I'm sad

Discussion in 'Miscarriage Support' started by mugzy, Oct 20, 2008.

  1. mugzy

    mugzy Mummy to 2 beautiful boys

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    I lost my baby boy last Sunday after an emergency c-section at 28 weeks. He lived for 3 hours, but was too sick to make it :cry:. They said he had an intrauterine infection and had been struggling for a while. I don't understand how I missed the signs that something was wrong. I had a small fever blister (I always get them when I get sick) in my nose that I thought was from a minor cold I'd had a few days before, but it was probably a sign of the infection. I had so many braxton hicks contractions. Everything I read said that was normal as long as they weren't regular, painful or more than 4 an hour. I had pain in my bump, I thought it was because the baby was in a tranverse lie. But I should of got it checked, and maybe if I had he would have been ok :cry::cry:. I had seen my doctor 2 weeks before and everything was fine. I loved him so much, but I wasn't able to protect him and keep him safe. I should have been able to protect him.

    I'm really struggling today. One of the two most important people in my life has died, and I'm so scared that if it doesn't get easier I'm going to lose Dan too. He has been so wonderful and supportive, but I can't stop crying. And I'm so scared that soon it's going to be too much for him. He's grieving too, and it's going to be difficult for him to move past the pain with me constantly weeping. I don't know how to do this :cry:
     
  2. FEDup1981

    FEDup1981 Mam of two & two angels

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    Aww hun, i am soo sorry for ur loss.

    Give urself some time to grieve, it was only last sunday, so of course ur still crying, upset, shocked, and devastated. These things take time and you shouldnt rush urself to feel better, and ur OH will understand.
    I very much doubt that you could have done anything to prevent this, or recognised any signs, so dont beat urself up about it.
    The world is a cruel place and sometimes these things happen and nobody has any control.
    May ur lil angel RIP xxxx
     
  3. ellasmummy

    ellasmummy Well-Known Member

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    Im so sorry for your Loss :hugs:

    Dont blame yourself hun you are going to upset yourself even more thinking what ifs. Maybe it would help if you spoke to people that have been through the same thing. Its always better to talk about how you feel rather than bottling it up. I know a few ladies on here were saying SANDS is very useful. I hope you find the support and comfort you need to come through this. Although it may not seem like it now, things will get easier.

    Take Care :hugs:
     
  4. Alexas Mommy

    Alexas Mommy Well-Known Member

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    i dont know what to say, but i am very sorry to hear about your loss. :hug:
     
  5. Sambatiki

    Sambatiki Finally a Mummy!!

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    awww mugzy Im so so so sorry for your loss. Time is a great healer, but for now you need to let yourself and dan grieve.

    Thinking of you and OH at this very sad time :hug:
     
  6. NickyT75

    NickyT75 RIP Sophie my angel

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    Please dont beat yourself up over this sweetheart :hugs: there is nothing you could've done to prevent this.
    I agree with the poster who suggested joining SANDS as there are lots of people there who know how terrible you are feeling right now but have come out the other side of their grief & can offer you words of comfort and support.

    The anxiety you are feeling now about possibly losing Dan is perfectly normal - I had to stay in hospital for a week after losing Sophie & suffered the same feelings & had panic attacks whenever my husband Sean left me to go home :hugs:

    Speak to your doctor about these feelings hun coz you shouldn't have to experience these feelings on your own. do you have a bereavement midwife in your area?

    If you'd like to speak with me any more feel free to PM me anytime & I'll do my best to help you through this truly horrible time.

    I am so so sorry this has happened to you hun :hugs: xxx
     
  7. jacky24

    jacky24 Mom of 37w2d Angel

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    Don't let them say I wasn't born,
    That something stopped my heart,
    I felt each tender squeeze you gave,
    I've loved you from the start.


    Although my body you can't hold,
    It doesn't mean I'm gone.
    This world was worthy, not, of me,
    God chose that I move on.


    I know the pain that drowns your soul,
    What you are forced to face.
    You have my word, I'll fill your arms,
    Someday we will embrace.


    You'll hear that it was "meant to be,
    God doesn't make mistakes."
    But that won't soften your worst blow,
    Or make your heart not ache.


    I'm watching over all you do,
    another child you'll bear.
    Believe me when I say to you,
    That I am always there.


