Is the pupd/shush-pat technique un-AP?

[ThunderPearls]

My LO is quite bad when it comes to sleep. Each night is different and some nights he will be in bed by 8 some nights not until 1am... He has no routine/regular nap times/lengths and no regular method to get hin to sleep.

When he was a newborn he was fine being held to sleep. Then he went through a phase of hating being held and was happy to just be put down and stroked/lullabyes to sleep... Not hes just a nightmare! One night he will want to be held, the next night holding him makes him angry yet he cries when we put hin down. Pacing for 20+minutes in th sling worked for a few nights and then suddenly he starts thrashing about after 5 minutes in it now and then goes to sleep on his own when I put him down...

I just dont know what to do as I am starting to dread each night not knowing of a sure way to get my boy to sleep!

I wouldnt mind the whole rocking him/ holding him/ feeding him to sleep thing if only it was the same method each night! I love rocking him and holding him and lying with him!

But tonight I decided a good routine and a firm bes time method to be tried.

We did, gro bag, stories, feed and then bed with his projector/lullaby thing on. And then went in every couple of minutes/when he started grumbling. And within 30 minutes and an extra little feeding he was asleep :0 it is the quickest bedtime we have had since he was born!

Is this against the whoke attachment parenting thing? Its not like I am leaving him to cry at all, I never let his grumbles get as far as crying... It seems to work for him (for tonight anyway!)

it isnt going to effect the whole parenting style im trying to go by is it? If its what works for him then theres nothing wrong with it right?

Thanks

 

[Rachel_C]

I don't think there's anything un-AP about it if LO is happy with it. It's not about being stuck together with glue, it's more about your bond so unless you're affecting that, do what works.

However, am I right in thinking he's 5 months old-ish? I wouldn't worry too much about bedtimes and such at that age unless you have a particular need (work maybe?) for him to be in bed and then wake up at a certain time. When you take the "need to go to sleep at 8pm" thing out of it, it becomes a whole lot less stressful all round

 

[Zfbaby]

Im not sure we have a parenting style or at least not a recognised one lol but I know that for us making and sticking to a bedtime routine has been the best thing we ever did. We've made mistakes along the way and had to work out kinks but now lo sleeps through most of the time or at least for 9hrs before waking for a feed. He's 21 weeks.
Louis started out like your lo not really knowing how he wanted to fall asleep and we would try something different most nights. That was the first thing we changed. We decided on a pattern we though worked best for him and we've stuck with it every night no matter what. We've never used a CIO method but did use pupd. As long as you go to him when he does cry I can't see how that can harm him at all. He will know you are there for him but eventually he will start to get into the rhythm of the routine and it will get easier and with less upset. Louis would cry as soon as he was put down and we would do pupd 20 times before he fell asleep. Within a week he was down first time. Now after he has had his bootle and a story we put him in the cot awake and he goes to sleep within a few minutes with just a few head strokes.
If it helps at all this is our routine; he has a bath at 6pm then around 6:30 he is dried, given a massage and dressed. We play music up until the end of gettin dressed. Then he has his last bottle and a story until the first sign of tiredness. We do all of this with his lovie Gary tucked up with him. That has been the biggest and best part of the routine for us. Within 2 weeks of introducing a lovie he has started to self soothe if he wakes, and doesn't cry or get distressed. He simply goes back to sleep.
Once he is down in the cot I sit with him awhile just in case and then I go. If he wakes I give him a chance to go back to sleep himself but if there is any crying I'm up those stairs in a flash.
I know lots of people hate routines but the calm that has been brought to the house and to Louis since we established a routine has been amazing and pupd was a huge part of that.

 

[ThunderPearls]

Thanks both of you

Yeah I am not all bothered about rigidly sticking to.a definite time he must be in bed by as it really depends on his daily naps/feed times. Yesterday he napped quite late so wasnt ready to sleep again until 9.30/10pm whereas today he was getting grouchy for sleep and a feed at 7.30/8pm as his last nap ended around 5.15pm. I really wouldnt mind staying up late with him but its just been him fighting sleep all evening/night for the last couple of months with no definite way to soothe him and he wasnt enjoying it and I wasnt enjoying it.

We did the routine again tonight and again it has worked with zero fuss (aside from him losing his soother inside his sleepbag ) I had originally aimed for the bedtime routine to end at 9 but like I said earlier he was showing signs of being tired earlier than that so I altered it a bit. We had bath at 7.30 then a quick massage as he was getting fussy for feed. Then I fed him and read a few little starwars baby books, then his dad came home and tucked him into bed. He was fussing for a while then wanted more food (so hes had 7oz ebm between 7.45-8.30!) and then dozed off holding my finger through the cot bars

So happy it seems to have worked again tonight! Fingers crossed it continues!

We are also trying to start up a phrase to associate with bedtime. Nothing exciting lol just ' Shhshh It's sleepy-time' and I say this when I put him in his sleepbag and when I put him in the cot and quietly each time he grumbles if I have to go in. It seems to quiet him down with hearing my voice but its not too stimulating like me attempting to sing a lullabye.

Lastnight he slept from 10pm-2am without waking but then had broken sleep from around 3-8am. Im not too fussed about him sttn as I enjoy our snuggly night breastfeeds but I feel bad for his broken sleep where he doesnt need a feed as I think maybe he is uncomfy with wind or something :/ hopefully tonight will be more restfull!

Also cnt wait to get the cot attached like a side co sleeper thing to mKe feeding easier! And also because he keeps rolling into the bars on the side our bed is and the noise wakes him (and me!) up!

 

[Bean66]

I think there is a difference to being routine based and having a bedtime 'ritual'.

My lo was and is harder to get down if overtired. We have a bed time ritual/routine but the time changes depending on naps and how tired she is.

 

[ThunderPearls]

Yeah I think calling it a ritual sounds nicer than a routine, it fits our family more too as we really have no routines for anything at all and never have...

I felt a lot less stressed in the run up to evening time tonight and maybe that also helped him settle too as he wa alseep within 5 minutes of him being put down! No grumbling AT ALL! We did the whole feed, bath, massage, sleepsack, stories, projector/lullaby thing ritual and he was just so calm through it all even though he had been screeching hyperactively right before we started!

I think this works for us and he gets constant cuddles, wrapping, playing all day so I am less worried about it affecting his attachment with me.