its not fair. SIL pregnant again!

[molly86]

I've just found out my sister in law is expecting number 4. She's 28. Shes never worked. She was pregnant with her first when she left school. Every time her baby reaches school age she just has another. She expects the tax payer to support her and her ever increasing family.
Just seems like me and DH are working really hard to make sure we can afford a baby and other people just do what they want and expect someone else to support them.
Just needed to get that of my chest. Can anyone relate to me?

 

[Symphony7]

I try never to compare myself to other people. Life won't be "fair" if you compare yourself to others. She is living the life she chose, and you guys are planning for the life you've chosen. You wouldn't want children at the expense of having her lifestyle, surely? It is hard to be patient, but I've found life is built around it. When you are at the point of having children, you will forget that you ever had to wait, but there will be someone else who is waiting and may be feeling the same thing about you.

 

[cookette]

That drives me insane. Someones going to yell at me for this, but I dont care. If you cannot afford children, I dont think you should be having 4. End of story.

 

[molly86]

I know you're right symphony. I wouldn't actually want her lifestyle. I am jealous of her pregnancy but certainly not of her lifestyle. And yes I know I should't compare. I can't help it though.

 

[molly86]

cookette that's exactly how I feel.

 

[Eline]

I agree with Cookette as well. Overall, I even think no one should have four children looking at the overpopulation of our earth. But that's another discussion.

 

[Kiki1993]

I feel that way but I'm thinking more along the lines, my kids will get to have a more stable lifestyle, get to do activities if they want to like dancing or gymnastics etc, will get a holiday a year, have healthier meals etc whereas if you are on benefits like a lot of people in my area they have very litte income, the kids have nothing to do, they eatmainly ready meals and fast food because thats cheaper and have never experienced a holiday - a break away from your life. I know that sounds snobby but I never went abroad until i was 18 and all my friends had which was quite embarrassing even though it wasn't my mums fault (she didn't have enough money to take us all away on disability), when friends had nice clothes and all mine were hand me downs, when it came to exams my friends got tutors/books to help them i had to go by notes i made for myself, not getting to have an activity like swimming lessons or dancing etc and having unhealthy meals which made me gain weight .. I am waiting to give my child financial and emotional security. I guarantee when it comes to being pregnant, we will all forget how long and unhappy we were waiting and just enjoy being pregnant.
I will never afford an amazing life for my kids, like i can never guarentee never having money problems but i can try to have enough to have a mortgage, afford an activity for them and maybe a holiday here and there. And when they are at achool I want them to look up to me, the first ever in my family to go to college, to have a mortgage and being the first in my family to not be a teen pregnancy. I want to show them you can be what you want to be and not what you are expected to be.