Infertility ... or Fate? (Long Rant)

[HannahHope]

Hello BnB family,

Up until last month, I had a casual approach to ttc. I figured, when I got preggo, I'd get preggo. Sounded like a pretty good plan except five years later, I'm still childless, all my friend's kids are now going into kindergarten, and I'm like, okay, something must be wrong here!

I used an episode I had in January with a cyst to lead me into the whole "infertility" conversation with my doc that I had been avoiding for the last couple of years. We're at the beginning phase of investigating a possible problem. My doc suggested OPKs as a first step but I went with charting. My first chart seemed to pinpoint that I'm ovulating but FF suggests pairing charting with OPKs and checking cm daily. Checking cm?? Now I'm realizing that my cm seems to have disappeared compared to how it was two years ago. I look that up and see the suggestion of preseed.

Now my head is spinning. All these tools, gadgets, and methods that are being thrown in my direction. What the heck! I just want to have a baby not design an aircraft to fly into outerspace!!! Why do I have to go through hours of research to accomplish what my friends and family could do with their eyes closed and hands tied (literally, ).

So now I skim the posts written by women just like me. Some of them saying that there is no medical reason found for their infertility. Now my brain is going into a completely different mode - With all the ovulation sticks, preseed, vitamins, teas, etc ... WHAT AM I REALLY FIGHTING?! Is it truly infertility? Or is it just fate? Is it possible that human life has NOTHING to do with us? That I could jump up and down, do a handstand, and howl at the moon, but at the end of the day, a baby isn't in the equation unless destiny steps in and says that it's now time for Mr. and Mrs. HannahHope's child to be brought into the world?

It's funny, thinking of it that way makes me feel relieved bc now I can take the pressure off of myself and just let things be. But then after a while, I start to feel panicked bc I'm trusting something so important in the hands of the creator, mother nature, mediums, fate (or whatever you choose to call it). Now I feel depressed over losing a sense of control over something that I never had control of anyway. What if "my time" never comes? I feel like a basketcase of emotions here. What's your take on this ladies? Are we fighting infertility or fate?

** Nothing stated here is meant to offend anyone, just wanted to share where my head is in my ttc #1 journey, and looking for anyone who feels the same way or would KINDLY like to share a different opinion on the matter **

 

[Jess137]

I'm sorry I haven't got any advice but I didn't want to read and run. I hope that you are able to get pg either naturally or with help. Lots of

 

[archigirl]

I totally understand what you are saying here (and I appreciate the long rant b/c you have been able to verbalize exactly how I feel too!!!).

I think the same things....science or fate, fate or some new crazy way to DTD, OPKs, etc...?

I am trying all of these things and then people will casually tell me that if the unhealthiest crack addict can get a BFP, then anyone can....that all of these terms and conditions don't matter....

I really have NO CLUE!!!!...

...but then at the end of the day, I still will try all of these things "just in case" right!

 

[HannahHope]

I totally understand what you are saying here (and I appreciate the long rant b/c you have been able to verbalize exactly how I feel too!!!).

I think the same things....science or fate, fate or some new crazy way to DTD, OPKs, etc...?

I am trying all of these things and then people will casually tell me that if the unhealthiest crack addict can get a BFP, then anyone can....that all of these terms and conditions don't matter....

I really have NO CLUE!!!!...

...but then at the end of the day, I still will try all of these things "just in case" right!

I'm glad it's not just me. Sometimes the battle just seems so pointless, especially since the doctors haven't found anything wrong with me. My hubby is so casual about it. He's just like it's going to happen when it's meant to happen and I believe that too, but sometimes I'm like, maybe we're too casual about ttc. A family member of mine got pregnant so many times before she had her daughter that I lost count. What is it about her that made her so much more successful than me? I just don't know if all the extra methods are really worth the effort if in the end it's just not in the cards for me. I just don't know what to do

 

[archigirl]

I know - I told my husband I was going to start a thread about husbands who just don't get it! sometimes I wonder if he feels any emotions about this at all!!!

 

[HannahHope]

I know - I told my husband I was going to start a thread about husbands who just don't get it! sometimes I wonder if he feels any emotions about this at all!!!

Yes! They're so casual about it all but let the doc say that the issue is with them, I wonder if they'd stay so calm cool and collective then. I wish I could remain so nonchalant! Not fair

 

[Tina Bee]

I believe that everything happens in its own time, but ttc is one foe i never thought I'd have to conquer. Its hard to just not do anything and let nature takes its course. This whole process is frustrating. Also i wish my husband was more into ttc. I'd feel more confident through this.

 

[Conina]

It's an interesting thought, and I really do think that any of us only gets pregnant when it's our "time" (as decided by God, fate or whoever etc etc). But I also think it can't hurt to give fate a nudge in the right direction!!

I feel your frustration, however. My mum had 5 kids, 4 of them within 3 and a half years (no twins!!). My sister never seemed to have any problem conceiving. before I started trying, if I thought about it at all, I just assumed it would happen straight away. 8 months later, I'm still trying.

