Is it normal for a woman who is 8 wks pregnant to suddenly avoid her partner TOTALLY

[Neesham]

We leased this apartment, were supposed to move in together on Dec 30, and had big plans for the New Year and then, all of a sudden, she told me we are moving in on Jan 5 instead and cancelled on the New Year plans saying we should spend time with each others' friends instead. She didn't even call or text me during the New Year. She is my fiance.

In the last couple of weeks, she completely stopped answering my calls, replying to my texts. It's like she completely cut me off her life. It's almost like she dumped me. Both of us have no prior experience with pregnancy, so may be that's why I'm overreacting.

When I pushed her to at least tell me what this was about, she said she is going through mood swings and wants nothing more than friendship at this stage. She doesn't want any emotions. And told me to just treat her like a friend and not a fiance until this phase blows away. And also told me to act as if I had been in that place for a while when we finally move in next week.

I was just worried if she was done with me. I don't mind giving her time alone with her friends, but I had no clue the mood swings were this bad. So, right now, I stopped texting or calling her too. I'm just waiting for her to do that when she feels better but so far I haven't heard from her for days. I don't know where she is staying or with whom. She wouldn't tell me anything.

I just want to help her by absorbing all her mood swings and make her feel better by helping, assisting and serving her, massaging her, cooking her food, do the chores and all but she doesn't even want to see me and won't give me a chance to be helpful. She told me that even her friend felt the same when she was pregnant. Like she didn't want to see her husband at all.

So, my questions are the following. Please help me out here as I have not idea about the mood swings and I'm really concerned here:

1. Is it normal for some women to want to completely avoid their partners during this stage of pregnancy (8 weeks)?

2. How long does it last?

3. The important one. When she does give me a chance to move in, how can I be that 'friend' that she wants me to be? Like what are the changes I need to make in my behavior and relationship? Should I just do whatever she says and leave her alone or offer to help her myself without her asking?

PS: She is 45. This is her first baby through IVF. I'm 27. Not that it matters to us, but just letting you guys know.

Thanks in advance. Really need some advice badly.

 

[SCgirl]

Sounds like she may have been using you. Totally not normal. Around 6-8w my sex drive went into overdrive with both pregnancies- back to nil now though.

I wouldn't move in if she wants to be "just friends "- not fair to you.
Also sounds like she doesn't want any kind of physical contact with you.

It's really odd that she's not answering calls and not spending time with you- doesn't sound good...

Sorry you're going through this!

 

[Miss Bellum]

What a tough situation to be in. I'm so sorry you are going through this. I don’t think its normal to want to cut your partner out of your life to the extent she has. I could understand maybe wanting a bit of space but not wanting to speak to you or see you at all? This sounds more like she wants to break it off but doesn’t want to say so outright.

 

[hanni]

I don't think this sounds normal at all. Yes it's normal to be a bit put off by your partner, sometimes mine can't do anything right and drives me crazy but I would never want him to leave. I agree it does perhaps sound like she may have been using you I really hope this isn't the case.

 

[minties]

Lots of people will excuse this as pregnany hormones and to give her some space, but me? I think she's being a bitch and would NEVER act like this, no matter how I was feeling.

 

[Rei]

I'm by no means a psychology expert or a doctor, but as a pregnant woman the only person I want to be around is my husband. Mood swings does not equal avoidance. Mood swings equal occasional annoyance. For example sometimes my husband just does something to annoy me and I might snap at him and then apologize a few minutes later for being unreasonable (because I was.....THAT'S hormones)
I'm with the other ladies on this one. Sounds like she is using you.

 

[MrsBlueEyes]

I'm sorry that you're going through this! I don't think that is normal at all. I'm the opposite. I want to spend ALL of my time with my hubby and don't feel like socializing with friends at this point because I'm moody/tired/etc. She may just be freaking out about being pregnant. Sometimes people deal with anxiety and worry in different ways. So, I'm not really sure what to do in your position, but I wish you the best of luck!

 

[Peanut112]

I can understand wanting some personal space, and maybe she's more irritated than the usual... But I can't for the life of me justify her cutting you off completely. I'd give her space, and when she's ready to come back. Have a talk with her about how you feel about her being this way. Seems like she doesn't think of you as, or want you to be in the pregnancy together.

All I can say in her behalf is... She may be uncomfortable and moody, trying to figure everything out for herself. Everyone handles stress differently.

I was irritable, uncomfortable in my own body and didn't want much from my man until about 10 weeks. However, I didn't cut him off. There were times that I got so mad that I'd have rather cut him off instead of snapping, but what can ya do!

 

[MummaMoo]

Maybe she'd rather keep you at arms length for a while rather than you witness her "pregnant-hulk" mode!? But I do agree it does seem a bit extreme to be avoiding all contact. I really feel for you - I'd love to be cooked and cleaned for/after!
My OH doesn't have to do much to annoy me at the moment, especially when I'm feeling pretty sick. Just him dancing around winds me up, and when he's chewing gum and he's sat right by me so I can hear it and smell the mint. Urgh. He's been through it with me before so just takes it in his stride if I have to walk away from him or get a bit snappy.

 

[Nibblenic]

In my first few weeks I couldnt stand my OH, didnt want him around and he could do nothing right. However I would never do what shes done to you, as I love him and he certainly doesnt deserve to be treated badly or for me to mess withhis head because im a hormonal crazy person

Now im almost into second try im head over heals in love again. Not that I didnt love him before obviously, just him breathing was an annoyance.

She isnt treating you fairly and to be honest I would demand more answers and respect. Pregnancy isnt a ticket to behave however you want towards people.

 

[Qmama79]

Something else is going on. In the first weeks of pregnancy anxiety, exhaustion & nauseousness can alter your mood, but I wouldn't say to the extend that she would avoid all contact. Given your fiancee's age the risk of miscarriage is high. I wld think she might be very afraid not being able to create a family and child fr you and herself & that's her way of protecting you and herself from too much pain. Just guessing here.
Be a friend & talk about that pink elephant in the room. I had a lot of problems in first trimester & talking about wcs helped us.
Good Luck! I hope you and your fiancee can work things out.

 

[hellojello25]

I'm sorry you are going through this! With that being said, no, that is not normal behavior. My sex drive definitely dropped in the 1st tri (I think we had sex maybe 3 times that whole 12 weeks), but I still wanted to hang out with my BF and be around him...always. And we've been together almost 3 years, so it's not just honeymoon behavior either. I've never just cut him off completely, or slightly, even when my hormones were going crazy and he was annoying me. So that situation doesn't sound good to me at all.