In-laws not bought anything for baby!

[mum2millsxx]

I dont expect mine or my OHs family to buy me anything.. I actually like buying everything myself as Ive made my child so I want to pay for it (and my OH).. My mom hasnt got a lot of money but when I was pregnant with my first she picked me up lots of little things that I would have not even thought about, but all the big stuff we got ourself.. this time round I have told her not to get anything aswell, I also have my own taste and would feel terrible if someone got me something that I didnt really like lol.. Obviously gifts like clothes are nice but thats a bonus to me Il make sure my little one has everything she needs and then anything else is a bonus

To the poster I think that you are lucky to have such generous parents and perhaps u should just focus on that rather than what you havent been given by the in laws. There is still plenty of time plus Im sure they will spoil your little one when they are here x

 

[Palestrina]

What an ugly rude thread this has become. In my opinion the people who are so bent out of shape about the OP wishing her inlaws got her gifts haven't received any gifts from anyone themselves. I think that's what the anger is all about.

I do not feel bad or selfish that my family has rushed to our side to help us with any financial needs we may have. I appreciate it greatly and just because this is our baby doesn't mean that they can't help if they want to. It's their first grandchild and I won't rob them of the joy that brings them as grandparents. My parents are hellbent on buying us all the nursery furniture, and I'm going to let them lol. We are fortunate that my parents want to contribute. However, I am mostly happy that they offer me emotional support, my mother calls me every other day and discusses the pregnancy with me, gives me advice and always always at the end of the conversation she tells us "whatever you need, we're here for you." That's way better than any gift.

My inlaws on the other hand this is their 4th grandchild and they can't be bothered. They've called my husband a couple of times to ask him how I'm doing but they've never called me personally. Last time we were at their house they didn't even mention the pregnancy at all. It was a bummer. I know that when the time of the baby shower arrives that they will buy us the biggest present wrapped in huge ribbons and bring it in with pride and joy so that everyone in the room can say "ooooooh ahhhhhh, you're such good inlaws!" But I know the truth, my mom is there for me every day helping me and inlaws only help when it's a public gesture so that other people will think they're great grandparents.

Support comes in many ways. To the OP, I also think it's a bit early to be complaining about this, you have so much time left. We haven't bought ourselves a single thing yet, why expect anyone else to do so? We haven't even created our registry yet!

 

[pandabub]

In my opinion the people who are so bent out of shape about the OP wishing her inlaws got her gifts haven't received any gifts from anyone themselves.

In which case there is nothing wrong in pointing out that it is nice to be appreciative of all the wonderful things that the OP has already received - a lovely added bonus to a pregnancy. As not everyone is blessed enough to have received such a wealth of items in the first place.

I don't at all intend for my post to be negative, but rather to gently point out that perhaps it would be more of a positive thing to focus on the things one is fortunate to have - such as a family who can support you, both emotionally and in a more materialistic sense.xx

 

[Rhirhikoz]

My in laws complained that my mum bought a £500 travel system so early because its a bad omen, really I think they are annoyed as they feel they need to compete with the price , they havent bought anything except a teddy from BHS ... Which will probally end up getting chewed up by thier jack russel sometime soon anyway. They want me to have all second hand from thier first grandchild. they can kma! Its my first baby and i want most things new, I dont like the idea of a second hand cot from someone i dont know!!

 

[Palestrina]

In my opinion the people who are so bent out of shape about the OP wishing her inlaws got her gifts haven't received any gifts from anyone themselves.

In which case there is nothing wrong in pointing out that it is nice to be appreciative of all the wonderful things that the OP has already received - a lovely added bonus to a pregnancy. As not everyone is blessed enough to have received such a wealth of items in the first place.

I don't at all intend for my post to be negative, but rather to gently point out that perhaps it would be more of a positive thing to focus on the things one is fortunate to have - such as a family who can support you, both emotionally and in a more materialistic sense.xx

I agree with you. I do think however that is a certain amount of negative feeling towards people who receive financial help from their families. I have a friend who's parents sent her out at age 18 and haven't helped her with anything besides a gift on her birthday and christmas. That's their choice and i respect that. However she rolled her eyes when my parents helped me out with rent and groceries way back when I was in between jobs. I can't see why she would be so critical of that unless it's just jealousy.

 

[Starry Night]

Exactly! Dh & I don't NEED people to buy us gifts though it really does help as we're between jobs. It's more the thought behind the tradition of showers and gifts. It's sort of a symbol of your community (friends and family) saying "we want to bless you and your little one by making this transition a little easier financially". It's similar to bridal showers and wedding gifts. And sometimes it's kindness to let other people help you if they genuinely are trying to show you love through their generosity. It's not always them saying "I don't think you can do it on your own".

But even here in North America it would be considered rude to expect people to buy you the big ticket items or to put a price tag on what they need to give you. If they do...fine! But they don't have to.

