I'm so scared I can't have a baby

[Iwantababy15]

So me and my boyfriend have decided that later on this year we are going to start trying for a baby, but I'm petrified I won't be able to have a baby. Truth is I haven't used any birth control for the past 3 years (except the pill every now and again to delay my periods round special events). I don't have sex often, maybe once or twice a month, occasionally 3 or 4 times a few years ago. Surely if I could get pregnant I would have done so by now? I lose sleep over it, I am so desperate to be a mum that I just don't know how I would be able to cope if I couldn't have them. In even too scared to go to the doctors to see if iv got a problem but I couldn't face being told I'm infertile. It's crazy it's all I can think about. My boyfriend doesn't know I am feeling this way (or that I haven't been taking my birth control). He would be so upset if I couldn't give him a baby and his parents desperately want a grandchild. It would just be an stab in the heart to all of us if I couldn't have a baby. I'm even crying writing this

 

[cameragirly]

Big hug,
I know how you are feeling. I was diagnosed with pcos when I was younger and was told by doctors well you will struggle to have children- charming. then told a few years ago I don't have pcos! confusing, my period cycles are all over the place and very long cycles and it's easy to despair. but my mother couldn't have a period and she was given clomid and she had two children! and this was ancient times 30 years ago! If you do struggle you need to not despair as there is so much they can do these days. It's sonething I've been worrying about myself but I feel more in control now we are ttc and I'm tracking my cycles.

There is also a very narrow window each month in which to conceive so being off the pill but not trying not preventing wouldn't really mean that you would fall pregnant. especially with having sex 1-4 times a month.

I do think you need to speak to your boyfriend, I ended up crying so hard one night I think my fiancé thought I'd lost the plot, he was suprised when it was all over my fear that we might not be able to have a baby, and that I just wanted to start trying.

hope this has helped a little, certainly I wouldn't panic especially if you have a fairly regular cycle. hope you are ok
x

 

[lisap2008]

If your only having intercourse once or twice a month your probably missing your fertile window. even highly fertile couples that are timing it right only have a 20% chance per cycle. I suggest charting your cycles to see if your ovulating. If you end up TTC for 6 months -a year with good timing and no BFP dont be afraid to seek fertility testing & treatment if needed.

 

[Taima]

Hey. Like the others have said, you must have been missing your fertile window. Your egg survives 12-24 hours and sperms will survive 3-5 days. So your fertile 5 days before ovulation but MOST fertile 2 days before and day of ovulation. While your still waiting to try, take your temps for a couple of months to make sure your ovulating (observing temp increase after ovulation) . Download fertility friend app and you'll learn a lot about your cycle and your body. Get all the info you need on getting pregnant and apply them. Don't assume you can't get pregnant without trying.
Good luck! Hope it all works out.

 

[tinytummy]

Hey I have the same advice as that of others, have right timing of intercourse, and increase the frequency if possible. Start tracking your cycle and ovulation so that you get your fertile window right. This could take a couple of months more. You need to speak with your boyfriend openly and go to counselling together if required.

But most important, don’t blame yourself if you don’t succeed. Many of the times, it could be male factor or few times it is just nobody’s fault. However, I don’t see this would be your case. Probably all you need is good direction in your ttc process, which you will get after your gynaecologist consulting.

 

[Amyface]

First thing to do, like everyone else said, is to start tracking your cycle and go from there. I started off using an OPK every day of my cycle until I got a +ve so I could really see what was happening. We followed the SMEP plan religiously for 4 months and then got pregnant. I am consultant led because of a lot of problems I've had with my cervix and she couldn't believe we'd got pregnant. Something like this is often very much down to lots of it all at the right time. Just take control of it, get things written down on paper and follow a plan to help you. Like someone else said, even following that religiously only gave us a 20% chance every month, and that's not discounting the problems that I have with getting pregnant. Keep positive and I'm sure it will happen for you. Good luck!

 

[prettybirdy27]

I don't have any advice, I just wanted to say I understand the fear. I've been on birth control for 7 years before we started trying, but I was pretty poor at taking it and had a potential for a lot of "oopsies" but never ended up pregnant. We started trying in October and I haven't gotten pregnant yet, and part of me is wondering why and being very afraid that something is wrong. I am especially fearful after a friend of mine told me she discovered she is infertile.

What keeps me going is remembering that even the most fertile couples can take 6 months or more. Also, DH and I have decided that BD every other day isn't going to be a scheduled, regimented thing, but that we're going to have fun and enjoy it, and I really have been enjoying it!

Best of luck.

 

[Iwantababy15]

Thank you everyone, sorry maybe I am worrying too much. I just want it so much! I also spoke to my friend about it and her response was 'that doesn't sound good' then my mind went into overdrive thinking oh my god I should have got pregnant by now if it hasn't happened so far something must be wrong. I keep having dreams as well where I think I'm pregnant but every time there turns out to be no baby. Scares me a little

 

[KatO79]

Hi Iwantababy15

Like everyone said, it can take perfectly healthy, fertile couples anywhere from 6 months to 1 year to conceive. People who conceive sooner are just lucky There's not necessarily anything wrong with you if you take longer than any friends that were so lucky to conceive shortly after they started trying. Conceiving isn't always as easy as people make it out to be, some take a bit longer. As everyone said as well, your fertile window is only around 5-6 days, including your ovulation day (O day). Sperm can live for anywhere between 2-5 days although I believe 3 days is the average. The egg survives for about 12-24 hours. So you should preferably be having sex the days leading up to O so there are sperm ready when the egg is released. You could try using ovulation tests (or ovulation prediction kits=OPKs) to see when you O so you can better time things so you're having sex close to and perhaps including on O day. I think the medical advice is if you're having sex 2-3 times a week, chances are you'll fall pregnant at one point without maybe even really trying. So 1-2 a month isn't going to cut it, you need to either have more sex or time it so it's during your fertile window.

I don't know how old you are but if you're under 35, a fertility specialist (RE) or your general practitioner (GP) won't test you and your boyfriend for fertility issues until you've been trying for at least 1 year. If your 35 or over, it's after 6 months (due to the higher chances of there being a fertility issue).

Good luck

 

[lisap2008]

Thank you everyone, sorry maybe I am worrying too much. I just want it so much! I also spoke to my friend about it and her response was 'that doesn't sound good' then my mind went into overdrive thinking oh my god I should have got pregnant by now if it hasn't happened so far something must be wrong. I keep having dreams as well where I think I'm pregnant but every time there turns out to be no baby. Scares me a little

I totally understand the worry, I was NTNP for about 4 years before my first came along ,I was convinced I couldent get pregnant because we were doing it often and no pregnancy , turned out I could get pregnant, it just does not happen as easy as my mother and sex ed in school made it out to be. I also found out while TTC my second that I had PCOS so maybe I was not ovulating every month.

I recommend you watch the Great sperm race on you tube its a 6 part documentary that shows how challenging it is for sperm to make it to the egg.
https://youtu.be/gAnMymnJiLM?list=PLFA6E1181813F7AD4

 

[Penguin20]

I can't help with advice but I understand how you feel

I have had doubt since I was little thinking I won't be able to have kids and now I been off the pill for 13 months and still nothing just feel like it's never going to happen
I tried being positive but after a year of trying I just feel like a failure
But I'm going to keep trying and hope one day I'll get my bfp