I'm really worried what my parents are going to think.. I need advice.

[Jitter]

So as you know, I got my implant removed to start TTC, but I am very nervous of what my parent's are going to think. I'm 20 years old and my boyfriend is 21 and we have always been great with our relationship and we plan on getting married in the near future. However, my parents are a problem. My mother is extremely negative about so many things, she likes to mock people without realizing she is actually mocking people, my dad and I just don't get along at all, however. My boyfriend's parents are extremely supportive and kind. My parents are just rude and obnoxious, so I don't know how to tell them that I want to start a family, and I am afraid of getting pregnant to them being mean to me for doing so. What should I do and how should I deal with it? I can afford financially and I feel I'm physically ready and mentally to start a family. I am just scared and worried.

 

[TwilightAgain]

I wouldn't mention anything until you become pregnant - that way there is bugger all they can do about it. But i'd maybe announce the news by saying something really special has happened and you're excited for this new chapter in your lives and can't wait to see them with their grandchild and for them to share this journey with you. Sometimes if things are spoken about really positively it can shape the whole perspective from the outset.

Good luck

 

[Jitter]

I wouldn't mention anything until you become pregnant - that way there is bugger all they can do about it. But i'd maybe announce the news by saying something really special has happened and you're excited for this new chapter in your lives and can't wait to see them with their grandchild and for them to share this journey with you. Sometimes if things are spoken about really positively it can shape the whole perspective from the outset.

Good luck

Thank you so much for the answer Perhaps having a positive approach will be better than just saying "I'm pregnant!" I'm not even sure how long it's going to take me because I don't live with my boyfriend yet, and he's busy with his job so we can't try very often and it will be such a blessing when the moment does happen. I do hope my parents are understanding. My mother knows already that I would like to conceive within the next 2 years.

 

[RaspberryK]

I agree that I wouldn't tell them till you're pregnant either.
If you are planning on getting married... is there a reason you've decided to ttc first?
I know my parents would have had doubts if we hadn't made our relationship permanent bymarriage and presume that it might have been a whoops.
So I guess if you did pre warn them then at least they know it's planned.
Xx

 

[Pearls18]

Im assuming you're not living with them, in which case it's not their business and I would just wait until you've made your decision and have the result. Telling them you're WTT/TTC will more than likely panic them, if you don't value their advice, don't ask for it

 

[Jitter]

I agree that I wouldn't tell them till you're pregnant either.
If you are planning on getting married... is there a reason you've decided to ttc first?
I know my parents would have had doubts if we hadn't made our relationship permanent bymarriage and presume that it might have been a whoops.
So I guess if you did pre warn them then at least they know it's planned.
Xx

The reason we'd like to try before marriage is because we want our baby to be there on that special occasion just like my mother and father with my brother and I. It meant so much to them that I had flowers in my long brunette hair and a dress and to be their flower girl, and my brother to be in a cute little suit. I am also not religious so we don't believe in having children after marriage. But we do respect those that are religious. I have wanted to start my own family for as long as I can remember, and I knew I should wait until after I become an adult and that's what I have done and boy do I have baby fever! I would love to sit down with my mother and tell her but for some reason every calm conversation I have with her always turns into her raising her voice for no reason. I stay calm and tell her she's yelling and she sort of stops. I guess she doesn't realize she does that. She has Aspergers, so her social skills aren't that good, so it's sometimes hard to talk to my mum. Dad won't sit down with me even if I tried. He hardly even communicates with me. But yeah, I would prefer to wait until I am pregnant. But still, telling them will be probably the hardest part of the pregnancy other than giving birth.

 

[RaspberryK]

I wouldn't ttc before living with my partner... do you live at home with your parents?
Xx

 

[RaspberryK]

Ps. I'm not against having children without marriage, but I think if you are going to get married then you might as well do that first. If marriage is not something you're ever going to do then fine but there are legal benefits to having children in wedlock. That would out way any cute children in photos for me.
Xx

 

[lucy_smith]

I wouldn't worry about what your mum n dad think, who cares? It's about you and your partner starting a life together. Marriage may be important to some but not others, I would wait until your pregnant to tell your parents though and like a previous poster mentioned make it a positive thing!

