In-laws not bought anything for baby!

[CharlieP]

What noodles Said!! ^^^

Your initial post was very negative and definitely came across as expecting them to buy things because you said they were being tight for not doing so! If you didn't mean it in that way I would suggest either editing you first post or accepting that people are responding to the tone of your unedited post, rather than getting upset with them.

 

[Libra Mariah]

Maybe your in-laws are waiting on the baby shower.

 

[AP]

Deleted because it wasnt constructive

 

[Yazz_n_bump]

No my in-laws have brought us jack shit.
My SIL is preggers though and her mum (MIL) has brought her everything. :/
I don't expect them to buy us anything really, just a little peed off that she's brought my SIL's child (who is due AFTER me) lots of stuff and a random girl at our work place lots of baby stuff too?! yet her only grand son to be gets nothing lol.
Oh well not that fussed, it's our child at the end of the day. :S

 

[pandabub]

LoL it never even crossed my mind that either my parents or my OH's would want to contribute anything towards the baby.

My ma, who lives on the other side of the world and survives on virtually nothing, somehow managed to scrape enough together to send us some gorgeous little outfits which was very touching.

Honestly? I would just focus my energy on being grateful towards your parents for all that they have done and forget the in-laws. You have more important things to worry about ;-) xx

 

[spring_baby]

My ohs dad and his step mum gave us money towards our pram instead of a christmas gift and his mum and step dad gave us a moses basket rocking stand, some bedding, 3 baby gros and a wicker basket with lid for christmas instead of a christmas present for us too.
Mum has knitted a pram blanket some cardis in newborn and one hooded one in 3-6 months booties little mitts etc and will carry on until birth. Mum and dad are getting us the britax first class for baby around his due date as until then we would just have to find storage for it so makes sense.
I dont know if ohs parents will buy anything for bubs when he comes but then again this is their 7 th grandchild in total and their agess only range from 4-14 so still quite young.

Whereas my family are quite excited as this baby will be grandchild number 12 and though my brother has 6 yr olds they live with his ex partner and he himself lives miles away so we havent as a family had a lot of interaction with his sons lives and they are 6 yr old twins, the next youngest granchild/neice nephew is 14 and the oldest is 22 so my brothers and sisters and parents cant wait to have a baby in the family again

Everyone is different and yr inlaws might surprise you fx they do.

In my first marriage my inlaws bought nothing for my first second or third child other than an outfit when they were born but they were sicilian and in their tradition the mothers parents is supposed to provide for her grandchildren not the fathers, everyone is different I hoipe that even if they only buy some clothes when yr baby is here that you dont feel upset with them, the person to ask gently would be yr other half but if he wont them I am afraid they will never know that they did anything to offend.
Big Hug xx

 

[missjaime]

I don't think anyones obliged to buy anything tbh but the parents. But that's just me it's your choice to have children.

Ours didn't offer until she was born, out of sheer guilt perhaps in our circumstances, but we had bought everything and we prided ourselves on the fact we supplied everything for our daughter. And we weren't made of money either

i agree were not expecting or asking for anything. with our first my mum offered to buy the stroller cot and car seat and i said if you could throw it on ya credit card and wel pay you back that would be much appreciated. im the same with baby showers my friends are organising another one and i said that it would be better that they brought a small plate of something yummy instead of pressents (not that they listened the first shower) although i do spoil my friends when they have kids i personally dont see why it should be anyone elses responsibilty or expect others to buy us things

 

[AP]

Also, another reason was I wanted to buy all these things, have all the fun in it, because after all it was my first baby! I got peeved when the MIL bought the first swim nappy. she couldn't understand when I told her 'that's my job, I'm her mum'
Guess everyones different

 

[kanga]

Just wondered if your in-laws are helping towards the baby, not that I expect anything.

No

My parents have bought quite alot because they are very excited & I am very grateful although I have bought most things myself.

Your family sound wonderful. I agree that excitement should equal tangible presents.

My in-laws seem excited about their 1st grandchild & are not superstitious about buying things but they havent even asked if we would like a moses basket, cot etc just thought it would be nice of them if they did.

OMG, how dare they not even ask you if you would like a moses basket or something equally fantastic. Do they not know the mid-pregnancy deadline for offerings. Divorce them immediately.

 

[SarahJayne_x]

my MIL didnt buy anything for Ashton up until i was 32 weeks pregnant, and then she went out and bought a moses basket, (even though i had picked my own) and a few bits of clothes...
now she dotes on him, even though i didnt think she would...
most MILs feel that your mother will prob like to help so they kinda feel a little pushed out!
xx

 

[scuffer]

Hello,

I didn't read the original post but am sorry this all seems a bit negative.