 

[MissJ77]

Hello BnB family,




Now my head is spinning. All these tools, gadgets, and methods that are being thrown in my direction. What the heck! I just want to have a baby not design an aircraft to fly into outerspace!!! Why do I have to go through hours of research to accomplish what my friends and family could do with their eyes closed and hands tied (literally, ).

That made me laugh and I totally agree!

 

[struth]

Reading your post really made me think about this. I have only been TTC since December and so probably have a different take on things just because of that. However, I am also 34 and have been waiting to try for so long (we wanted to create the right circumstances for a child to be born into and for us both to be ready). That makes me see things differently too - not because of age as such but because of the horrid body clock.... tick, tock, tick, tock.

Perhaps because of my age I started using opks and charting almost straight away - or at least when my AF didn't come for some time after BCP (i.e. when I thought that there might be a 'problem'). I figure that using these informs me about my body and my cycles and gives me some control over the situation.

Even if I can't control the final conception part of things (which I guess is the 'fate' element) I can ensure that our chances are maximised each cycle. I can also check whether there is a problem with ovulation or luteal phase which I could then do something about. The way I see it is that if we leave everything to 'fate' then we could miss something that we could intervene on. I truly believe that ignorance is not bliss in these circumstances - if we are ignorant to what is happening in our bodies and there is a problem that could be reversed then we would continue blindly hoping but never getting anywhere.

The other thought I had when reading your post is that we humans are programmed to appreciate more those things that are difficult to attain. So what if we have to use opks, charting, preseed, and so on? Surely using these things shows how badly we wish to have a child of our own and hence when s/he comes along we will appreciate this all the more for having to battle/try harder than the drug addict that fell pregnant by accident.

Nothing good in life is easy. Perhaps fate is testing us to see how badly we want this?

My personal stance - I'm more than happy to use these aids/interventions. If it still doesn't happen, at least I can say that I tried everything. I would rather try and fail than never try at all.


PS - I liked your disclaimed and so pinched it!

** Nothing stated here is meant to offend anyone, just wanted to share where my head is in my ttc #1 journey, and looking for anyone who feels the same way or would KINDLY like to share a different opinion on the matter **

 

[spykey_uk]

I did read the other day that for some people it can be psychological, because we, as women, spend most of our earlier live (teens - early 20s and sometimes beyond) telling our bodies to prevent pregnancy and we do everything in our path to avoid pregnancy.

Then, when we settle down and want a baby, our body is still working on the "prevent a pregnancy" message. So, sometimes, it can be letting our subconscious know that it's time to make a baby, not prevent one!

Then of course, it may just be fate, I don't know! x

 

[wifeyw]

Hello BnB family,

Up until last month, I had a casual approach to ttc. I figured, when I got preggo, I'd get preggo. Sounded like a pretty good plan except five years later, I'm still childless, all my friend's kids are now going into kindergarten, and I'm like, okay, something must be wrong here!

I used an episode I had in January with a cyst to lead me into the whole "infertility" conversation with my doc that I had been avoiding for the last couple of years. We're at the beginning phase of investigating a possible problem. My doc suggested OPKs as a first step but I went with charting. My first chart seemed to pinpoint that I'm ovulating but FF suggests pairing charting with OPKs and checking cm daily. Checking cm?? Now I'm realizing that my cm seems to have disappeared compared to how it was two years ago. I look that up and see the suggestion of preseed.

Now my head is spinning. All these tools, gadgets, and methods that are being thrown in my direction. What the heck! I just want to have a baby not design an aircraft to fly into outerspace!!! Why do I have to go through hours of research to accomplish what my friends and family could do with their eyes closed and hands tied (literally, ).

So now I skim the posts written by women just like me. Some of them saying that there is no medical reason found for their infertility. Now my brain is going into a completely different mode - With all the ovulation sticks, preseed, vitamins, teas, etc ... WHAT AM I REALLY FIGHTING?! Is it truly infertility? Or is it just fate? Is it possible that human life has NOTHING to do with us? That I could jump up and down, do a handstand, and howl at the moon, but at the end of the day, a baby isn't in the equation unless destiny steps in and says that it's now time for Mr. and Mrs. HannahHope's child to be brought into the world?

It's funny, thinking of it that way makes me feel relieved bc now I can take the pressure off of myself and just let things be. But then after a while, I start to feel panicked bc I'm trusting something so important in the hands of the creator, mother nature, mediums, fate (or whatever you choose to call it). Now I feel depressed over losing a sense of control over something that I never had control of anyway. What if "my time" never comes? I feel like a basketcase of emotions here. What's your take on this ladies? Are we fighting infertility or fate?

