It's been 2 years

[Croc-O-Dile]

Since my angel grew his wings. I didn't realize how upset I was going to feel today. I think it's because this is my first year that I'm accepting it and being open about it and because I have an earth baby to compare it to now, kwim? I wish I had my two babies instead of one. I wish I knew why Kenley wasn't with me. I wish I hadn't waited so long to grieve for my angel. But I can't do anything about that now.

Hopefully it's nice today so I can take Livi down to the park and let off a balloon for him. I have a blue candle that I'll light for him as well.

This is good, I guess, that I'm feeling this way. It means I've started to accept it and heal, right?

Last year was much different. I was with FOB (Livi's, not Kenley's) and we went down to the beach. He didn't know why, obviously, but I drew wings in the sand. I watched the waves wash them away, which was too much symbolism than I could handle and just started bawling. FOB had no idea what was going on and I asked him to take me home. Two days later, on November 23rd, I found out I was pregnant with Olivia. To this day he still thinks it was just erratic hormones.

I'll take pictures if/when I let off the balloon and when I light the candle.

Fly high, baby. Mommy's always loved you.

 

[aviolet]

I am so sorry for your loss but you are right - these emotions show your path to healing. it is never too late to grieve. hugs and thoughts to you, please do post pix, would be lovely to see

 

[dizzy65]

 

[newmommy23]

honey I totally understand. today is what was Eden's due date....it would have been her first birthday. to you....stay strong hun. we have so much in common, even the sad parts....we'll be ok we just have to stay strong. it's harder this year with Molly than it was last year alone, but at the same time its comforting too....their older siblings are watching over them and always will be!