Is it just me or is the 1st trimester the most undermined trimester?!

[icegurl470]

Rant alert. It didn't bother me during my first pregnancy, but for some reason with this pregnancy it really bothers me how people undermine the first trimester of pregnancy. Maybe it's because I already have a baby, it seems more real to me? I'm not sure, but when I told my sister I was pregnant her boyfriend was like "well you don't know for sure yet" and when I told my boss that I probably wouldn't want to travel because I'll be really pregnant by then he made a comment like "well it's still early, anything could happen". Even my daycare lady told me "not to make any plans yet."

I get it. I could have a miscarriage. My baby could die. The chances of that happening are the highest in the first trimester. I know! That doesn't mean that I'm not pregnant. And if you want to be really technical about it I could make it all the way to the end of the pregnancy and have a stillbirth! But no ones gonna say stuff like that to a 9 months pregnant lady! Why is it okay to make comments like that now? I feel like those comments are bad juju and are only okay for me to say. I know the risks, making comments like that is just not necessary. I know my baby is just a tiny curled up mass of cells right now, but the child I feed and snuggle with everyday at home was once a tiny curled up mass of cells too!

If anything, woman should be given the most credit during the first trimester. Some of the most crucial developments are taking place and your symptoms are often the most severe. On top of all that, most people don't even know you're pregnant! Your having to deal with all these symptoms silently and sometimes try to hide the fact that your trying not to puke or sneak crackers into your mouth when no ones looking. I swear if one more person says anything negative about my pregnancy I'm going to snap!

 

[Embo78]

Well said hun. Agree completely

 

[CoralInGold]

Totally agree!!

 

[CertainTurton]

Absolutely agree! Its so hard. I wassaying to someone at toddler group how tired I was today after working 2 days and a bad night and she was looking at me like 'get over it' and I just wished I could yell 'and im growing a baby! '

 

[jlw617]

I completely agree! You made a good point about people not saying anything like that in the 3rd trimester, sadly I believe it's this thinking (people seem to almost and some definitely do believe it's not really a life) that make it ok to have an abortion...I'm not trying to cause any problems with that statement but I belive if people would view life as life from the very beginning because that's what it absolutely undeniably is then I think abortion numbers would decrease.

 

[mybabydreams]

Here here!! Couldnt have put it better myself! First tri is the scariest, most tenuous and uncertain time of the whole nine months, yet we have to act to all intents and purposes as if the baby doesnt yet exist! Xxx

 

[Dill]

Couldn't have said it better, myself! I agree 100%.

 

[ClaireJ23]

I'm the opposite in some ways. In my own mind, it doesn't feel real yet. I'll be happier after the scans. I'm the one saying 'we don't know for sure yet', 'anything could happen' and 'don't make any plans'.

The only people that know are DH, the midwife and my parents. DH is already rearranging his social life (it's the rugby World Cup here) based on my expected due dates and has picked out some possible new cars. But I'm the one saying 'don't change your plans yet'.

The midwife at my booking in appointment started discussing birth plans and I felt like saying 'anything could happen' and although unlikely it could even be twins. It's just so uncertain at this point and I don't want to get too overexcited just in case. I guess that's quite negative really.

 

[jamiemcbride1]

Well said !!! 100% agree with u people should min there own !

 

[Xuxa]

So agree with you!!! And now that for the first time i am going through a tough time in a pregnancy, I am still happy I have told people so early about my baby. Should anything happen, it's not like I am going to pretend he didn't exist... 1st trimester is so important!! and yes, we should be given more credit for growing these little humans. Well said!

 

[nmpjcp2015]

I'm the opposite in some ways. In my own mind, it doesn't feel real yet. I'll be happier after the scans. I'm the one saying 'we don't know for sure yet', 'anything could happen' and 'don't make any plans'.

The only people that know are DH, the midwife and my parents. DH is already rearranging his social life (it's the rugby World Cup here) based on my expected due dates and has picked out some possible new cars. But I'm the one saying 'don't change your plans yet'.

The midwife at my booking in appointment started discussing birth plans and I felt like saying 'anything could happen' and although unlikely it could even be twins. It's just so uncertain at this point and I don't want to get too overexcited just in case. I guess that's quite negative really.

claire - I'm like this too. but I totally agree with the OP. it's really not necessary to make comments like that, and it can be really hurtful especially when you're the one feeling the effects of the pregnancy.

