In vitro vs pride

KBP

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One year ttc, and husband and I are having a disagreement about how to move forward.

Appointment with fertility specialist last Tuesday. We are unexplained infertile. Normally, the plan would be to do 3 rounds of clomid plus iui's and if they didn't work the next step would be in vitro...

However...

My husband was laid off from a state job a couple months ago and assuming he does not get his job back, we only have that health insurance until August. (It is the Cadillac of health insurance) and covers in vitro 100%. This throws us a curve ball.

Understanding this predicament , the specialist agreed to try in vitro first, and skip the three cycles of clomid plus iui, in order to have it covered by insurance.

I have been through a year of stress, sadness, anxiousness trying to get pregnant. It has been very tough on me. I am in favor of in vitro.

My husband is supportive, but wants it to happen the old fashioned way and in vitro turns him off. All the science that goes into it and the fact that it is not natural is not what he wants.

Believe me, I would have LOVED to just miss a period, take a test and surprise my husband telling him were pregnant. Unfortunately that hasn't happened and I do believe we need some help.

Also, I wouldn't want to jump straight to in vitro either, but let's be honest, it can be an extremely costly expense and the fact that our insurance covers it 100% is definitely a factor.

For my husband it's a pride thing-he wants to do it ourselves without help and I understand that completely. So that makes me shy away, because it's not in his heart of hearts for it to happen with assistance. However, if we keep trying on our own, we may still be in this position in months to come, and then we would be looking at a huge bill for in vitro.

Had anyone else's husband felt this way? Or has anyone else been in this predicament? Share your opinions!
 
Hi there. I was in your husband's shoes and didn't want to do ivf. My hubby convinced me after we got a limited time offer for help with the funding.
I've come to realize through this journey that ivf is also natural; in a sense that it is a process 2 people who love each other go through in order to conceive a child. The clinic and lab situation took none of the love and commitment away from the process; in fact it has brought my husband and I closer together. There is also the "natural factor" that doctors can't force the DNA of the egg & sperm cells to combine; even if they do ICSI they can only inject the sperm cell into the egg. The rest has to happen "naturally".
I am so incredibly fortunate that ivf worked for us and even if it hadn't, I'm glad that we've been fortunate to have had this experience. You will experience so much love and support from everyone who knows about the process and be richer for it.
Ivf is so expensive. If you have the privilege of having it fully covered; I'd say definitely go for it!

GL with whatever you decide. Feel free to pm me with any questions :)
 
I'm sorry KBP, my DH and I were also diagnosed unexplained so I know how annoying it is not to have any answers:hugs:

I've been through 6 failed IUIs, an IVF that ended in a CP and am currently almost 22 weeks pregnant after our 2nd IVF. I can tell you that IVF is far more challenging both physically and emotionally than IUI. But if you're mentally prepared for it, then it may be worth a try skipping the IUIs.

But if you're DH isn't up for it yet, it may take time and a few discussions to get him on board. Definitely don't pressure or force him into it, that'll just not be good for your relationship. Has your RE tried explaining to him that your chances of conceiving actually start going down for each cycle that you get a BFN? That unexplained doesn't mean there's nothing wrong, just that they don't know the cause of your infertility? I'd say it also depends on your ages. If you're mid-30s or over than you'd definitely want to start sooner rather than later as fertility drops pretty quickly around then. If you're younger than you may have a couple of years to keep trying while you convince your DH of IVF/IUI.

Normally, I'd say try finding a compromise with your DH (like you can start IVF if you're still not pregnant after x amount of time) but can see time is a big problem in this case. If he's dead set against it, you may have to forego starting IVF now for the sake of preserving your relationship. You don't want him to feel like his feelings are "less" than yours. It may be easier to convince him to try IUI instead perhaps?

Wishing you all the best and hope you soon get that BFP:hugs:
 
My husband was not 100% on board at first. But I can tell you I felt like IVF was much less stressful and easier to deal with then all the wondering and trying and not knowing what was happening. When we went to the specialist office we had our Labs drawn we had appointments we had plans we had dates we knew for sure what to expect it was much easier for me to deal with. I say go for it. Once your pregnant and he sees that little peanut on the screen of your ultrasound he won't care how it was made.
 
Thanks ladies, your words are so encouraging.

Since I posted, my husband and I had a nice long conversation and he is definitely on board with IVF.

I told him my fear was that if I did get pregnant, he would feel differently about my pregnancy-that he wouldn't feel as proud knowing we had help.

He said that what's going to make him proud is the way he will be as a father and me as a mother and it won't matter how we get pregnant.

I almost wanted to cry when he said this! My husband is a man of few words, and knowing he feels that way and expressed it to me made me know for sure that he would be okay if we decide on IVF.

On Monday were are going to talk to the financial advisor to go over what our insurance covers, though I am pretty sure almost everything is covered...we are blessed for that, as this can be a huge financial strain on some couples. And I agree that if we have the privilege of this great health insurance we should use it!

I too think that IVF will be easier for me to deal with than trying trying trying and not knowing! I work well with a plan I am type a!

The success rate for IVF is over 60% for me, that percentage lights up my life right now!
 
