Is there anyone who can help me?

[misspriss]

Okay. LO and I have been through a struggle breastfeeding. He was in the NICU for 18 days. He was too small to latch on to my giant boobs with flat nipples, so the nurse gave us a nipple shield and he was able to. I battled with anti-breastfeeding doctors (the doctor actually said that 50-75% of preemie babies couldn't digest breastmilk and could digest formula better!). Struggled for a while of keeping him awake to breastfeed on a schedule to gain weight. Finally he started staying awake, letting me know when he was hungry, eating well, it has been much better.

But these damn nipple shields. I want to be off them so badly. I have been to the lactation consultant. I have talked to his pediatrician. I have tried offering the real breast before we start. I have tried slipping it off in the middle and trying to get him to latch back on the real breast. I have tried pumping first to bring out the nipple. I have tried rubbing/pulling at the nipple to harden it up and bring it out. I have tried breast crawling. I have tried countless positions. I have tried sandwiching my breast. I have tried so much.

On the one hand, I am so glad I am breastfeeding him. On the other hand, I feel so defective that we can't breastfeed without equipment. He gets frustrated with it because they don't stick on all the time and they pull around and he looses suction. It is super hard to breastfeed away from home. I can't NIP because it takes time to line up my boob and assemble the shield, and I am not comfortable waving my boob around that much, and he always latches on and off and fights around with it and spills shields full of milk everywhere.

What sucks the most is that he gets it in there, and he even sucks just a little bit, and it's like as soon as he sucks on it, he freaks out and stops. All I want is for him to suck a few more times enough to get milk to come out. It's not that he can't suck on it, otherwise he wouldn't the first time, it's just - he doesn't want to. I can't make him want to. It breaks my heart that he would rather suck on a piece of silicone than my real nipple.

Lately it is making me really upset, to the point of crying or triggering anxiety attacks. Don't get me wrong I love LO so much, but it hurts me when he stops sucking when he realizes it's my nipple instead of the stupid fake one. I have never felt such a feeling of rejection. I know he isn't really rejecting me, but I can't help but feel that when something we are supposed to be able to do doesn't work that way. I already lost everything I wanted related to his birth, everything. Breastfeeding is the only thing that has been close to successful, but I feel like it just isn't quite successful.

I wanted so badly to be off the nipple shields before I had to introduce a bottle, but it looks like it is not going to happen. I go back to work in 2.5 weeks and I want him to be able to use a bottle with DH before I have to go back instead of waiting until I have to go back. Now I have to go ahead and introduce a bottle to him when he still has never nursed directly on me.

I'm just feeling really down about it tonight. Really down. Any tips or success stories would be appreciated.

 

[MrsWhite]

I'm so sorry, that has to be frustrating and heartbreaking. I know those shields are just a pain. I couldn't stand it. My lactation consultant said when a newborn is introduced to a firmer object than a nipple they imprint on the firmer object and that's why pacifiers aren't recommended....so it's not you, it's just that's what lo thinks IS you. It may take time to get him to take the breast. But if you give up breast feeding for your sanity, don't beat yourself up. The most important thing is a fed baby, happy momma. If you are in tears you aren't enjoying or bonding with your baby the way you deserve to. NOT suggesting giving up, just offering a bit of encouragement that if you do you will still be a wonderful momma for trying so hard. Have you considered pumping and giving that through bottle? At least lo would still be getting all the benefits. Whatever you do, you are doing a great job and your baby is lucky to have a momma who cares so much!!!

 

[misspriss]

It's hard to explain. I love breastfeeding more than anything, but it still causes so much emotional pain for me. I would never, ever, ever give it up. If I have to use the shields forever, I will use the shields forever - but that doesn't mean it doesn't break my heart every time.

I love it, but it is a source of anxiety for me and some depression as well. It is so hard to explain.

As I explained, we haven't tried the bottle yet, but we have to. I will have to pump and give him a bottle while I am at work, which I have to go back to in 2.5 weeks. I think that increases my anxiety. I wanted so much to be done with the nipple shields by the time I went back to work...but no...just something else to add to my stress and anxiety about seeing my precious child for only a few hours a day.

But if it came down to it, I would pump for him. Anything he needs. I would give him precious breast milk at any cost.

 

[MrsWhite]

I felt similarly the short time I had to use the shields, so I do understand that. I felt really anxious and frustrated and emotional when i used them. You are a really dedicated mother for committing to continuing breast feeding with them.

 

[iwantabub]

Huni I am sorry I have no advice ... But I just wanted to say... Your a fantastic mummy... With all your issues and u still are so determined to bf and do what's right for ur lo... Most would have just formula fed and given up... You should be so proud of yourself!

