I'm gonna have to do this alone. But how?

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - First Trimester' started by lulasmummy, Jun 13, 2013.

  1. lulasmummy

    lulasmummy mummy to two princesses

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    I've had enough. I'm with such a selfish person, we were very close to splitting before I found out I was pregnant, hence why it was a shock and hard to get my head around. So we decided to give it another go. To be honest my heart isn't in it but I'm trapped. This is our 3rd baby and I have no life. I go to work, come home, take care of kids. He never ever takes the kids out. I was just getting a bit if freedom back. Just. And I'm back to square one.
    Today is my brother and stepdads birthday. I asked him to have my youngest for an hour so I could go to the meal, without having to sort her out, basically to relax, and have some time with my family. Don't get me wrong, usually id take her but the last few days she's been having really bad terrible two episodes :dohh:
    Anyways he said no. And I didn't go. And he speaks to me like crap. My morning sickness is awful I've been off work the past few days and he still makes me do the school run even though I'm really poorly. Sorry about the rant I'm just afraid I'm doing the wrong thing, or I should try and do it alone. Yep it'll be hard, but what can I do? I'm so down I can't even think straight. I've tried talking to him but it doesn't work.
     
  2. youngmamttc

    youngmamttc My family is complete

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    Im sorry to be blunt but he sounds awful hun! It sounds like your already doing it all alone anyways. It wouldnt be good to stay in a relationship you don't feel happy in. If you feel you could go it alone then personally if i was you i would. I hope whatever decision you come to makes you very happy hun.
     
  3. lulasmummy

    lulasmummy mummy to two princesses

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    Thank you so much
     
  4. lomelly

    lomelly Well-Known Member

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    I would go it alone also. When your kids get older they will see your unhappy relationship, and it affects kids in ways you don't think about (it affected me--my parents split when I was younger and were honestly better off apart). What's the point of being a single parent in a marriage?? I hope you do what's right for you :flower: think long and hard on it.
     
  5. CharCharxxx

    CharCharxxx Well-Known Member

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    So sorry you are having to go through this? He does sound so awful and that's what you need,, really what are you even losing? It may be tough at times but I'm sure you will be strong enough to get through without him! Xxx
     
  6. BadMamaJAMA

    BadMamaJAMA Well-Known Member

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    Go with your heart. You love your children; that's obvious. You don't seem to be so attached to him, and with good reason.

    It is hard. However, in some ways (from my tangential experience as a stepmom) it seems to be better.

    1) You don't have to stay in an unhappy relationship

    2) His days with the kids give you time for you

    3) Your time with the kids is actually quality time, just you and them

    Lots of support. You're doing the right thing just talking about it.
     
  7. Dingo1985

    Dingo1985 Pregnant - 1st Trimester

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    Do you think he could change and be more supportive? If not, what will you actually lose? If you leave him I'm sure your family will be able to offer you more support and, what's more, he'll have to have the kids for visits and he might get an insight into how tough it is looking after them.

    I know your hormones are crazy right now so don't make a rash decision. I suggest you say that you're leaving for a few days to stay with family and you don't want to hear from him. Have a few days to think - get your family to look after the kids - and then go and speak to him about how you feel and how you think you should move forward.
     
  8. lulasmummy

    lulasmummy mummy to two princesses

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    Thank you all for the support it means a lot.
    My kids are my world, and another is a blessing I think we all have points especially in pregnancy, when we feel vulnerable. I have to be strong, and I know the first few weeks, months etc will be hard but I've got these amazing little people.
    He actually will not leave, like I have no control over my own home or life. I'm gonna have a long hard think about everything.
    I don't really have support from family but ill have to get by somehow. I can have the conversation that we have time and time again but it's not going to change, no matter if we have 10 kids. He's always let me down at crucial times in my life and I carry on, hoping. I need to follow my heart and stick by what I was doing before I found out I was pregnant. I think?!
     
  9. Dingo1985

    Dingo1985 Pregnant - 1st Trimester

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    I think if you were planning to leave him before you found out you were pregnant then go for it. You seem to know it's the right thing.

    What do you mean he won't leave?

    Can you get away for a few days and have some space to think things through and also show him what the alternative is? Though if you don't think he can change maybe it'll just be a chance for you to think through your plans.
     
  10. lulasmummy

    lulasmummy mummy to two princesses

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    It will be hard to get away really, what with work and the kids. I'm just going to have a long bath and early night. Just time on my own. Xx
     
  11. Dingo1985

    Dingo1985 Pregnant - 1st Trimester

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    Sounds like a good plan - perhaps you should also let him know what you're thinking? Is it maybe worth giving him another chance or do you think it's pointless? x
     
  12. Kandidancer

    Kandidancer Well-Known Member

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    I agree with the girls, if you were planning on leaving him do it. Or even trial it for a couple of weeks. You don't need stress and crap at any stage especially when pregnant.