 

[Babybear1985]

wow I cant belive this thread has caused such an amount of opinions....but thats exactly what bnb is for...advice and opinions on everything to do with babies, pregnancy, families both physucally and mentally.....nobody complains when somebody is having a little rant about all the other things people rant and moan about on here....the reason being is thats exactly what this website is about.

My inlaws havent offered to buy anything yet, whethas my side of the family will I do not expect my inlaws to buy anything at the same time it would be nice of they did, but you have all the other factors other people have mentioned such as superstition, not being able to afford it, cultural beliefs that maybe as I am the women my family should provide more....all in all nobody has to buy anything but its a great help and much appreciated when they do.

Both sides to every opinion, feeling etc and I think this thread has been sucessful in the poster finding out about other peoples situations and how they feel which is the whole point.

xxx

 

[Mother of 4]

I will start off by saying that I haven't read beyond the first page...personally from what I'm seeing I don't think I want to, lol. My first 4 children I had baby showers so I got a lot of stuff from family and friends. This is my 5th child and we weren't going to have anymore then decided to try again so we are starting from scratch this time around We have always bought our cribs, strollers, car seats and the big stuff. I never had that gifted to me. That would probably be the biggest help but I always enjoyed picking out the design I wanted too...so that's a plus. I already have had a blast picking out my travel system and the bedding sets and crib and can't wait to buy them in a couple weeks. I would just look at it as you did it yourself and they can't ever use that against you

 

[bunnie2]

my mothers not happy we are having a boy so dont think she will buy us anything, in laws normally give money to buy what you want when baby arrives.

 

[Lawhra]

Pelestrina - I can assure you it's not anger or jealousy on my part. If people get lots of help that's great for them, I don't begrudge people that. It was the implication she was expecting from them, I find that wrong and rude to react the way the OP said she would I they did offer now.
A subject like this is bound to cause a stir. I actually think it has not been too bad, yes there are some responses that could have been toned down but everyone is entitled to an opinion without it being anger or jealousy.

 

[lynys]

What an ugly rude thread this has become. In my opinion the people who are so bent out of shape about the OP wishing her inlaws got her gifts haven't received any gifts from anyone themselves. I think that's what the anger is all about.

Um, wrong.

It comes from the OP sounding completely immature in bashing her "tight" inlaws because they haven't bought anything while her parents have spent 1000 on her baby.

They haven't done anything wrong, but she came on here and bashed them for being cheap, and felt like everyone should jump to her side and feel the same way.

Sorry, I don't.

 

[kanga]

What an ugly rude thread this has become.

This thread hasn't become ugly, it was ugly from creation when OP had a teenage strop and bashed her *tight* inlaws for not being as generous financially as her own parents (by week 24 of her pregnancy).

 

[elaineindc]

Just wondered if your in-laws are helping towards the baby, not that I expect anything.

No

My parents have bought quite alot because they are very excited & I am very grateful although I have bought most things myself.

Your family sound wonderful. I agree that excitement should equal tangible presents.

My in-laws seem excited about their 1st grandchild & are not superstitious about buying things but they havent even asked if we would like a moses basket, cot etc just thought it would be nice of them if they did.

OMG, how dare they not even ask you if you would like a moses basket or something equally fantastic. Do they not know the mid-pregnancy deadline for offerings. Divorce them immediately.

Sorry, I know this is a sensitive post but this reply made me laugh out loud.

 

[CandyApple19]

Just read through all of this. And to everyone calling her snotty and immature, what are you being by being nasty to her?

My mum (without me asking) Went out and bought tons for my son when i was around 26 weeks, I dont expect her to do it again, if she does then i'll be wowed.
Everyone needs help, and a lot of people arnt daft enough to turn an offer down, having a baby isnt about having people buy everything for you, neither is it all 'well you got yourself into this so you can fend for yourself', It's generally about family doting on their new family member coming into the world and kind gestures with little things here and there.

I don't think for a second that your post was 'snotty' or 'immature' Because if this is your first child, generally MILs and Mums alike are excited that they get to have lots of cuddles with a newborn baby, Their baby is now having a baby, and it's something to celebrate and be excited for, i would feel highly deflaited if my Pregnancy was a taboo and a 'just get on with it' topic.

 

[Lawhra]

Just read through all of this. And to everyone calling her snotty and immature, what are you being by being nasty to her?

My mum (without me asking) Went out and bought tons for my son when i was around 26 weeks, I dont expect her to do it again, if she does then i'll be wowed.
Everyone needs help, and a lot of people arnt daft enough to turn an offer down, having a baby isnt about having people buy everything for you, neither is it all 'well you got yourself into this so you can fend for yourself', It's generally about family doting on their new family member coming into the world and kind gestures with little things here and there.