    Mugzy, you know me, you know were i come from... I am so so sorry for your loss of your son. Time will heal all wounds, if i can give you advice, find your healing and your strenght in each other... it will bring you and OH just closer to each other when you deal with the pain and sadness together.....:hug:
     
  8. applegirl

    applegirl mum of 1 and adopting

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    Mugzy honey - of course you are feeling so sad. You and Dan are going to go through do many emotions together. I am so sorry this has happened darling. Don't worry that you will lose Dan - you have to tell him what is in your heart and on your mind. And let him share too. This is your journey together. I'm so sorry this has happened honey. You have to give yourself time and space to feel and to grieve.
    With love and :hug: x
     
  9. Kevsgal

    Kevsgal Mother of one

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    I'm so sorry for your loss. There's nothing wrong with shedding a few or a few million tears when something terrible like this happens. Your OH will understand. Just make sure you give him plenty of cuddles and get lots back. :hugs:


    When the angel opened the book of life,
    She wrote your date of birth,
    Then sighing as she closed the book,
    Said, "Too beautiful for Earth"
     
  10. making a baby

    making a baby New Member

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    I am so sorry for your loss,I am new to this site,but I can only imagine how you feel,I had a miscarriage in april it was my first time ever being pregnant,I was pretty sad but I know it was not suppose to be,So I think I might be preg now,3 day count down! Basil temps staying up good sign! Just remember no matter what,in the end you will hold that baby again,and he/she will be waiting for you on the other side,If your like me thats not good enough you want it here,God holds that baby,don't be sad!
     
  11. Barneyboo

    Barneyboo Mummy of 2 beauty's

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    :hug: I am so very sorry for your loss, you and your OH are in my thoughts and prayers x x x x
     
  12. Sovereign

    Sovereign Well-Known Member

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    Oh hun im so sorry. Don't blame yourself it wasn't your fault. Give yourself time to grieve. I don't know what else to say except you and your family are in my thoughts. x
     
  13. JASMAK

    JASMAK Mom of three

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    Awww...hon. :hug: I am so sorry for your loss, and your pain. It does take time tho...and this isn't going to be easy, for you or your husband. Do you have access to a grief counsellor? They can give you ways to cope, and also discuss the grieving process, and how some people grieve differently. Please don't balme yourself. You know that if you did know there was something wrong with your son, you would have gone to get things checked. Hindsight is always 20/20. But, you DIDN'T know, how could you have? We ALL get braxton hicks when pregnant. There was NO WAY you could have known...please don't even go there. I can feel your pain in your words, and I wish that I could take your pain away. Your husband may be grieving in a different way, so don't assume that your tears are upsetting to him. Let yourself do what you need to do during this time, but be kind to yourself (no more blame) and your husband...lean on each other. Big :hug:
     
  14. tillymum

    tillymum New mom

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    I'm so sorry for your loss, you will get through this with your OH, I know it's a cliche but time is a great healer, while you will never forget your baby, you will carry him next to your heart forever. Sending you and your OH big hugs xxx:hug:
     
  15. chrissie33

    chrissie33 Mummy to two monkeys

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    Oh sweetheart, please do not give yourself such a hard time - I am sure that you know deep down that you could have done nothing to prevent this, how could you possibly have known?? You need to give yourself some time to grieve honey, it is a dreadful, heartbreaking thing that has happened and you and OH need to grieve together. My advice would be as others here have said, talk to him, keep him close to you and share your feelings with him, that would hopefully help him to express his feelings too so you can work through the pain together. You are both in my thoughts xx
     
  16. princess_bump

    princess_bump Happy Wife & Mumma!

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    :hugs: i am so sorry for your loss, thinking of you :hugs:
     
  17. honeybunch2k7

    honeybunch2k7 Well-Known Member

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    I wish I knew what to say. :hugs: :hug:
     
  18. Jemma_x

    Jemma_x Mummy and Engaged

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    Hey hun, as i said in Pm im so sorry for your loss. I know how your feeling, nothing i can say or do will ease the pain your feeling but as i said im always here to talk.
     
  19. JJF

    JJF Finished at 3

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    Mugzy, I am so so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how hard this must be on you and it breaks my heart to hear you blame yourself. I imagine I would do the same thing if I were in your shoes but from this side of your sad situation I can assure you that there was no way for you to know and it sounds like it was God's plan to take your little one to heaven. I'm so sorry you are hurting and I hope that in time it will gradually get better. Take care of yourself!
     
  20. superp123

    superp123 Super Auntie to 3 + 1

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    I am so very sorry for your loss. Take care. :hugs:
    P
     

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