im not sure if what im feeling is normal

[imsoupset]

Hello

so I'm new to this forum so apologies if i make a mess of this post.

anyway so let me start at the very beginning and hopefully you dont get too bored reading this!

so me and my partner have talked about having a baby, however, we decided now wasn't the right time as when I met him he was living with his brother and now that's my home too but we are going to get a place of our own for the 2 of us and then we can get on with baby making!

anyway just over a week ago he took me out for dinner and as the sun was shining (doesnt happen very often) we went for a little walk. then we went back home and as we had the place to ourselves, well you can probably guess. Anyway we got very carried away and ended up having unprotected sex. afterwards we did think we shouldnt have done that but it was too late then so we talked about what to do. We had decided to just see what happens as although now isn't the right time we still want babies and thought, well if this was the only time we can have them then we'd rather have one now than not at all if that makes any sense.

anyway i'd worked out that the chances are i wasn't pregnant as i was almost sure i was a week passed ovulation. i still thought there may be a chance as last month I had been stressed and so was late with my period and thought that that may have made things late this month. anyway all last week i had been gettin headaches, was tired, feeling sick, backache. i thought to myself do not think you are pregnant because these could all be symtoms of my period coming and also stress as I have been stressed as well and i didnt want to be thinking about pregnancy to just disappoint myself if it didnt come true.

it was hard because a colleague at work has a daughter who has just given birth so I'm constantly listening to baby talk, its my nephew's 2nd birthday this month so i've been out shopping for a present and had to go in all the shops where people are taking their babies. its been hard to avoid!

on saturday which is around the same time my period is due, i went to the toilet (apologies if this is goin to be tmi) and there was pinky/creamy stuff. ive never had this before an couldnt help thinking maybe just maybe i was pregnant after all, at the same time i was tryin not to get too excited as i thought there's still a chance it could be my period. so i texted my partner who was at work and said i would keep him updated but i didnt think i was pregnant.

then the next couple of days it was more brown and period like so i thought well im definitely not pregnant. but it wasn't as heavy as normal and got it into my head that there still maybe a chance and that it could be this implantation bleeding ive read about on internet.

anyway today i realised theres not a chance that i am pregnant as it is really heavy and back to its normal self, what a

so the last couple of days have been really emotional, ive been crying so much, i had to go to the toilet today in work so i wasnt sat at my desk crying in front of everyone. my partner has been the sweetest and has promised me a big hug when he finishes work tonight! i just feel as though i shouldnt be so disappointed as we never planned to have a baby yet anyway so surely i should be happy and relieved. but im not im so unhappy, do you think this is normal that i am feeling this sad?

i just hope this feeling doesnt last long as its really horrible and ive never felt such sadness before! and now im wondering what we should do, should we still wait for a baby or is my body sayin now is the right time? i just feel lucky that my partner can cope with me when im being this emotional and he's being so supportive of me which is great but i just wich i wasnt crying so much!

anyway any advice anyone can give would be most appreciative and as this is my first post i really hope it makes sense.

 

[Pinkgirl]

Hello and welcome to bnb,

I can imagine its been a bit of a rollercoaster ride for you the last week or so then hun. From what you have written i can see you really want to be a mum but perhaps now is not the right time??? You are bound to feel the way you feel hun as its something you want, so let it out and have a rant rather than bottle it up inside.

Maybe think about how this is a positive thing in that you have more time for you and OH to get your own place or to save more money. Speak to you OH about when you both think its the right time to TTC, you might not have to wait long and can gets lots of thins ready before hand.

Chin up hun xx

 

[imsoupset]

Thanks Pinkgirl,

I know you are right and I should look at the positive and that at least now it gives us time to get a new place and everything set up in time for a new arrival. Its just so disappointing when its something we both want and I tried not to think about it as I knew I might be disappointed but it was hard work. Hopefully my OH will give me lots of hugs and kisses while i'm feeling so down. and hopefully it wont be too long before we can ttc!

 

[Pinkgirl]

Hun, was just giving advise not saying i am right. I would be feeling exactly like the same if i was in your situation hun. You will have to start a WTT journal.
Hope its not long till your TTC x

 

[Cinnamon]

Hello darling, I see you've had a rough time with your body giving you opposite signals and so on. It's totally normal to feel sad, even so sad, because it's something you want and although now may not be the best moment, you probably had a subconcious think and thought, come what may I'll deal with it! This brings you to the emotional part when it didn't turn up as what you started feeling it would be. Anyhow, I think it's a great idea you set a date for TTC and you'll find it feels like your much more in control of what you're doing and also gets your mind aroud the idea. It has worked that way for me as I felt really upset about having to add time to my TTC date and once I got my ticker I found it easier to focus on the date I know consider. Good luck hun, xxx

 

[imsoupset]

thanks for all the advice.

yes i think me and the OH will sit down and try and work out when we can TTC so at least it will give me something to look forward to. and fingers crossed it wont be too long as we already have money saved up to get our own place together, its just finding somewhere. so i think we will sit down and talk about when the ideal time would be and just look forward to that time. we both have friday off work so are goin to do something nice together to help cheer me up, and also cheer OH up too as he's been down from seeing me so down.

 

[Ella]

Hey, just wanted to say welcome to BnB

I went through a pregnancy scare recently and though I was so scared, I was also kinda excited about maybe being pregnant, as was my OH. When I got my period, I was so relieved but also really quite disappointed, but now I think about it, I'm glad as I don't have a job and OH and I still live at home so when we've got ourselves sorted we can TTC to our hearts' content!

Hope your stay in WTT isn't too long.
xx

 

[Berniep]

Hi,
I just wanted to say welcome to B and B and that i'm hoping you feel better today, i wish you lots of luck when you decide the time is right to start ttc and hope you are sucessful very quickly x

 

[Winter Belle]

Hi hun,

sorry to hear of your ordeal.. I have done this before and wound myself up over symptoms to the point i was so certain that I was pregnant... although I felt apprehensive I was so excited and even started looking at due dates and pregnancy tickers (how stupid am I? ) So turned up and I became an emotional wreck.. really laid the hormones on thick that month! In the end i distracted myself with other things... i think that is actually the main reason OH and I finally booked our wedding so i had something to concetrate on loL!

i guess I'm saying it is absolutely normal to feel sad about it... Just have a baby chat with your oh and see when and where a baby will fit in to it. You may find that it is sooner than you think or you might realise some other things that you want to do first and you can start planning those now and count down to ttc.

feel better soon hun.. put your feet up with a bar of chocolate and watch a good movie

xxx

 

[imsoupset]

thank for all the comments and support! im in a much better frame of mind now! although it still hurts to think about it, this morning i managed to look at pictures of my colleagues new grandson whithout getting too upset!

so me and my OH are goin to talk about it and when the time would be right to ttc and hopefully it wont be as far away as i thought it would be! the main thing we want is our own place first! which we have enough money saved for a deposit its just finding somewhere so hopefully we will find something. as for getting married, we do want to get married but we said we don't mind if we get married before or after we have a baby. in one sense i would like to do things the old fashioned way and get married first but its not too important to me! if i do things the other way round i will be following in my sisters footsteps, she did things in the complete opposite way round. she didnt want to get married or have kids but then decided she did want kids so they had a baby. then she thought she would like to get married, but they didnt even get engaged, they just went away abroad with their son and got married and then after they were married she got an engagement ring! so it was totally the opposite order!

so anyway im feeling much happier now and looking forward to the future and baby planning when the time is right!

thanks again for all your kind words and advice.