 

[ClaireJ23]

Yeah, I wouldn't like it if others were saying it in a tactless way. That's why I've not told too many people. Some people just say what they are thinking. I wish that the people that do know about my pregnancy would share some of my worries though.

 

[aPharmD]

Omg couldn't agree more!! I had a MMC at 12 weeks when I thought I was in the clear with a lovely strong heartbeat. I like to be prepared for things! I can and I will start making plans for future baby. And I know all too well what the risks are.

 

[spunky84]

Very well said and completely agree!

I agree that the only person that's really allowed to say that is you. Quite frankly I think it's horrible and absolutely rude for anyone else to say. I'm sure they wouldn't like someone saying it to them.

Yes, you're pregnant! And yes, anything can happen! Yes, first trimester is the highest risk for miscarriage. But it doesn't change the fact that you're pregnant, and if something does happen, it's outside your control. And if something did happen, it doesn't mean that you weren't pregnant nor does it mean you don't have the right to grieve.

I told everyone about the baby at 9 weeks, which is early to me. I was scared to death because I felt like I was giving up control (that I never had in the first place). I've been fortunate in that if I voice my concerns or worries, all I hear from others is to have faith.

Anything can happen any time during pregnancy. Hell, anything can happen AFTER pregnancy. Nothing in life is certain and that's scary as hell, but we can't live our lives living on edge thinking about what bad things can happen. It doesn't mean we don't worry, but we can't live our lives thinking something will.

I think first trimester is the absolute hardest. It's an emotional and physical roller coaster. Sometimes you aren't ready to tell, and it makes it so hard to get through (when I thought I had a blighted ovum, I felt like my heart was being torn to shreds holding my newborn niece - no one knew what was really going on inside other than DH and my mom).

I think we need to start coming up with excellent responses to such rude comments. Maybe then people start realizing what a crappy thing it is say and maybe then these types of comments will start dying down.

 

[babifever]

I totally agree with the OP. As well as I understand the comment about feeling like its not real etc. However I think once you get a scan, hear a heartbeat, it becomes very real.

I had a experience myself at the very beginning. I was pissed, hurt and shocked! So I went to the high risk doctor. I was referred there for medication management because I'm type 2 diabetic and my sugars had been high. I hadn't been able to take my medication because it was giving nausea. First they gave me a ultrasound. The Tec said all she seen was the gestational sac. But it was normal with how far along I was - around 5 weeks, she says based on my LMP. She said no sign of pregnancy in tubes and the sac is in the right spot. Okay, so the doctor then comes in and he's like " there's nothing I can do for you at this point because I'm not even sure if your pregnant, all we see is a sac, and if you are pregnant I'm not sure it will be successful". I'm like " Well if I'm around 5 weeks is there anything else you should see on the ultrasound, should I be worried". He says "sometimes yes, sometimes not, it's really early and I can't really say if you should be worried, I can't say everything is fine at this point either". So I'm like "okay so in the mean time what am I suppose to do about my high blood sugars, I've changed my diet, I'm walking twice daily, only drinking water, I can't take the meds anymore its making me sick". He's repeatedly says " I dont know what to tell you, I'm not medicating you when I don't even know if your pregnant, you need to speak with your primary and have them get your sugars under control, they should have already been under control before you even got pregnant, I'll see you in two weeks". He kept saying " I dont even know of your pregnant", straight faced, no compassion, kept cutting me off too. I walked out without even scheduling a follow up. Needless to say when I went to my primary, they wouldn't treat me either! They DON'T treat pregnant women (at any gestation). WHAAAT!

Anywho, it was then when I realized that during 1st trimester your at the bottom of the pole. I just read that pregnancy isn't technically viable untill 24 weeks. To me, I'm carrying a viable baby right now! Its crazy how people think.

Although, naturally I will feel more in tune once I start showing and feeling movement.

 

[jlw617]

Wow babifever! I would certainly be getting a new ob! How awful for you to deal with that! Id also get on multiple medical review sites and let others know about your awful experience!

 

[babifever]

Anything can happen any time during pregnancy. Hell, anything can happen AFTER pregnancy. Nothing in life is certain and that's scary as hell, but we can't live our lives living on edge thinking about what bad things can happen. It doesn't mean we don't worry, but we can't live our lives thinking something will.