The only thing I would say, which you and others may not agree with is that I would always live with my partner before having children. I know it spunds silly but living together is a huge step, you can get on and everything is perfect until you move in together and he doesn't help with housework or doesn't put the washing on or spends all day on video games etc. I would want to have living together and it all be good before throwing a baby into the mix

 

[RaspberryK]

The only thing I would say, which you and others may not agree with is that I would always live with my partner before having children. I know it spunds silly but living together is a huge step, you can get on and everything is perfect until you move in together and he doesn't help with housework or doesn't put the washing on or spends all day on video games etc. I would want to have living together and it all be good before throwing a baby into the mix

Exactly that xx

 

[TwilightAgain]

I definitely agree that you should wait until you're living together. My OH and I had a fabulous relationship and hardly ever argued for the first 2 years of our relationship, then last year we moved in together. Since then we have had so many arguments because it's a big change in getting used to each other and the little things that drive each other mad. We're starting to get used to it now and fallen into a routine and we're closer than ever but the first few months were really trying - we had a stressful year anyway but adding a new twist to the relationship was definitely tough and took a lot of patience and compromise. I wouldn't change it for the world but I can't imagine doing that with a baby.

 

[Jitter]

My wonderful partner lives in a house his parent's bought for him. He'll be there until his business gets a kickstart on the road and when that's settled, he'll buy us a house. I am at the stage where I need to kidnap his parents, sit down with them and Josh, and ask them about the possibilities of him and I living together. I think that's my first step. My partner lives in a massive house by himself, there is definitely enough room for me there He's all for it, he just has to ask his 'landlord' first.

 

[TwilightAgain]

If his parents bought him the house, surely his name will be on the deeds? Or are theirs too? Because if it truly is his house, he shouldn't really need anyones permission to have you move in.

 

[Eleanor ace]

Where do you live? Couldn't you move in with him and pay the rent you're paying for where you live now to his parents, I imagine that would make them feel a lot more favourable to you moving in with your OH! I would advise against TTC before you have lived together a while as others have suggested- living together and being jointly responsible for the running of a home is very different to just staying at each others houses. It will give you a much stronger foundation for parenthood if you've got used to living together and ironed out any creases there before you have a baby (when patience can be short and stress tends to get taken out on each other).
With regards to your parents, try not to worry too much about their reaction. There isn't much you can do to change how they will react, bar reassure them that you are emotionally and financially ready to support a child. If you lived with them or they were supporting you then obviously that would be different but you are an adult and the decission to have a child is yours and your OH's alone. They may be negative at first but don't let it ruin your TTC journey or pregnancy because they will come around and you will show that you're a good mother.

 

[Pearls18]

I think that's right it's your first step, it's polite you're asking his parents about moving first but surely at 21 if the house is his he's old enough to make the decision, but you know them not us, I think it's nice you're considering them and not just assuming you can TTC as there is a house waiting. I hope you don't feel jumped on but the reason I first enquired about your living situation was because if you do live at home then it's important your parents do know your intentions because it is their house if you want a baby there, but if one of your goals is to move out first you really shouldn't give two hoots nor need to pre warn them of your plans

 

[Jitter]

Well that's the thing, his name is on the house too. But I'd prefer speaking to his parents first since I have a cat and I need to work out if I'm allowed to have pets there. I also need to work out how much rent I'll be paying there I know we're old enough, but I still want to let his parents know our plans about living arrangements.

Alright everyone, I had the guts to speak to my mother as she's been pretty great these past few days. She said she'd obviously be a little bit upset as parents are at first, but reminded herself that we're adults and can work it out ourselves and make our own decisions and we can afford it. So my mother is aware that we want to TTC! At least I have her support. I've been thinking this through for a long while now. But my mum and I are pretty close even if she does yell without realizing sometimes.

You guys are right that we should see if we can get used to eachother living eachother before TTC.

EDIT: And sorry, Australia here

 

[Eleanor ace]

Great that she's OK about it- that will help you to enjoy TTC and being pregnant more I'm sure . And you're right, it is iportant to be respectful to your in-laws by asking their permission to move in