Is it just me being mean?

[fairy_gem]

Hi,

Is it just me or does anyone else find it hard when reading/hearing about people trying for their 2nd,3rd,4th,5th and so on children? and how frustrating it is for them to have not conceived?. I can't help but think, you have one already!.

Or is it just me being mean?

I'm aware this may cause offence and i'm sorry, but i am struggling with these feelings and wondered if its just me?. I don't want to upset anyone .

x

 

[sukisam]

I think that's pretty normal and doesn't sound mean. I'm trying for no 4 but I know how lucky I am to have 2 live children with me. So although it is painful and upsetting to ttc for 10 months I do know that I could stop this process and still have my 2 children.
I think you prefectly normal and I'm not remotely offended.
Good luck hun
xx

 

[fairy_gem]

Thanks hun, i'm glad i didn't offend you. I'm really struggling with this right now. Plus, i'm already wishing i hadn't posted this, damn it, theres no delete button .

x

 

[Feemee]

Hey huni
I compleatly understand and it does get to me. But it is still hard fir anyone that's been trying for a while. Good luck for ur bfp xx

 

[FBbaby]

I don't think you should delete this as this feeling is justified. I am ttc for number 3, but 1st one with new partner who is childless, and even though what hurts me most is that he might never become a father rather than me not becoming a mum again, I do remind myself daily how lucky I am that I have the chance to have my two lovely children. I do sincerely feel that I have I have less reasons to be upset than those who are childless.

I think the instinct to compare our situation and feelings with others is only natural and all will have our different reasons to feel more aggrieved though and ladies who are over 40 and for whom the countdown of fertile years is becoming more and more real might not be so sympathetic of those young ttcers thinking that there are lucky to still have so many years ahead of them to try for a baby.

In the end, I think it is always a bit difficult to totally feel what others go through unless we are in the same position and this is why there are different sections on this forum even though ultimately, we are all aiming for the same thing.

 

[MarsMaiden]

I do understand. It is hard to read about someone whose world is falling down around their ears because they are struggling to conceive their Xth child but I am sure they would also be the first to say that they could not imagine the pain of not having a child at all.

Everyone's pain is relative and every person will always struggle with their own trials and tribulations and they will be important to them. I always try to remember that there is no shortage of babies, it's not like there's some mystical limit where someone says OK that's the baby quota full for this year, no more babies for anyone else. I have to say this to myself when I hear the pregnancy announcements too and feel that pang of envy and jealousy and think why isn't it me. My time will come and in the meantime I can only be happy for the women who aren't going through this struggle anymore.

 

[MariaF]

I sometimes go a step further and even feel slightly sorry for the already existing children....But only in cases when the woman who is ttc her Xth child is sounding really desperate and almost depressed about not conceiving.

I think: Does that mean you current children bring you no joy? Can you not just look at them and feel forever greatful for having the? and even if you don't conceive again, you already have this precious gift?

I can completely understand that desire for a new newborn baby, but when it becomes an obsession for a womam who already has kids, Im afraid I can't understand that....

 

[raf-wife]

i have nothing but complete sympathy for people struggling tc there first child and agree that nhs funding should be for childless couples first, i have been trying tc my second child for 8 yrs if our self funded ivf is successful the child would be my husbands first biological child but his 2nd in every other sense of the word he has been my daughters father for 9 yrs and it is seeing him as a dad to her that has given me the desire i have for another child he is such a wonderful dad and our daughter would love to have a brother or sister, i count my blessings every day that i had my child when i did because my tubes were damaged during surgery a year after i had her i have left it to nature all these yrs and we have just decided to try ivf because i dont want to look back in 15 yrs time and feel i should have given it a go

wishing you all the best of luck ttc

 

[fairy_gem]

Thanks ladies.

I just want to add that i'm not saying these families should not have further children, but that i can't understand why when they have problems ttc this child they express how desperate they are, etc, when they already have a child/children. However i know this does not include everyone.

I do think that the pain and upset of ttc is far greater for someone who is childless.

As for young ttcers and women in their 40's, i have mixed views here. Fertility does not get better with age, we know this, so if a family is what you want, why leave it so late, however if you are still trying for your first in your 40's and you first started ttc earlier on, this is different, its not through choice. Again i understand this does not apply to everyone.

Also, i do think its different when a partner is involved who does not have children and therefore you are trying for their first even if other children are involved.

I just think when ttc xth child, it should be remembered how lucky and blessed you are to have even just one.


Just my thoughts.

x

 

[crystal443]

Hi,

I'm TTC number 3 and my kids are 12 and 14, I had problems getting pregnant with my other two kids and I do remember the feeling of facing a future without kids and what your saying isn't mean. If I chose to stop TTC at this moment I do still have my two kids, I'm not offended by your post I remember how it feels to have no kids and be going through this process. Good luck and I hope your BFP comes quickly!!

 

[JaniceT]

It's entirely normal to feel down or angry or sad. The stress that you go through TTC, is a very enormous weight on your shoulders. It takes a lot of energy, mind and body to go through it, just to have one child.

I TTC for several years and used to get really frustrated at why child abusers and incompetent women who murder their children pop out babies like rabits.. while I had to put myself through all types of medication to try for one.

Just take one day at a time, some days are better than other days. With focus and determination, you'll have your dreams come true

 

[fairy_gem]

Thanks everyone for all your kind words. x