Is this polite?

[Lazy Leo]

I have to say that whilst it is a bit rude I can understand why people say it - many people aren't delighted at their pregnancy and rushing in and giving them a huge hug and telling them how chuffed you are for them when they aren't happy or are still in shock themselves can also get you into a lot of trouble.

I have to say that if it was me and I wasn't sure how the woman felt about the pregnancy then I'd ask if she was pleased not if it was planned which is entirely tactless to say the least (but I'd probably still offend lol).

 

[bloodbinds]

Now, you see, i don't think that is a rude question.

Mostly because mine wasn't planned.

I think it's more likely people will ask if it if you're quite young and not married.

So when people ask me that, i'm not surprised, and i shake my head and tell them i'm that 0.1% of women on the pill that get preggers.

I don't think the question should be taken too seriously, as people don't want to grin and say congrats if actually you're planning to get rid of it, or not happy about it.

 

[Jessa]

I was asked this as well by a few people. I definitely thought it was a rude question. I may be young (26), but I've been married for almost two years and the baby was indeed planned. My response is always, "Of course! You know me....I plan EVERYTHING!".

 

[Seraphim]

I think as bloodbinds pointed out, it depends on your circumstances.

In my situation it is a very loaded enquiry (depending who it's coming from).

I've been married for 8 years and with hubby for 10 - so in my place of work, to ask if it was planned is really only asking 'How loyal are you to this company'.

We are very very lucky women that we have the laws in place to protect us - but even they don't cover everything. When I joined this company with an established marriage, I learnt what it meant to be evaluated on my chances of reproducing, and what it felt like to be perceived as a 'walking womb'. Many firms just avoid taking you on in the first place. So in that context, it can be extremely dangerous to ignore the casual nature of these kinds of comments. For me, to give an answer either way is condoning a judgement.

However, I do accept some people are curious, and others are down right nosey

 

[snugglebot]

We are very very lucky women that we have the laws in place to protect us - but even they don't cover everything. When I joined this company with an established marriage, I learnt what it meant to be evaluated on my chances of reproducing, and what it felt like to be perceived as a 'walking womb'. Many firms just avoid taking you on in the first place. So in that context, it can be extremely dangerous to ignore the casual nature of these kinds of comments. For me, to give an answer either way is condoning a judgement.

I hear ya Seraphim, I am working in a very similar company and am stressing about the day I have to tell them... I think avoiding the "was it planned" question is very wise thinking about it now...they will read into it otherwise...hmmm thanks!

 

[tasha41]

Get used to it A lot of people ask. I guess I understand WHY they ask but no, I don't think it's the most polite thing in the world to ask a person really. Planned or not, if you're telling people, you're keeping that baby and it doesn't matter anymore! lol

 

[princess_bump]

i would have thought for me, it was bloody rude! maddi was well planned, and we were trying for 9months before we got our but i wouldn't have cared if she wasn't! people should just say congratulations! and if you choose to continue on to how you feel about your pregnancy thats your business! x x

 

[Dream.A.Dream]

Personally i find it a little bit rude to ask that question if they aren't a close friend. Maybe it might be more acceptable a little while after they've congratulated etc if they're genuinely curious but as a first comment i find it rude xx

 

[puppycat]

I've been asked this by everyone and it hadn't really occurred to me to be offended.

My mother phrased it 'was it an accident' which did upset me, given that a baby may be a happy accident but I'd never phrase anything in this way.

I have said no it wasn't planned, how can you plan when to get pg? However I don't think it is anyone's business either way.

 

[elainegee]

I finally told people yesterday my news and was suprised that i didnt get asked that question, i actually found myself telling people that it was a suprise pregnancy etc but no one cared! I feel if you have planned a pregnancy you would take more offence, as you may have been trying for years before finally getting that + and then to tell someone and get a 'was it planned' is like a slap in the face. x

 

[Kimboowee]

I've been asked this too, several times. Funnily enough by people that i don't actually know that well! They need slaps!

 

[aimee-lou]

Yep rude, is it any of their business anyway!! Next time just say 'were you?'

Ha ha! I love it! Will have to remember that one!

 

[LoveTypeThing]

I actually haven't been asked this question very much, only by very close family members, but it does not bother me. I agree with what someone else said that this is how they are feeling out whether to congratulate, etc. I think phrasing "was it an accident" is rude, but just asking whether planned does not bother me.

 

[Jolinar]

I've been asked and it doesn't bother me but then I do have rhino hide

 

[maddiwatts19]

no i dont think your overreacting, i'd be the same xx

 

[Expecting2]

Wow that person needs to be slapped lol..I think that is so rude !!!! My family didn't even ask me that...it really is no ones business whether it was or wasn't...I don't think they realize they are questioning a miracle lmao...That's like asking if winning the lottery was expected lol

 

[kellysays2u]

When I first told everyone I was pregnant I was always asked if the dad was my partner... I was like ummm???? YES! I was furious about this question. I may be young but that doesnt mean I am sleeping around! Made me furious...

 

[Duffy]

Wow rude, I would have said non of your business!

 

[puppycat]

So I had the BEST response ever last night from my DIVORCED aunty (dad's sister):

'I wish you got married first - just tell me it was planned and i'll be happy for you! How long have you been with OH?'

I couldn't even reply because I was too angry!!

What difference does it make if it WASN't planned?! Will I not have a baby if I didn't plan this? Will it be some form of alien/ Will she not love it the same????

How many of you girls are married? Does it matter overly? I think not. The fact that she's divorced herself is hypercritical, is it not?

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

 

[aimee-lou]

Thanks for all the replies girls. I thought maybe my hormones were making me sensitive. This girl has a habit of 'speaking as she finds' but sometimes that's not the done thing. I think she could have phrased it a little better or just been polite and just said, 'oh ok' rather than being so rude about it. She's been funny with me since although I asked her in an email to keep it quiet and she said she would and that she wouldn't start knitting yet in case it's triplets....that's more like it!

Anyway, I'm over it now. i'm more worried about people guesing! lol