Is it the hormones?

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Second Trimester' started by aley28, Jun 2, 2011.

  1. aley28

    aley28 2 boys & a girl <3

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    Today is my son's second birthday. I posted a little "Happy birthday darling boy! I'm so grateful to be your mother!" on my Facebook. My MIL posts, within seconds, "and I your grandmother!"

    I feel like she does this sort of thing all the time. She tries to steal my mothering moments, and that one REALLY made me grouchy this morning! I'm like, "Helloooo? Can't you just say 'happy birthday' and go on your stupid way? Do you really have to try to make this about you as well?"

    I'm just frustrated. I know she adores my son, and I am glad that she thinks he's wonderful. But sometimes I feel like she places more importance on her title of grandmother than she ever placed on her duties as 'mother' and like she's trying to make up for past mistakes by pushing her mother-bird attitude on me and my son. I feel like she thinks he's his "other mother", when I view her as "JUST" his grandmother, and I get resentful with her because she continually makes me feel like I need to scoot over so she can mother my son as well. It makes me feel like a bad mother and an "in the way" DIL, even though I know I am neither of those things.

    I also feel like getting immediately upset that she posted that on my status was a bit of an overreaction. I just plain didn't respond to it, and I didn't even let myself delete it, though my mouse did hover over the 'x' for a moment...

    Was my upset a stupid, hormonal response or should she have responded with a simple, "Happy birthday, grandson!"? Is my distaste for her plus my hormones clouding my judgement??? :haha: Please be honest! :flower:
     
  2. ciarhwyfar

    ciarhwyfar 3 time Mum

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    I don't really know your relationship to your mil or her to your son or anything but to me what she said sounds fine. I know that I tend to get more upset over things currently that I didn't like before I got pregnant so I can see where you are coming from as well.

    And to be fair, your son is only two and isn't going to be reading facebook so it is kind of all about how you take things that are posted.
     
  3. IHrtSteve

    IHrtSteve Mommy to 2, almost 3 boys

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    I would think she is just being a proud nan. But then again, I don't know her. Our preggers hormones can definitely make us overreact! Mine sure are acting up lately!
     
  4. Broody1976

    Broody1976 Well-Known Member

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    It's crazy hormones - I mean that in a nice way :)

    She may be a bit frustrating but it's nice you have her support, even though you may not always think that!!

    I wish my MIL was that interested in our baby (I know he/she isn't here yet) she couldn't give too hoots.
     
  5. aley28

    aley28 2 boys & a girl <3

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    That's kind of what I figured... I think its something that under normal hormonal conditions would have just made me roll my eyes, click "like" and move on with my life. But instead I've been obsessing about it all morning and even told my computer that she's a cow. :rofl:

    The idea of a proud grandparent is so strange to me. My dad's dad was a really sweet guy, and showed that he cared about all of us and his other grandchildren too... but he lived 12 hours away and we rarely saw him. My mom's mom ... never cared to learn our names, gave us Barbie clothes for Christmas until we were well into our teens, and walked out on my mom the day my dad died. :shrug: So maybe I'm feeling that's she's really clingy and overbearing because I simply don't know what living near grandparents is supposed to be like. :shrug:

    Thanks for the honesty, ladies! Any ideas on how to work on getting past my own childhood miss-outs and learning to just be pleased that she cares?

    And, my relationship with my MIL is very... forced. On my side, at least. I have no idea how she feels about me, and I don't care, really. She's very manipulative and whiney... and negative about most things, and kind of a hypocrite. I'm polite to her because she is my MIL and not getting along with her would not be good for my marriage. But if I knew her in any other setting... she's one of those people that I would go out of my way to avoid. :shrug:
     
  6. Broody1976

    Broody1976 Well-Known Member

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    And that's all that matters - you don't care!! If normally you would just roll your eyes and ignore her but you are pleasant for the sake of your kids and your OH, then it doesn't really matter what your relationship is like.

    You seem like a pretty sensible sort :) it's the hormones making you crazy.

    If she is the type you wouldn't befriend if she wasn't family then I'd carry on the way you are. You don't HAVE to be her friend.

    Hard to advise on getting past your childhood miss outs, I know for me, I'll be focusing on giving my baby lots of hugs and love. My mother, bless her is about as maternal as a turnip. You will be ok though :hugs:
     
  7. firsttimer87

    firsttimer87 First-timer expecting

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    didnt want to r&r so sending you :hugs: hun. I would just carry on with your mil and as for the LO maybe give them some special grandparent time for 1-2hrs a week or something that gives you a chance to do something yourself. That way, mil feels involved, LO gets a relationship with grandparent and you get a couple of 'ME' hrs to yourself. Everyone a winner i think...? Just imo tho xx
     
  8. aley28

    aley28 2 boys & a girl <3

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    So we were at the in-laws tonight after dinner for a bit. I went into their house telling myself, "You know what, she's just being a proud grandma." And for the first time in... two years or so... I actually had an OK time over there. She's still irritating, but its a little LESS irritating if I think about it like that! :)
     
  9. ciarhwyfar

    ciarhwyfar 3 time Mum

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    Good for you! At least you have found a way to accept things you can't change here. :) And it is more healthy for your husband and children as well.
     
  10. keeks1987

    keeks1987 Due baby2 in April

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    Good for you!

    I think i'd be ticked if it happened to me, but it is deffo the hormones x
     

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