I hope things get a bit easier for u ... But please know.. Your the furthest thing from a failure sweety!

Your a hero for your lo!

Well done xxx

 

[Kellen]

My LO was in the NICU for only 6 days compared to your 18, but we also had to use a shield due to huge breasts, tiny baby and one stubbornly inverted nipple. It was great that she was able to feed at all, but I - like you - felt less of myself because I had to use a shield and couldn't get her to latch without it.

Even though she had successfully fed without it on the left side (which has a normal pointy nipple) she began to refuse to feed without the shield on either side and would cry until I put it on. Then, suddenly, one day she flat refused to feed with it on either side and hasn't looked back since. I don't know why she randomly decided to give up the shield, but she did.

So there is hope that one day your LO will realize that it is actually easier to just go for the breast and give mommy's sanity a rest. She did this after her neck started getting strong enough for her to support it and do tummy time. I hope that your LO will help you out and decide to latch on without the shield.

 

[misspriss]

Thanks so much for the support guys!

At his night feed I didn't bother with it at all (who wants to try new things in the middle of the night?) and it was nice and relaxing and bonding, even with the nipple shields.

This morning I remembered we had some other nipple shields.

We've been using the Medela contact shields in the S size, they seem to be widely preferred on the internet. They are completely smooth and fairly long/tall, so they go far back in his mouth. Part of the problem with my nipples is that they are flat and don't go so far back when we try.

I got some Tommee Tippee nipple shields early on and neither one of us cared for them much. They are thicker on the part that goes on your aerola and not as flexible. The actually nipple part is shorter and has large "vent" holes in it, which makes it hard for LO to keep suction unless he sucks it into his mouth, more like a nipple. At the time that is what attracted me to the shields but they were too hard for him to suck in when we tried them before (he was quite young). They are noticeably shorter than the Medela ones and he has to really suck it in instead of it just going into his mouth and working. It is harder for him and requires more work but I think it may help because it requires him to suck it in to work, more like a nipple, unlike the Medela ones, that just sit there in his mouth.

Anyway I let him eat for a while with the easier shield this morning so he wouldn't starve if he had issues and so he wouldn't be so angry and ravenous if he had to work for it, and then switched over. He had some difficulty at first but soon was sucking in much more breast and drinking quite well. I hope it may help. We are going to use this shield today, going back to the easier one if he is still having trouble, and do that for a day before we try the bare breast again. We both got pretty upset last night trying the real breast and I want to give it a rest.

 

[sarahh]

I understand exactly where you are coming from. I use nipple shields and about a month ago I was desperate to wean lo off them. I felt like I was under pressure from health visitors and mostly from myself. Every feed became a battle and I felt rejected that she wouldn't latch onto me. We were both getting worked up so I decided to give myself and lo a break. I've decided to not try to wean her off anymore and I feel alot better about it. I still offer her it bare occasionally but have the shield ready and just pop it on when she refuses.
I remember feeling like I would never be able to nip but I use 2 tops so I lower bra and 1st top, put lo to breast height and bring my top top up with baby hiding everything I then pop the shield on and get lo latched. (I don't bother inverting the nipple shield I just pop it over nipple when it's a bit wet so it sticks on). She does spill milk everywhere so I put a small towel over her shoulder at home or use a bib when nip.
As pp said its not anything that you are doing wrong our los just think that milk comes out of the nipple shields and not bare nipples.
Your doing a great job, I hope you can feel better about it soon.

 

[IrelandsOwn]

I've had a really hard time breastfeeding and my latest lactation consultant (I've seen four) recommended (amongst other things) lots of skin to skin. She told me, and it made sense, that it's hard to love your baby so much but have him or her cause you pain (in my case) or in your case "reject" you. She recommended four hours a day to get that oxytocin going and I have to say it really helped us feel much more bonded and it made me produce a LOT more milk. All I can advise is keep offering the breast. I've seen other threads here about babies who had a hard time weaning off shields and it can be done. Whatever you do, you've done amazingly well to breastfeed for so long so don't beat yourself up about it

 

[misspriss]

Well, the shorter nipple shields didn't work out. He got good at drinking from them, but I could not keep his bottom lip curled out correctly, where with the Medela ones it is always right, so I guess there may be something to it.

He recognizes the nipple, he will open up and try to latch on to it, he just doesn't suck once it is in there. I will give it time. I keep telling myself when his mouth gets bigger it will work better. He is only 3 weeks adjusted anyway, even though he is 9.5 weeks old. I just really wanted to be off them before I had to go back to work.

Thanks so much everyone for all your support!!