I'm really angry at a nurse who 'helped' deliver Joseph

[Jody R]

I've started telling Joseph a little story about when he was born and he really likes it, he can even tell it back to me now (in his fashion).

I say "It was eight o clock in the morning and Mummy's water went swoosh, so Daddy took her to the hospital and Mummy said aw aw aw and the nurses said push push push and Mummy said aw aw and the nurses said push push and then the doctor came in and said POP! And there you were!"

Joseph tells it back to me as I am saying it with all the swoosh-aw-push-pop words and the final "there you were." It's very cute.

Tonight my mum heard me telling it to him and that got us talking about everything that happened on the night he was born and she has told me something I didn't know and it's made me really angry.

His was quite a difficult birth, my waters broke at 8am on Monday and Joseph was finally born at 2:02am on Tuesday and then only because a doctor finally came and gave me an episiotomy. By that time I was away with the fairies and so I don't remember much about it.

What I do remember is one of the nurses getting a bit funny with me and telling me that I had to push harder because I "wasn't helping my baby" and that my baby was getting distressed because I wasn't pushing hard enough. By this point I was exhausted and slipping in and out of a daze where I wasn't aware of what was going on.

She really upset me because I felt like she was saying that if Joseph died during his birth it would be my fault. I mean, they did all know we had lost two babies so she should have known I was trying my best to help get Joseph out. I honestly couldn't feel anything except pain, you know how you can feel the muscles when you push, well I couldn't feel them anymore, I had no idea if I was pushing or not.

Anyway I do remember that but what I didn't know is that this same nurse was horrible to my mum after Joseph was finally born. He was very squashed and probably dazed himself and he wasn't crying.

So my mum asked if he was alright and this nurse said "Well, obviously, he's pink isn't he!?" in a really nasty tone.

I can't believe she would be so nasty when she knew what we had been through before and I am furious now that she got away with saying that to us. I want to go back in time and slap her! I know it's almost two years ago but still, I'm angry about it now I know about it.

 

[Tsia]

she was probably stressed too hun.. but agreed, she shouldnt have been so rude and abrupt!

 

[Jody R]

Probably she was stressed, but she was only there for the last hour. I admit that was the worst hour though.

But her stress wasn't anything like ours so I'm still quite narked at her for upsetting my mum especially because I didn't know about it at the time.

 

[nikkip75]

Thats absolutely awful! no matter how stressed she was she shouldnt speak to people like that knowing what you had been through. And if she gets stressed out after an hours labour then shes not really cut out to be a midwife!

I get really upset and angry about things that i find out have happened in the past and it makes it worse that you cant go back and do something about it

 

[Char.due.jan]

 

[alio]

 

[amie-leigh]

hun im still annoyed by one of the midwives comments to my OH (they were talking about forceps and my OH said she really doesnt want them and the MW said well in that case you better say goodbye just now, i had forceps in the end but the mw made it sound like i was going to die)

 

[bathbabe]

After what youve been thru that was the STUPIDEST respose ever to give!

 

[booflebump]

I know the 'you have to get this baby out' line is standard for babies who are in distress just to get the mums to find that last little bit of strength to push

But in your situation, completely inappropriate and doesn't excuse the rest of what she said xxx

 

[jennie_78]

What a horrible thing for her to say, especially after what you've been through.

 

[JessdueJan]

I got the 'your not helping your baby, you have to get him out'. type quotes and wasn't amused by them but after what you've been through they really should be more understanding and saying that to your mum was very uncalled for

 

[princess_bump]

xx

 

[FayDanielle]

Its disgusting some of the things they say to you


My midwife said it looks like its going to be forceps or ventuose delivery here, and I said, Im happy with ventuose but please not the forceps and she just looked at me and said 'Thats fine, its you thats risking your babies life, not me!'

Great lot of encouragment that is love, thanks!
x

 

[TattiesMum]

I'm still really angry about Tattie's midwives ... they had her panting through 3 hours of 2nd stage labour, when she wanted to push, because they wouldn't do an internal until it was 'scheduled'

Oddly enough Kaylum came on his own ... when they were still insisting that she couldn't push because she wasn't fully dilated even though they still hadn't checked .... Oh - and they had her on her side and kept panicking her by saying that they couldn't hear his heartbeat - of course they damn well couldn't ... he was already coming down the birth canal

I TOLD them she was in 2nd stage and that my own labours, my sister's labours and our mothers had all been really quick and they just ignored me and were really quite rude

 

[Jody R]

Thank you everyone.

It's shocking how many people here have similar stories and comments made by people who should know better.

If I had been aware of the forceps they would have worried me too. By the time I knew they wanted to use them they already had and Joseph was born.

But again, he was covered in marks and bruises from them and nobody warned us that he could and would develope jaundice because of that delivery.

I stayed in hospital until Wednesday afternoon (Joseph was born at 2:02am Tuesday morning) and in the early hours of Wednesday I changed his nappy and noticed he was yellow. I rang for the nurse, who told me that the lights were off and so I couldn't possibly know what colour he was, so I made her switch them on (waking three other women on the ward) and he was yellow!

So after telling me he needed lots of natural daylight they kept us tucked away in the darkest corner, furthest from the window that we couldn't see anyway because the three other women all kept their curtains closed around their beds all day for privacy.

Just another reason we were desperate to come home, but still not as shocking as what some of those midwives have said to people here.

 

[Blah11]

I agree, inappropriate for you BUT I understand why they do it. Getting baby out in their #1 priority, not your feelings IYKWIM?

 

[Logan's Mum]

I agree, inappropriate for you BUT I understand why they do it. Getting baby out in their #1 priority, not your feelings IYKWIM?

I was just going to say that, but was plucking up the courage
Logans birth was not straightforward and could have ended up in a c-section, but in the end he was gotten out with forceps as he was facing his side. The doctor told me what was going to happen, and that it might end up in c-section, but I didnt care as long as Logan was out of there happy and healthy. And he was, I would not have changed anything about his birth What the midwives said may have seemed rude but they are thinking of the baby's health, Blah11 is right, your feelings dont come in to it and nor should they

 

[Kte]

I can't imagine any Mum who at that moment, doesn't want to get baby out either though! I got these saying after my LO had been stuck for hours, they just didn't think I was trying hard enough, I felt like I was branded lazy even though all I wanted was my baby out! I ended up in theatre with forceps and they apologised (to OH) afterwards when they realised just how stuck she was.

It's bad enought when your in that much stress when it is happening to have abrupt comments, I get at the early stages as things aren't progressing to urge you along but not in the last hour and the comment to your Mum was certainly uncalled for. It was interesting though as I was chatting to someone at work though recently at giving birth (as you do) and I think when your there in the moment, you just get on with it, its only in hindsight you think 'hang on' and then it's too late.

 

[Jody R]

I agree, inappropriate for you BUT I understand why they do it. Getting baby out in their #1 priority, not your feelings IYKWIM?

I do see what you mean, it was my priority too. But still, once he was out why be so rude? I think most people want to know their baby is okay and a simple "he's fine" would have been so much better than a nasty and sarcastic comment.

 

[Celesse]

I think the "omg, push, push PUSH PUUUUSSSH, your not pusing hard enough, ffs push" speech works well for some midwives and for some women. But some midwives just sound horrbile when they talk like this and instead of encouraging women they bully and scare them. And some women don't respond well to being talked to in this manner by a complete stranger.