    He may need this to give him a huge kick up the a**e, and see what he would be missing. Also the time away from him may do you the world of good.

    Good luck and I hope all goes well for you. :hugs::hugs:Xx
     
  13. Louise88

    Louise88 Dd- ciara and ds- James

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    I'm so sorry Hun I completely understanding everything you've wrote things aren't great with me and my oh either and I feel our relationship is coming to an end aswell :( tbh I'd have ended it by now now if I hadn't found out I was expecting baby number 2. I'm sure you'll be just fine on your own try and arrange it so he has the children 1 day/night a week so you can have you time. So sorry your going through this :hugs:
     
  14. lulasmummy

    lulasmummy mummy to two princesses

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    Thanks again for everyone's support :flower:
    I've tried and tried to make it work. He's just come in, saying how sorry he is, he'll change etc...
    I dunno. I can't think straight right now, I don't know what to do. It's so hard being pregnant, cus otherwise I wouldn't consider staying.
     
  15. AndiLou74

    AndiLou74 Well-Known Member

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    You will be OK hun, first you have to believe that.

    I am into my 3rd pregnancy and I am doing this alone too. The father to this baby was an absolute pig. He was the worst control freak imaginable to the point where I was terrified to open my mouth and even speak. Everything I did or said was wrong and every opinion I had he would shout down and make me feel like crap. The man was an utter tyrant and a complete fat, smelly, ugly complete utter waste of space. God the dirty pig didnt even shower for 5 weeks but I dared not speak out. Anyway, to cut a very long story short when i was 9 weeks pregnant I got rid of him and he has now gone back to where he came from. He does not work, he spends all his money on tobacco and expects the world to bail him out so I know for a fact I will not get any child support from him either.

    I am having to do this entirely on my own, luckily I have two older daughters who will help out a bit. I hardly have any friends and my family arent that interested either but I know and believe we will manage and get by. I believe everything happens for a reason and this baby has come into my life for a reason. I know we will be OK

    Please dont stay with a man if you are so unhappy. You are worth much more as a person and you dont need a bloke bringing you down. Now is a time to look after your health and well being and someone who disrespects you, get them out of the equasion.

    Good luck to you. You can do it and we are all here to support you too. If you ever need a chat you can always pm me xx
     
  16. lulasmummy

    lulasmummy mummy to two princesses

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    Wow, you are amazing! You really are strong :) thanks so much it's really helping being on here and not feeling so alone. It's so sad how men just don't appreciate these little amazing beings that we are creating.
    I feel quite strong today too. Just thankful for my kids and the support I'm getting :flower:
     
  17. Bonnie11

    Bonnie11 Where's the Stork?

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    I'm sorry you are having to go through this. It must be really hard but I think if you were already set on leaving, and you said if it wasn't for te baby you would be gone, then you should leave.
    I grew up with 2 parents that hates each other, always arguing and even if they weren't then I could tell they were both unhappy. Trust me the kids will notice even if you think they don't. My parents finally split when I was 12 and I wasn't even upset, I was happy we were out of that situation! Both of them were so much happier and I got to spend time with them individually which was a much nicer experience than being with them both when they clearly weren't happy.

    Having a baby is not a reason to stay together, yes it will be hard initially but in the long run you really will be happier. All you will need to worry about is just then and you, not have a horrible relationship hanging over your head and ruining the pleasure you do have.
    Whatever you do it's your decision, good luck xxx
     
  18. deafgal

    deafgal Guest

    You already have children. You do not need an adult child in your life. Make it clear that either he straightened up or leave.
     
  19. deafgal

    deafgal Guest

    I never tried it but I wonder if the police will get him to leave since you have kids. Men can be jerks and it seem they can get away with a lot of things and we are stuck trying to find place to leave with the kids ...leaving their bed and toys behind.
     
  20. kell

    kell Well-Known Member

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    Honey if you are unhappy and he isn't respecting you then I agree, you should leave and focus on you and your children. I've been in the same place, it really doesn't work staying together for the children. As OP said, children suffer more when their parents are unhappy together. My kids have been stuck in the middle before and I regret that so much. I'm doing this pregnancy on my own too and although I'm scares at times and it does get lonely, I have my kids, family and friends. I know we'll be fine and so will you :)

    Be strong and if you need to talk or rant, feel free to inbox me.

    Kell x
     

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