I don't think for a second that your post was 'snotty' or 'immature' Because if this is your first child, generally MILs and Mums alike are excited that they get to have lots of cuddles with a newborn baby, Their baby is now having a baby, and it's something to celebrate and be excited for, i would feel highly deflaited if my Pregnancy was a taboo and a 'just get on with it' topic.

Her planned response to her inlaws is snotty, and ungrateful.

Just because someone doesn't spend loads of money on a baby does not mean it's a case of 'just get on with it'. That is a very materialistic view. People can be happy and excited without delving into their pockets.

I don't give a stuff if my OH's family don't buy anything for the baby, I know they are super excited and happy for us and that is all that matters to me. Their support is far more important than their money.

I am not looking at this thread again as I dislike ungrateful attitudes.

 

[USAF_WIFE]

I did not see anywhere in the first post that made her out to be teenage she just asked about not getting anything and then she stated what had happened. I think the point of her post was that she feels like her inlaws do not care as much about this baby because they have not shown excitement and gone out to buy something anything and her folks who have less money have been overly excited and bought lots. I think all those that are giving her so much crap and in snotty remarks are not much better. Two wrongs don't make a right and I find it hypocritical of people who call her a teenager and then act it themselves in responses.

 

[kanga]

I did not see anywhere in the first post that made her out to be teenage she just asked about not getting anything and then she stated what had happened. I think the point of her post was that she feels like her inlaws do not care as much about this baby because they have not shown excitement and gone out to buy something anything and her folks who have less money have been overly excited and bought lots. I think all those that are giving her so much crap and in snotty remarks are not much better. Two wrongs don't make a right and I find it hypocritical of people who call her a teenager and then act it themselves in responses.

OP has amended her original post so that's why you probably don't understand what we are talking about x

 

[USAF_WIFE]

No actaully I did see where she called them tight. I did see that she was frustrated by it. I still stand that she really just felt as I posted and I could be wrong I still do not feel its right to call someone teenage and rude and them people do it themselves. I feel BnB gets wayyy to catty sometimes and its mostly due to all our hormones but really everyone takes stuff so personal and im sure shes a lovely person being made out to be selfish because she expected people to be more excited. Maybe she said it in a pissed off way but thats how shes feeling at the time and shes entitled to that and I think she deserves to be able to rant. I am sure shes not hauled off and said it to their faces but she needed to get it out and wanted opinions.

 

[Ashley2189]

Here's what I think - everyone calling her snotty, and immature is out of line. Yes, I had seen her original post. While this is a place for opinions and everyone is entitled to theirs, I think it's beyond rude to say this to someone. There are so many other tactful ways to get your opinion and point across. Just because you are sitting behind a screen typing away to people you do not know does not give anyone the right to be rude. Yes, it is *my opinion* that some of the responses came across as unnecessarily rude. Everyone is more than entitled to their opinion and freedom of speech, I just think there was no need for the patronizing comments. The OP may have chosen her words incorrectly, or may feel differently than you. She may have come across to some as snotty, immature, ungrateful, whatever. We do not know her, and I don't believe we have any right to judge her. We should only offer our advice, and *constructive* criticism. I sincerely hope no one takes offense to that, and we can maybe all try to keep our hormones in check. That's all I'm going to say about the name-calling, and will not comment further even if I get all of bnb yelling at me.

To the OP - I do understand what you mean. I was actually thinking about this earlier today. My OH's parents make a lot of money, and mine don't. My parents have offered to buy us the crib, my grandma has offered to buy the travel system. My grandma does *not* have the extra money to spend, but is adamant on buying a large ticket item. Maybe this is because of our culture. I was shocked when my mother told me grandma was going to buy this for us. I tried to tell her she didn't have to, but if I refuse it will be a slap to the face of my grandma. Rude, and unacceptable. My family does not *offer* to buy things, they *expect* to buy them. They do not ask if I would like for them to purchase something, but they tell me to pick out exactly what I want, and they will purchase it. If I were to tell them no, or to buy it myself, they would be extremely sad and hurt.

My OH is a different ethnicity than I am, and his family has not even offered to buy anything. I know it's not a money issue. I sat thinking about this, and I know that I am still very early in my pregnancy, but I will feel offended if they do not even offer to get something small. I'm do not by any means expect them to go out and spend $200 on something. All I want is the *offer*. If OH's mom says, "Ashley, is there anything you need that we can get for you?" I will smile politely and say "Thank you, but no." Unless they INSIST, I will not accept. Why? Because I view an offer as a polite gesture. This is just what I'm used to, it's the way I was raised. Even when it comes to something as simple as eating, I was raised to OFFER to everyone else. If I'm out at a restaurant and order something different from my OH, I always offer some to him. If I'm going to a friend's house, I always offer to bring something. To me, it's a sign of respect.

 

[NewMummyx]

In laws arent interested in my pregnancy at all

My OH has a wee girl with his ex and they bought her £500 pram, crib, the lot!
Its not that i want anything, I'd just like them to take more of an interest

*sigh* oh well. . .