I'm sorry but I have nobody else I can talk to about this :(

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Second Trimester' started by CeeCee2010, Jan 28, 2011.

  1. CeeCee2010

    CeeCee2010 Mummy to Jessica xxx

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    I love my DH with all my heart and he is my best friend and soul mate. However, I have tried everything in the world to get him to come near me in a more 'intimate' way for weeks and he won't. He says it's not because he doesn't love me because he does, he just can't think about 'doing it' with me. I've tried EVERYTHING you can think of and we've had big chats this week about it and now he won't even talk about it anymore.

    :cry: What am I doing wrong? I've tried subtle, I've tried sexy, I've tried everything... :cry: is it me? Am I that hideous he can't bear to be with me in that way?

    I'm probably just hormonal and reading too much in to it I know. I just want back any level of intimacy. We used to at least 'fumble' :blush: but now nothing... :cry:

    I'm sorry I shouldn't mention it and feel free to ignore me. I just don't have anybody else I can talk to about this. Feeling very alone right now. :cry:
     
  2. BabyRaff

    BabyRaff Proud mummy to Riley

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    Aww hun don't worry about it. My OH when through the same sort of thing a couple of weeks back.
    Try just taking it slowly, tell him there isn't any pressure to do anything you just want to be close. What I did was just cuddle or peck him, I never when for full on kissing or anything like that just simple 'we've just started dating' stuff. I was lovely :)
    Maybe he's worried about hurting you or the baby, that's what the problem we had, if it is he needs to get over it on his own, so just being close without any pressure to do more might help him.
    Hope I helped hun and don't let it get you down, it won't be you :) xx
     
  3. SPN1304

    SPN1304 new mummy to baby boy :-)

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    Awwww massive :hugs:

    I am sure he dosen't mean to hurt you and hormones may be making things seem worse (they do for m every other day at the minute). My OH and I have had a chat about this sort of thing too. We have not really been intimate since getting our BFP. I have not really been 'up for it' anyway tbh but likewise when talking to my OH he has said it seems a little odd at the minute with LO on his way. He almost feels like he is doing something wrong and not beong protective if that makes sense?

    Maybe its something similar with you OH? I am fine with it at the minute I just hope we both go back to normal when LO arrives!
     
  4. Kaileymonster

    Kaileymonster Mammy and bump

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    :hugs:

    Try everything but full sex if he's up for it...

    He fancied you enough to sleep with you to get you pregnant honey. it's deffo not you. your just in different circumstances... guys know where the baby comes out and I think it's wierd for them because thats a sexual place for you both and you innocent little cherub is coming out of there...

    Me and the OH have struggled with it especially now I can feel Flump move... we're just taking things slowly and being intimate in other ways... I miss our previous sex life but the gentle cuddles are amazing and make me feel amazing...

    there's other things to do so don't ask him for full sex, as for everything but and work on it from there!!

    Cheer up sweety!!
     
  5. WendyG

    WendyG Mother of 1 Little Boy

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    It's totally normal for a guy to lose interest a little bit, and it has absolutely nothing to do with you! It is often due to a subconscious fear of hurting the baby. Also, evolutionarily speaking, his "deed" is done, he's passed on his seed to create the next step in the genetic chain, so it's normal for him to lose that "need' for a little while.

    Well... if you wanted the scientific explanation lol.
     
  6. CeeCee2010

    CeeCee2010 Mummy to Jessica xxx

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    Thank you ladies. I'm just in tears about it which is awkward cos I'm at work! Thank you so much for the hugs and advice. He will hug me but thats about it,do I just keep hugging him and hope it progresses or do I need to lead him...? X
     
  7. BabyBoyle

    BabyBoyle TTCAL of 2nd angel xx

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    Ahh Cee.. Hugs! xxxxxx

    Its not you darling!! You are helping to grow an amazing creation, he probably loves you now MORE than ever!

    He is probably worried about hurting the baby, or you..

    Worth sitting down and having a talk maybe? reassure him that baby is well protected etc, he may still feel funny about it but again, might just be his mind that thinks that way!

    Sorry you're feeling like this hun, just enjoy the fact hes not pestering you hehe..

    I didnt want to be TOUCHED the 1st tri.. not even cuddles.. but now, im absolutely rampant and have no other half... ouch. lol.

    Maybe just have cuddles and kisses, see how it progresses :) Im sure he loves you very much, and the baby, which is why hes backing off from that xxxx
     
  8. Apen2009

    Apen2009 Well-Known Member

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    It's not you, it's the baby! Men seem to be very funny about sex while OH is pregnant. I hear the same thing, and go through the same thing with mine. He's got this fear that he's going to hurt the baby, hurt me... it has really messed with his psyche. .
    We tried something the other day and at the very beginning the LO kicked me so suddenly I couldn't help but react. . needless to say that ended any chances I had of a romantic moment.. .. though we did try. .. it was just never going to happen. . .
    I would try to get him to read up on this subject. Or even talk to your Dr.. . Maybe that would make him feel better about it? He's needs to realize he's not going to hurt you, he's not going to poke the baby, the baby is well protected and behind the fortress wall we call the cervix.
    All I can say is you are not alone in experiencing this with your DH. I hope things get better for you guys!! But, if they don't, don't take it personal... it has little to do with his attraction to you. . . .
    Good Luck
     
  9. CeeCee2010

    CeeCee2010 Mummy to Jessica xxx

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    Thanks Baby Boyle XX I worry it's my fault because I've put on weight and because I didn't have the energy in first tri that now he won't come near me :( XXX
     
  10. Kaileymonster

    Kaileymonster Mammy and bump

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    I just asked my OH about this and he said he feels perverted sometimes because His child is in me even though it's me that he's sleeping with!!