Yesss⬆⬆⬆⬆

 

[babifever]

Wow babifever! I would certainly be getting a new ob! How awful for you to deal with that! Id also get on multiple medical review sites and let others know about your awful experience!

he was actually apart of a maternal fetal group. Now I see a different doc in the group. I called and complained the next day. I was so pissed. Now I see a specialist and my regular ob, which is a lovely. She's actually a D.O and new in the game

the senior doctor at my regular ob apologized for like 30 mins on the buttholes behalf. I should have took it further, but just didn't have the energy at the time. The senior doc also told me a story from about 20 years ago. He said he was working at a extremely busy ER, going on a 20 hour (or something like that) shift. He said a lady came in who was pregnant complaining of stomach pains. He was like believe it or not alot of pregnant women come in lying just to get ultrasounds. He said he was extremely rude to her. Dismissing her complaints. He said he even said to her " you just want a damn ultrasound". He said he was just tired and being a asshole, and assumed she was lying or it was nothing. Well just as he was about to discharge her, instinct told him to check another element. I can't remember exactly what it was, but something raptured. He had to do immediate surgery. She lost the baby and almost died. He said he felt awful and from that day or he promised he would take every patient compliant serious and have empathy with each and everyone. He said as a doctor alot of them forget to do this, especially after they've been doctors for a well. I was like woooooow!

and too bad there are no restrictions/policies on attitude and being personable, not rude. There's alot of sucky doctors! Degrees dont matter to me if your not sincere and if you don't listen.

even when I complained about the doctor, they agreed their policy was not to treat unless the pregnancy was viable by a heartbeat. They apologized for his attitude but that's it. Like I told the office manager, there's a better way to talk to people and explain things. He was out of line.

 

[icegurl470]

Thanks ladies, I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way. Maybe because I come off really laid back and care-free people think it's okay, but I just don't think it's proper to make comments hinting to the morbid fact that I may have a miscarriage, just because it's the first trimester. Especially when it's said really casually, like it's no big deal, and not like "God forbid" or "not to jinx anything but.." etc.

When my boss said it, for example, I didn't know how to respond and it made me really uncomfortable. I don't want to assume the worse is going to happen and plan to go to this conference, because to me that's just bad juju and really insensitive on his part. There was an awkward silence and I just said "yea.." lol. And my sister's boyfriend?! like the 1st trimester doesn't even count?! Tell that to my immune system jerk.

People just don't take the 1st trimester seriously. I only told the people I had to tell, close friends and immediate family members. I had to tell work because I work in a lab and cant be around certain chemicals. But if you're excited and you want to tell a bunch of people you should be able to without being deflated or having your parade rained on by morbid comments.

 

[jlw617]

Wow babifever! I would certainly be getting a new ob! How awful for you to deal with that! Id also get on multiple medical review sites and let others know about your awful experience!

he was actually apart of a maternal fetal group. Now I see a different doc in the group. I called and complained the next day. I was so pissed. Now I see a specialist and my regular ob, which is a lovely. She's actually a D.O and new in the game

the senior doctor at my regular ob apologized for like 30 mins on the buttholes behalf. I should have took it further, but just didn't have the energy at the time. The senior doc also told me a story from about 20 years ago. He said he was working at a extremely busy ER, going on a 20 hour (or something like that) shift. He said a lady came in who was pregnant complaining of stomach pains. He was like believe it or not alot of pregnant women come in lying just to get ultrasounds. He said he was extremely rude to her. Dismissing her complaints. He said he even said to her " you just want a damn ultrasound". He said he was just tired and being a asshole, and assumed she was lying or it was nothing. Well just as he was about to discharge her, instinct told him to check another element. I can't remember exactly what it was, but something raptured. He had to do immediate surgery. She lost the baby and almost died. He said he felt awful and from that day or he promised he would take every patient compliant serious and have empathy with each and everyone. He said as a doctor alot of them forget to do this, especially after they've been doctors for a well. I was like woooooow!

and too bad there are no restrictions/policies on attitude and being personable, not rude. There's alot of sucky doctors! Degrees dont matter to me if your not sincere and if you don't listen.

even when I complained about the doctor, they agreed their policy was not to treat unless the pregnancy was viable by a heartbeat. They apologized for his attitude but that's it. Like I told the office manager, there's a better way to talk to people and explain things. He was out of line.

.

Good, I'm glad you said something, and that is CRAZY what happened to your other dr! That's awesome you got a D.O.! I wish I could find one close to where I live. And yes, totally agree about the degrees, you can tell some Drs just let it go to their heads!