its been a really rough week....

[kasey590]

my grandfather lost his year long battle with cancer on saturday at lunch time. i have 11 weeks to go and we were hoping he could hold out to meet his first great grand child but he had a second seizure and he slipped into a coma.

i really have no idea what im doing at the moment. i sorta feel like im just floating through life now. im trying to stay strong and not stress for the baby but its getting hard. yesterday an over the top bill arrived in the mail, it was a complete mess up on there part so we dont have to pay it but i just had a break down. i spent the day on the couch an absolute mess in tears. my family are trying to protect me and ive not been apart of the funeral preparations because they dont want me to stress but its still getting to me as i feel even more useless.

my dad and i have never gotten along very well and arent very close at all due to his ex wife causing problems and not wanting me around and him bieng dumb enough to stay with her. he is working in uganda at the moment and he got on the plane at 5am saturday morning, pop passed away at lunch time and his plane still didnt get in till after midnight on sunday morning. hes taking it really hard. i havent had contact with him since before i fell pregnant and the last convo we had i told him i never wanted to see him again and to stay away from me because he was going back to his ex who then left him a few months later when she had used him for his money. they have 4 kids together i am not allowed to see because she hates me.

i am supposed to be writing a letter to my pop to be cremated with him but i have no clue what to say. im so on emotion overlode right now i dont know where to begin. i always had in my mind the time i would introduce him to my baby girl and ill never get that moment now. he'll never meet her and it kills me so much.

im sorry to be a downer and i havent even started using the 3rd tri forum properly yet but i needed to put this out there, i cant talk to my friends because its too close to home and im trying to put on a brave face for my family. i need to get this out and not have there be consequences like there would be if i told friends or family. i dont want people thinking im fragile even though i am. i havent slept properly and i feel like im slowly going nuts.

im sorry ladies i just needed to put this out into the universe somewhere
xo

 

[lexi88]

BIG BIG HUGS!
Wish i knew what to say but i have no idea.
your pops will be looking down on you and will see you baby girl (thats MY opinion n e way).
Again im so sorry your going throught this
take things easy and if u want to help out with funural things and think u can do it then just say to ur family.
The letter idea sounds lovely.. have a nice hot bath make a cuppa sit there with pen n paper and just write what comes into your head.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[trumpetbum]

You're bound to feel a bit lost at the moment. Take your time to deal with the initial grief. The raw unbearable feeling will subside little by little although you will miss him in some way every day, always. Remember that he will be around you and so proud of your LO. I'm so sorry for your loss.

 

[Dolly.]

so sorry for your loss
really don't know what to advise other than stick with your family and use them as a support, that's what they are for. I have lost 2 grandparents in the last 5 years and it is very hard seeing your family so upset, but it does get easier. Im having my grandad's name as my son's middle name, there are different ways to remember those we love Stay strong xxx

 

[snoopchick82]

Hun i am so sorry to read this what you are going through is hard...
I have lost my step dad and granddad and OH's granddad in the space of 4 years..
With my step dad i wasnt involved with his funeral as i was in Cyprus when he passed and i felt pushed out i needed to feel involved i know this isnt the same situation as i wasnt pregnant and didnt have the hormonal side of things.
The letter is such a good idea i wrote me Step dad a letter and i still do when its his birthday it makes me feel like im still involving him in my life...
Sorry this turned out long big hugs hun xxxxxx

 

[Cookie1979]

Losing someone is hard, when its cancer and you see them fight and fight just to lose their battle, well its heartbreaking. I lost my mum to Ovarian cancer in November after a 2 and a half year long battle, I'm still struggling now, there are images that I can never erase, and the loss I know wont ever disappear. But I did as you plan to do, I wrote a letter and my dad put it with her before she was cremated (I couldn't do it myself) and it helped, my sister and brother also wrote letters. Since then I've written down my feelings and it does help. Just say what you feel.

Being pregnant is a highly emotional time, so this is going to be particularly hard for you, but things will get better I promise.

As for your dad, I get the impression you feel bad with how things were left, maybe you should contact him and just say how sorry you are for him. Forget about his ex, just concentrate on you and your dad.

 

[Beth8ny]

Ahhh I am so very sorry! I know what you're going through. I lost my Grandma when I was 21 weeks pregnant and I felt exactly the same as you are describing. I was gutted that she would never get to meet my baby and I was also really worried about getting too stressed and upset over it.

I think you'll probably find that once you've written that letter and had the funeral you will start to feel a little better. The funeral really helped me, even though it was an awfully sad day of course but it does help with closure. Now I also like to go visit her whenever I am back in town and make her grave look really pretty with flowers and plants. This might be something you want to do once you've had the baby. The most important thing is to tell your baby all about what a brilliant Pops you had and that way a little part of him can live on in her.

I hope you will be ok. PM me if you need to talk xxxx

 

[kasey590]

thanks soo much ladies. its been really rough and im trying my best to keep my head above water. the funeral is tomorrow so im hoping i can stay strong and be ok. xox
its lovely to meet you all by the way