    Have a word with your OH, being blunt and saying you need hugs because your down... you need looking after emotionally.

    <3
     
  11. CeeCee2010

    CeeCee2010 Mummy to Jessica xxx

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    Bless these men! Maybe it is just that thats bothering him? Like I said above I just fear its my fault because I'm a rhino and turned him ddown for sex in first tri X
     
  12. cbmd

    cbmd one little boy - milo

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    aw dont worry my OH is the same. but hs still gives me loads of hugs and kisses. He said he cant relax doing it for worrying about baby, and i think this is fair enough. He wants this baby so much as well and said he doesnt want to take the risk. He does always say he cant wait until its born and im OK again. I really wouldnt worry, my OH says he likes my body more now pregnant and ive put on about 2 stone!! and he genuinely means it!
    I reckon its pretty normal and im not worrying really. :)
    xx
     
  13. BabyBoyle

    BabyBoyle TTCAL of 2nd angel xx

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    haha dont be silly.. weight gain is normal too, again, your growing LIFE!!! He knows that too, and again they usually are more "attracted" to you in pregnancy too. something to do with hormones blah. lol.

    As im not with the babys dad he actually messaged me yesterday accusing me of sleeping with someone else and i quote "Thats vile, you have a baby inside you you shouldnt be having sex"..

    Was ok when he wanted it though silly boy!

    So thats probably going through all their heads lol xx
     
  14. eva2010

    eva2010 Well-Known Member

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    aw don't worry, women get like this as well as guys. Since I've been feeling the LO moving loads I've started to feel different about it all, hugging, kissing, being close, no problem - but there's a wriggly baby in there! It's another phase of pregnancy....

    Also I watched a programme on dads a while back and how they change during our pregnancies, apparently our hormones effect theirs (they get an increase of the love-hormone oxytocin) and this depresses their testosterone - which could explain why some guys aren't in the mood so much! It's thought to make them more protective/loving towards us :)

    xx
     
  15. Kaileymonster

    Kaileymonster Mammy and bump

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    That would explain a lot. Men never seem to mind when women put on weight anyway... i used to be a size six, dancer with a six pack kinda girl... I went up to a 10-12 and my OH [and other men] went mad for me!!! don't worry about weight gain at all... try to remember your not fat your pregnant!!!

    it's bump that weighs the most and the bigger bump gets the better!!!
     
  16. CandyApple19

    CandyApple19 Pregnant with #3, PAL.

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    *biggg cuddles*
     
  17. eva2010

    eva2010 Well-Known Member

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    baby weight and the rest accounts for a lot I think, I've put on more weight than I should but for the first time in my life I have big boobs! Woohoo! I try to remember that when I catch a glimpse of myself in shop windows/mirrors and I look a lot bigger

    xx
     
  18. CeeCee2010

    CeeCee2010 Mummy to Jessica xxx

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    Thank you all ladies you've helped me to stop crying! That's a feat in itself! It's just the feeling of walking on eggshells and don't know if this hug is ok or this kiss. It's silly really you think I would know my own DH well enough to know eh?

    BabyBoyle, you let me know who that moron is and I will go kick his sorry behind into shape! When did you two split? Obviously you don't have to answer that I don't want to pry! XX
     
  19. CeeCee2010

    CeeCee2010 Mummy to Jessica xxx

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    P.s Thank you for all the hugs too. I don't know what I would do without you ladies sometimes X
     
  20. BabyBoyle

    BabyBoyle TTCAL of 2nd angel xx

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    Hahah i dont care.. We broke up Boxing day, tbh we should have stayed seperated in summer but carried on *sigh* but i have a beautiful girl on the way so im glad for that!

    He just gone all selfish and i didnt talk to him apart from news on baby, but he was going out as usual etc..

    i work in a pub, i have a lot of friends who have had birthdays, i dont have a bump, i dont have a "high risk pregnancy" (well i do, but nothing i can do to help/prevent), so i dont have to stay in, and ive been going out having fun with my friends (why shouldnt i).

    Got accused of not acting like a mum/parent and going out & sleeping about etc.. i was SHOCKED!!!!!!!!!!!

    I have been seeing a guy whos fascinated with the pregnancy read up all about Madison's turners etc, listens to her heartbeat and is such a nice concerned guy. more than i can say for her father! (ha!) lol

    Sorry i ramble :D xx
     

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