I just wanted to say that neither side has offered to buy anything and I wouldn't expect it. My mum did say the other day that she had some clothes for my brother's baby boy but hasn't managed to get down to see him yet and there'll no longer fit so she's keeping them for our bubs which is really lovely.

Personally I would feel a bit awkward if either side offered to buy us anything big for the baby, that feels like our job, but then none of them are particularly well off so it would be inappropriate for them to spend a great deal on the baby.

 

[Ember]

I don't think that it's very nice or in the spirit of BnB itself for people to be coming in and calling the OP names and being sarcastic and biting. There are plenty of constructive, helpful, and supportive ways to disagree without being mean. If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.

Also remember that different cultures and families have different traditions and expectations.

 

[strawberry19]

i wasnt expecting anything off of my parents and in laws but my mum has offered to buy our pram and ive chose which one i want, my mil is getting us a nice cotbed mattress and teh car seat.. its things they wanted to get my mum always feels she has to make up for my dad being an ass and not being there but i dont expect them to buy us anything were quite proud that were getting most things for the baby ourselves

 

[CharlieKeys]

My in laws bought Stephen his cot, loads of clothes, his walker/bouncer thing, the car so we'd have a working one when he was born, they paid for his 4D scan etc so we were and still are lucky in what they bought/buy is. My mum hasn't got as much money but she made all his bedding and curtains, our pram accessories, accessorised his towel with his name, made a special blanket for him and gave me the rocking chair she got when sh was pregnant with me

 

[Starry Night]

I don't think that it's very nice or in the spirit of BnB itself for people to be coming in and calling the OP names and being sarcastic and biting. There are plenty of constructive, helpful, and supportive ways to disagree without being mean. If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.

Also remember that different cultures and families have different traditions and expectations.

I agree with this totally. I said this earlier, but in some places baby showers and gifts are the norm. If neither set of our parents gave us even a single outfit or a card then it would seem odd. I honestly would be quite hurt. And it's not selfish or irresponsible because you yourself are "paying it forward" by buying other people gifts for their babies....and you'll be buying the bulk of the items yourself anyways.

Saying that, a gift is a gift and you accept whatever you're given. You can't measure love and thoughtfulness with money. Sometimes I've only been able to contribute $10 to a group gift (can't spend $30+ every time).

 

[carterclan02]

The last I talk to my inlaws was the day I told them I was expecting..I was told they would have to sleep on it..And tell me at a later date what they thought..Yes i know i have 5 children already..But we take care of ourself..We depend on noone but ourselves..If i lived off of everyone and everyone was forever paying my bills then maybe i could understand a bit..But we don't..So that was the day i decided I wouldn't be talking to them..Hubby can if he chooses but I will not!!

 

[Sevenladybugs]

My parents and DH's family haven't bought us anything since I was pregnant with my daughter. I had a baby shower for her and they did buy us a portacrib but that was forever ago and they never even bought any of the other kids even an outfit! I felt sad that they only thought of the first one. But we'll manage even if I have to buy everything myself.

 

[Blah11]

My inlaws didn't ask us until I was about 38 weeks (boxing day actually and she was born on 4th Jan ) and by then I already had everything. My mum bought our buggy, my auntie her crib, my dad her cot etc etc so they ended up buying clothes and putting money into a trust fund for her. The sentiment was there but it was a bit backwards leaving it so late.

Saying that, you shouldn't expect anything anyway, like others have said it's your child, not theirs.

 

[kanga]

I don't think that it's very nice or in the spirit of BnB itself for people to be coming in and calling the OP names and being sarcastic and biting. There are plenty of constructive, helpful, and supportive ways to disagree without being mean. If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.

Also remember that different cultures and families have different traditions and expectations.

I don't think your post is in the spirit of bnb either. It is somewhere we can express our opinions and give advice. My sarcastic comment was to advise the poster she was being ridiculous in her childish winge.

Re the customs point, OP is in the UK. Its not our custom to have baby showers and for our family to buy our baby things. I believe this is the case in the US. Baby showers may be making their way to the UK but I would doubt someone of my parents generation would know that.

Indeed, OP is only 24 weeks. There is plenty of time for them to offer before OP resumes her hissy fit 'my parents have bought loads of stuff and OH's havent bought anything' *stamps feet*

 

[Lucky777]

same here... my parents has bought so much already.