Is there such a thing as a 'good' age gap?!

[Mrsmac02]

My DS is 15 months and DH and I have started talking about TTC.

I've got some weight to lose before we TTC #2 anyway so we won't start straight away but it got me thinking about the potential age gap.

If you have more than one, what's the age gap? I know it'll be tough, but do you wish you'd waited/tried earlier?

If I got pg right now, DS1 would be nearly 2. Is that mental?! He's already utterly barmy so I'd defo have my work cut out! X

 

[MummaMoo]

People will come up with pros and cons with both big age gaps and small.
We're looking at having approx 2years between DD and #2, all being well. There's 18months between myself and my brother and we got along fine, but my oh was 5 years younger than his brother and he has nothing but bad memories from his childhood and he barely has a relationship with his brother... obviously I'm not saying that all siblings with large age gaps would be like that!
It could be harder with two little ones to start with, but then they'll grow up together and be like best buddies. The toddler could be more helpful, wanting to play a role in looking after their baby brother or sister....?

 

[Pearls18]

I think you can make any age gap work and what is deemed a good age gap for one family won't necessarily be for another, for us 3 years was a good gap for many reasons that perhaps wouldn't be important to another family, but that's not to say it's the best gap for every family! When we were deciding we weighed up the short term: money, when I could return to work, what the baby days would be like and the long term of what we deemed a good age gap for potential play mates, actually for us the short term benefits were more important than the long term but also from personal experience of the age gap, we always knew this would be our preferred gap even before having our eldest. But that's personal to us, you have to figure our what you would like for your family short term and long term

 

[aidensxmomma]

I have three children. There's a 16 month age gap between my oldest and my middle and then a 2 1/2 year age gap between my middle and my youngest. When I have another, there will be at least an 8 year age gap between my oldest and future youngest and a 7 year age gap between my second child and my future youngest. Hopefully that made sense. I plan on having two more children with a 2-3 year age gap between them.

I like the age gap between my first two kids. They are best friends, but they also argue quite a bit which I'm not sure has much to do with their age gap and more to do with their personalities. The age gap between my second and third children I liked even better, though. It was less stressful for me overall with my first two children being older and more self-sufficient. Unfortunately, I did not get a lot of time with my youngest, so I do not know how that age gap would have worked out over the last three years. I am very curious to see how the big age gap works out.

I don't think there's any "good" age gap though. A lot of it depends so much on your children's personalities, your parenting style, and just what's going to work for your family. I'm 2 1/2 years older than my brother and we get along great and are friends. My ex and his younger sister are 2 1/2 years apart and don't get along at all while him and his older sister are five years apart and have a great relationship. I don't really think there's any way to tell how it's going to be either. It's just going to be whatever you think that will work best for your family.

 

[Mrsmac02]

Thanks for your thoughts ladies! I guess I am thinking about things like the discounted childcare after 3, the length of time I need to be back at work before I can claim maternity pay again and the length of time it's going to take me to get to a more healthy weight. I think I might be being unrealistic to think I'll be ready in 3 months (which is what we'd originally planned before DS was born), mainly because of my weight (I'm 4 stone overweight and there's no way I could cope with a toddler and a pregnancy when I'm this unhealthy).

I think I have some work to do! Xx

 

[Pearls18]

The maternity pay and childcare situation was a big factor for us, it was lovely DS1 being able to remain in nursery a couple days of week due to the free hours when I was on maternity leave as it gave him some normality in a changing time and me some time alone with baby, then it obviously meant we had a bit of a discount when I returned to work and we'll only be paying for 2 in childcare for a year as I wanted to stay in the work place. It would have been a bit trickier financially with a 2 year gap for us. I definitely appreciated the break between pregnancies as well.

 

[Mrsmac02]

That was pretty much my thinking too marineWAG. I get childcare vouchers through my employer and apparently they'll continue to pay them when I'm on statutory and nil pay so that's a big bonus x

 

[Eleanor ace]

There is 21 months between my LO's and I really like it. I would ideally have gone for similar again but we will probably (hopefully, all going well) have 3 years between DD and number 3 (if DH agrees to number 3!) for a few reasons. I worry that the big age gap will make it harder for them to play together but I hope that it will make things a bit easier in the early days.

 

[wishuwerehere]

I have 4 years, I would have liked smaller but I was finishing studying then wanted to work for a while. They do love each other but I have to say now dd2 is mobile my older daughter has an awful lot of non baby friendly stuff which is hard hard work, and it's been more of a jump than I thought going back to nappies and sleepless nights. All being well we'd like a 2.5-3 year age gap to our next baby, which will give us the free childcare hours fo dd2 when I go back to work, but not quite such a big gap! It has been nice being on mat leave whilst dd1 started school though, as it means I've been able to go to all her little assemblies and stuff, not that that's a particularly compelling reason on it's own!

 

[Pearls18]

Oh that's so true, it's so much harder to baby proof a house with an older child, I can't believe how many little bits his toys have and how he will leave food lying around the place and stair gates open argh!

 

[wishuwerehere]

Tell me about it! it's craft stuff here, issy traipses sequins round the house which are obviously very appealling to a baby...i'm not going to lie i have found a few in her nappy :/ i suppose if you had more than 2 you'd encounter that problem anyway even if you had 18 month gaps.

 

[Pearls18]

Tell me about it! it's craft stuff here, issy traipses sequins round the house which are obviously very appealling to a baby...i'm not going to lie i have found a few in her nappy :/ i suppose if you had more than 2 you'd encounter that problem anyway even if you had 18 month gaps.

Yeah I imagine it's unavoidable unless you have twins!

 

[Mrsmac02]

Oh gosh, I can well imagine the sparkly nappies! Lol x

 

[ttc126]

My two will be 16 months apart I'm excited and think it will be good for us, however I'm exhausted right now. I have very difficult pregnancies and while this one is easier than ds1's pregnancy, I'm finding myself a lot more tired. With some of the issues I had in 1st pregnancy, it was actually recommended to me to get pregnant sooner rather than later.

We originally thought we'd take awhile to get pregnant again, but it was pretty much our first month that we really really ttc rather than ntnp. It's been good this time, but I think we're going to need a bit more time between 2&3 Just so I will be a bit stronger and healthier.

I think it's great to make sure you're in great shape and I think whichever age gap you end up with you're already a great mom

 

[i want it all]

We have 2 years 5 months and that was so hard! We're waiting until ds is turning 3 before we try for no 3. I'm not saying that is going to be any easier, but I'm hoping my boy has a little bit of sense by then! Lol!