you know what i just need somewhere to vent so im gunna go ahead and do it in here saying as the twat affectionately known as Josh! wont listen to a god damn word i say! I'm SOOOO pissed with him, he went out with his mates tonight, fair enough, he wanted some sense of normality, but he promised the kids he'd be home for midnight to set off fireworks, and did he turn up for midnight? did he buggary, he's JUST turned up at quarter to two, in no state whatsoever to light fireworks, upset brandon and called him a little shit for giving him cheek (which he did to be fair, and if josh hadnt said something i would) but still, the reason he's here is to get away from a life like that, not come to another one. He started on me for not having 5kids in bed and asleep for when he got home, even though they were up BECAUSE he was home, even though it was supposed to be. The others were all back in bed apart from Brandon and Kabe, and he's gone off on one just cos they werent all asleep. He wont do anything, he wont get out of bed he just wants to look good in front of people i think. His parents came around again and know whats going on and are trying to help but nothings workign, he stayed the same even in front of them, but as soon as one fo his mates turned up to go out with him, he was like, are you sure i cant get you anything or feed him before i go, i dont like leaving you alone with them all. He's such a twat, Mike was like, havent you got him well trained, i felt like screaming that he isnt and he;s being a fucking prick (Sorry) it just winds me up really badly. I dont know what to do, if i wasnt at breaking point before, i deffo am now, Kabes suffering from not sleeping, i dont know what to do anymore, and when i suggested going to the HV Josh wont let me, he said it'll make us out to look like bad parents, which i can see his point, we already get judged when we go in, but still. He wont do anything around the house apart from yell at me, or Izzie as he did earlier and reduced her to tears. I now have Josh laid sprawled out on the couch, more or less unable to move he's drunk that much, Izzie crying cos she heard Josh shouting and she hates anything like that, Brandon lay in bed crying because of what Josh said to him and Kabe still screaming becuse he cant sleep. Im at the point where im the next one about to cry because i really dont know what to do with myself anymore.
im sorry to rant on in here like this, i just needed somewhere to actually get out how i felt somewhere cos i was just sat here winding myself up more and more thinking about it. I hate that lifes got like this. April 2006 and we were as happy as we could ever be, we had one specisl little girl Abi who was a month old, and we were engaged since christmas and happier than anyone we knew, now it seems everything has gone tits up and i just dont know what to do!
I feel for you. Sometimes men can not relate can't personally see how they can to some things but it doesn't take a genius to work out how to be there for the other one if it be listen or offer a break nah mind the fact he should be taking responsibility for his babies anyway!
if not Wednesday I promise.