** Nothing stated here is meant to offend anyone, just wanted to share where my head is in my ttc #1 journey, and looking for anyone who feels the same way or would KINDLY like to share a different opinion on the matter **

I'm sorry that you are feeling this way...But if i were you i would go to GP and ask for more tests if you have been trying for so long they should get to the problem or referred u to FS by now because of the unexplained infertility. Has your DH done any SA? if not i would get that check out right away it might not be on your side. Thats wats happened to me GL and i hope you get your BFP soon hunni xx

 

[Freakycactus]

I'm sorry you're going through this.

I'm on cycle 1 but I'm using OPK's, BBT, checking CM and the position of my cervix, etc so that if there is anything wrong I'll know sooner and I can say to my doctor, "Here's all the information I have", it gives me more knowledge about what my body does every month and you know what they say, 'knowledge is power'.

If there is a higher power then they put the OPKs, BBT's, etc there for us to use. I agree with Struth, I'd rather try and fail than never try at all. This way I know I'm trying as hard as I can.

 

[struth]

I'm sorry you're going through this.

I'm on cycle 1 but I'm using OPK's, BBT, checking CM and the position of my cervix, etc so that if there is anything wrong I'll know sooner and I can say to my doctor, "Here's all the information I have", it gives me more knowledge about what my body does every month and you know what they say, 'knowledge is power'.

If there is a higher power then they put the OPKs, BBT's, etc there for us to use. I agree with Struth, I'd rather try and fail than never try at all. This way I know I'm trying as hard as I can.

Good point about the higher power putting these tools there for us Freakycactus - GL to you!

 

[Freakycactus]

I'm sorry you're going through this.

I'm on cycle 1 but I'm using OPK's, BBT, checking CM and the position of my cervix, etc so that if there is anything wrong I'll know sooner and I can say to my doctor, "Here's all the information I have", it gives me more knowledge about what my body does every month and you know what they say, 'knowledge is power'.

If there is a higher power then they put the OPKs, BBT's, etc there for us to use. I agree with Struth, I'd rather try and fail than never try at all. This way I know I'm trying as hard as I can.

Good point about the higher power putting these tools there for us Freakycactus - GL to you!

Thanks, good luck to you too!

 

[PugLuvAh]

I am taking the 'it'll happen when its suppose to happen' route. But I also started telling myself that I will have the children I am meant to have, when and how I am meant to have them.

I know I will be a mother, but if the natural route isn't my path, there are lots of other options, including surrogacy or adoption that may end up getting me to motherhood. Some options aren't for everyone, but I will get there eventually.

Good luck!

 

[bellahoney]

I so understand your rant op! Your so in my head!! After talking to my doctor and the advice he gave along with the fact I cant take anything...decided to go old school. Cleanse my mind, body and relax. Stay positive, think positive regardless what is thrown your way. God has a plan for all of us. Im in the same boat. Im starting with my health first. Thats the, #1 important. Everything will fall in place especially since there is no diagnosis of your infertility...take that as a good thing and work on you! Relax stay stressfree

 

[readyformore]

Reading your post really made me think about this. I have only been TTC since December and so probably have a different take on things just because of that. However, I am also 34 and have been waiting to try for so long (we wanted to create the right circumstances for a child to be born into and for us both to be ready). That makes me see things differently too - not because of age as such but because of the horrid body clock.... tick, tock, tick, tock.

Perhaps because of my age I started using opks and charting almost straight away - or at least when my AF didn't come for some time after BCP (i.e. when I thought that there might be a 'problem'). I figure that using these informs me about my body and my cycles and gives me some control over the situation.

Even if I can't control the final conception part of things (which I guess is the 'fate' element) I can ensure that our chances are maximised each cycle. I can also check whether there is a problem with ovulation or luteal phase which I could then do something about. The way I see it is that if we leave everything to 'fate' then we could miss something that we could intervene on. I truly believe that ignorance is not bliss in these circumstances - if we are ignorant to what is happening in our bodies and there is a problem that could be reversed then we would continue blindly hoping but never getting anywhere.

The other thought I had when reading your post is that we humans are programmed to appreciate more those things that are difficult to attain. So what if we have to use opks, charting, preseed, and so on? Surely using these things shows how badly we wish to have a child of our own and hence when s/he comes along we will appreciate this all the more for having to battle/try harder than the drug addict that fell pregnant by accident.

Nothing good in life is easy. Perhaps fate is testing us to see how badly we want this?

My personal stance - I'm more than happy to use these aids/interventions. If it still doesn't happen, at least I can say that I tried everything. I would rather try and fail than never try at all.


PS - I liked your disclaimed and so pinched it!

** Nothing stated here is meant to offend anyone, just wanted to share where my head is in my ttc #1 journey, and looking for anyone who feels the same way or would KINDLY like to share a different opinion on the matter **

Very well said! Although I'm not currently ttc #1 anymore, you're absolutely right. I believe that it can help to be proactive instead of 'waiting'. True, sometimes there is nothing that helps when it comes to ttc, but it's better to be your own advocate when it comes to your fertility.

Best of luck to you gals.