those people who would prove the medical team wrong. I think it is a natural self preservation thing.

Hope it all goes as well as it can do for you x

 

[SidneyGirl]

I am having a really hard time letting it go as well, I just have it stuck in my head that it is not the end and cannot seem to move on. I started to bleed last Sunday night and it has stopped as of yesterday, I had no pain. But my HCG levels were at a 0-1 week level last Monday when they should have been around a 5 week level, I never did test them again. But I took a HPT test on Friday and still had a faint line and a positive OPK test and I think that is what keeps it going in my mind. I think Monday when I go to work I will ask to have my blood done again so I can see for myself what the actual numbers are now. I work in a Health Clinic so it is very easy access for me. Maybe if I just see those numbers I can move on and get it out of my head.

 

[Pippin]

They didn't even offer me bloods. I think if I could see the number stall or dip then I might believe it more. I understand your testing though. I just did one in the hope I'd see it was faint but it's not my body continues to believe the baby is growing. MMC is my worst nightmare and it's happening

Roll on Wednesday when I get the final confirmation I need to move on. What a wait.......

 

[hippylittlej]

It is hard and painful to think you have lost your baby. I was lucky in some respects the day I has the scan that confirmed no heartbeat was the start of me MC and I passed the baby overnight. I can only imagine how hard it is holding on to hope that something may change.

I've heard so many stories that I really think that having hope it perfectly understandable and not entirely without merit. I wish you luck and if it is bad news hope that you manage to get through this heartbreaking process.

 

[tj1980]

hi.
For me it's my husband driving me mad thinking we have hope. I know my body-been bleeding a week and now it's sort of stopping. Been passing clots all week. I dont feel pregnant-with our son i had sore boobs, had metalic taste in my mouth and dont have any of that now. We've got a scan tmw to make sure everything has passed and i've told him that that will be confirmation of the end. I just makes me so sad that he's still hanging onto a little bit of hope esp when i've come to terms with it.

Sorry for the rant x

 

[Pippin]

Just wish I would start bleeding then I really would believe it like you do, I have to wait until Wednesday . My husband is opposite to yours and it's a done deal in his head. *sigh* such a long drawn out process, we could travel round the world about 10 times in this wait. Good luck tomorrow hon. Hope you get the closure you need. xxxx

 

[tj1980]

cheers. It's just crap isn't it? My son is two next weekend and i had no probs with him and assumed i wouldn't this time either. How wrong was i! Just need to put this all behind me now x

 

[Pippin]

Me too. I didn't have a problem with Sam so this one just wasn't meant to be and something was wrong. I do feel positive for another successful pregnancy and all my worries about getting pregnant in the first place is less than it was. I always assumed we'd have trouble as I'm overweight and husband is a lot older and we have other issues. I know they say it's something 'not' to say but I'm pleased we can actually get pregnant, if you know what I mean. x