Thanks ladies, your words are so encouraging.

Since I posted, my husband and I had a nice long conversation and he is definitely on board with IVF.

I told him my fear was that if I did get pregnant, he would feel differently about my pregnancy-that he wouldn't feel as proud knowing we had help.

He said that what's going to make him proud is the way he will be as a father and me as a mother and it won't matter how we get pregnant.

I almost wanted to cry when he said this! My husband is a man of few words, and knowing he feels that way and expressed it to me made me know for sure that he would be okay if we decide on IVF.

On Monday were are going to talk to the financial advisor to go over what our insurance covers, though I am pretty sure almost everything is covered...we are blessed for that, as this can be a huge financial strain on some couples. And I agree that if we have the privilege of this great health insurance we should use it!

I too think that IVF will be easier for me to deal with than trying trying trying and not knowing! I work well with a plan I am type a!

The success rate for IVF is over 60% for me, that percentage lights up my life right now!
 
Yes I'm a planner too so it was great to have less stress on me trying to time this and just let them tell me when/where to get things done lol. :)
 
Ladies-just curious, did your insurance require that you have a few rounds of IUI's before going forward with IVF?

I just got off the phone with the financial advisor and she basically said insurance will need to start with less before more as far as treatment. IuI before in vitro. It has to be "medically necessary".

She also said that I shouldn't be basing whether or not I move forward with IVF on the health coverage I have.

I disagree with her 100%! And, who is she to make that statement? She's the financial advisor, not the Dr!

As long as the Dr. Says it's okay that I have IVF as my first treatment then I'm all for it. Yes, the health coverage plays a HUGE role because guess what? If come August my husband doesn't get his job back, any health insurance we get will not cover IVF 100%. I know because I already looked. So it's actually a huge factor. And we would be paying the bill! I don't know if I'm being too sensitive but she rubbed me the wrong way.

And now that I've seen the success rates for IVF, I really don't want to waste time with IUI's.
 
Unfortunately I have no idea about insurance in the US as it's been about 21 years since I lived there (moved to DK when I was 16; long story!). In Denmark if you've been trying for 12 months and are TTC #1, then you get 6 free IUIs and 3 free IVFs (you do pay for the injections yourself up to a certain extent). So since DH and I are unexplained, we were forced into doing the 6 IUIs first as it's cheaper for the state. When they didn't work (not even a CP to show for it), I got to start IVF. Anyway I hope someone can help you out with the insurance question!

I personally thought it was good to start with IUI as I felt I was giving my body a chance to do it's thing. It was just too bad none worked although I probably wouldn't have done 6 given the choice and only gone for 3, max 4 before moving on to IVF but I didn't have a choice. But it did show me that IVF truely was necessary in our case.

IVF is truely more challenging to go through than IUI, especially going through the egg removal (ER) isn't nice while the insemination process is easier on the body. I was given morphine during my ER (plus a local anaesthetic in my vag by needle so I didn't really feel them sticking the huge needle through it to get to my ovaries:wacko:) but could still feel a teeny bit as they didn't want to give me more than necessary. I was luckily one of those few that bounced back really quickly after ER and could quickly go home (driven by DH as you're not allowed to drive afterwards) but I saw other women that would need to stay at the hospital longer and that felt horrible and really woozy afterwards. Then there's the 3-5 day wait until you find out how many eggs fertilised and how many are good for transfer (although the hospital I went to almost always do 2 day transfers which is what they did for both of my IVFs), definitely a nail biting experience. It's a more gruelling process and I can imagine even more mentally challenging if it doesn't work or they need to cancel your cycle compared to maybe an IUI cycle. I know the fact that I had a CP the 1st round of IVF really hit me hard emotionally because I went through all those injections and scans and the ER for it to end that way. Luckily my 2nd round did the trick but it is very hard emotionally and mentally plus physically to go through IVF.

Not saying any of this to discourage you, I just think you should be prepared for what IVF is like before jumping into it.
 
HGS today, tubes and uterus look completely normal..no blockage...

AF far as the IVF, a woman who was filling in for the regular financial specialist gave me the incorrect information last week. I need to do a few round of clomid plus IUI before IVF being "medically necessary".

So next cycle I will start 50 mg of clomid plus IUI..my hopes are not high at all because it only raises your chances of conceiving a little bit. I'm not being negative I'm just being realistic...unfortunately I just feel this will be a few more months of heartache. By then, I don't know what I'll have for health insurance so I don't know if IVF will even be an option :(

What would be wonderful if I conceived this cycle without any help at all. It's our last cycle to try before the clomid and IUI. I hear that after an HSG pregnancy rates go up!
 
I chose to try femara and timed intercourse for my first seven rounds, never did iui though. It was up to me if I wanted to step right into ivf or not though since the tests proved I needed medical intervening. I think as far as my insurance company goes they were getting money either way so they didn't care.

Someone I work with was about to start her second round of clomid this month only to find out she was pregnant so it can definitely work the first time. I hope that's the case for you and all the insurance/ivf worry will be just a thing of the past.
 
I hope you are right too! Last cycle to try naturally-I'm crossing my fingers :)
 

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