Immense frustration

[Stressbucket]

This is going to be long, I just need to write it all out.

LO is going to be four weeks on Tuesday. We've had trouble with BF from the start. In the hospital, I saw a whole gaggle of lactation consultants, none of whom were talking to each other, and who all gave contradictory advice.

When we got home, I got sick, and that didn't help.

Now, we're trying as hard as we can to get her on an all-breastmilk diet, at least some of which comes directly from the source.

The problem is twofold:

One, she won't always latch. I take morning shift, after her dad stays up with her through the night, and when I get her in the morning she is usually happy to take a nipple and stay on it for forty minutes or so. Sometimes she will take a second nipple. She is not a very efficient nurser, but she will stay on the pillow, and suck intermittently, and is getting milk.

Shortly after this, however, she will start to fuss for food again, by which time she has temporarily exhausted my supply, and/or will not latch again. This usually ends up with her getting 60 ccs of formula to top her off.

During the rest of the day, she may not latch at all, or may latch for a very short period of time. She may simply cry and turn her head away when the nipple is offered, or firmly stuff her hands into her mouth, or go to sleep as soon as a nipple shows up, only to wake up and start crying as soon as I give up trying to wake her enough to get her to suck. Sometimes we can get another good session in the evening. Meanwhile, everything is getting lightly basted in milk, as she screams for food, and my nipples spray everything in sight, including the baby who is determinedly ignoring my breasts and trying to nurse my bathrobe instead.

Pumping works, and she likes the expressed milk, but I am having a hell of a time managing to pump enough through the day to both attempt to BF and have an actual supply. Some of this is just that while she is up, I am mostly holding/feeding/caring for her, and when she sleeps, I have STUFF to do.

I'm tired, and frustrated. I hate it that she is getting formula. I resent my husband for repeatedly bringing her to me to feed when it will turn into another session where both of us cry. I hate having to keep washing the stupid attachments on the electric pump out all the time. (Yes, this is petty. I'm getting it all out here.

My husband wants this work out because he has it in mind that this is something I really want. But his way of helping involves watching like a hawk and offering advice. "Is there a reason you don't turn her head? What if we heated the formula to blood temperature? Let her cry. The doctor said she'll latch on when she's hungry enough. Why is she crying? I'll feed her."

I'm trying to figure out what I actually do want, and I think what I want is not to be giving her formula. So today I think I need to start pumping and storing, and also nursing as much as possible through the day. If we can feed directly, great. If not, she gets the expressed milk. I need to figure out a way to make using the machine--I have an electric tabletop model and a small hand pump, courtesy of a very dear friend--doable while getting other stuff done.

And I need to stop crying on the baby when she's fussy and won't take the nipple. Her cute onesies don't look good with tearstains all over them.

Have people had good luck talking to La Leche League? I can get a consultation with a lactation lady at my local hospital, but as I said before, they were kind of useless while we were in the hospital. I'm wary.

 

[Sprat]

I definitely think it is worth seeing la leche league people - in fact i would go see anyone you can. Unfortunately you may get conflicting views /advice so it is possibly a case of sifting through to find what works. Is there any possibility she is tongue tied so struggling to feed?

I know it is easy to say it but try to relax when you feed as the more stressed you get the more stressed she will get and the more relaxed you both are the better. I say again i know easier said than done.

Is it possible to feed away from your oh in a quiet, perhaps dimly lit room?

Have you tried after a little expressed milk so she is not so hungry?

Is it worth trying to feed her at night? My lo latches and feeds much better at night for some reason!

The more you express (and
feed) the more it should keep your supply going.

It sounds like you are determined to bf so if you get the right support you should be fine. La leche league In my area are very good and with so definitely try them. Sorry no more advice but good luck and know that you are doing amazing and it is so great that you haven't given up despite the problems.

 

[tinytabby]

This is great advice from Sprat.

 

[armywife11]

Sprat gave good advice! It also sounds to me you have forceful let down. My baby hates it too and will refuse to nurse. What helped us was laying down to nurse. If it came out to fast she could unlatch I would catch the spray in a rag and relatched her as soon as it calmed down.

The eating really well then crying for more food sounds like cluster feeding to me. She is trying to increase your supply. However I did not experience any issues with that.

Don't give up if it's what you want to do! I to struggled and searched for help several times before I finally got things to work right for us. I even returned to the hospital after they released us because she wouldn't latch. Some of the best advice I got right here and from a few of the lactation consultants at the hospital.. but not the ones I saw after labor, the ones I sought out later. Good luck hun!