iv fell out with all my family over kids :(

[noshowjo]

oh my word , i cant even write this with out crying im so upset .
yesterday i fell out with my brother and pretty much all my family took his side , and you wouldnt even believe what for ,
Our children mine and brothers are 5 and 6 just 5 months between them .
My son the 5 year old is a real boy typical boy , toy fighting , climbing trees . throwing sticks . back f;lips in the garden full of life .
my bros son is very timid , but to be fair its my bros fault and his wifes . he goes no where , watches telly all day . hours and hours of telly no actual play ... he cant kick a ball ride a bike even with stabilers on . cant jump or run , he is riged like a robot just telly telly .
so my son when with him will run faster and there son will cry . my son will jump of wall or kick ball he cant so will cry again , but thats as far as it goes.
but yesterday by brother is standing with his son and my boys comes over and trys to play fight . he is a good little boy just normal ... and i hear my brother say these words , now im sorry for swearing on here but i gotta show you why im upset . he say to his " come on jmes we have told you fucking punch him " so i jump up and tell him thats bad and why would you want to encourage them to fight when my son is playing . he gets all high rate. starts shouting in front of all my kids " well your yeah i will tell him to hit your son , go on son go on kick his head in "
I would never encourge any children to fight ever ever , my brother done this because he see's his son cant play rough and touble or cant do the things my son can so instead had been teaching him to just punch my child ..
so at this point im crying and shouting and telling him this is wrong . and my mother comes out with some crap about " aww but you know james is a bit timmid " well im sorry but our kids can never be together ever again , as my son is just playing he is such a sweet boy and trying to play , but what normal adult would want children to fight ..
he had already sort of fell out with me the day before because he was swearing in front of my kids and id asked him to stop ..
im not bad because i dont swear , or want my kids to fight .

im so sorry but i need to vent , i wouldnt even mind when my son plays with other kids including the little girls in the family i dont have anyone say anything , but when he plays with him im looking over and saying to my son , carefull alfie carefull . be gentle even though he is doing next to nothing .. becase i know their son is a cryer .
im so upset ...

 

[seoj]

I'm sorry hun

Is is possible your brother is just annoyed that his son doesn't want to be more physical? Maybe he is disappointed to some point and instead of just saying that- or finding a better way to handle it he's encouraging rough play? Which, like you said, is not Ok. I get boys can be physical- but some tend to be more interverted (like my besties son) and others are just more physical and active.

tbh- my daughter and my niece are so different... but who cares? My LO is the one running all over and being silly and loud and plays alone no issue. My niece is more quiet and calm and thinks things through more... there are going to be things that are nice or not so nice about both personality types. My SD and her cousin were the same- very very different growing up. But still close and love eachother! People don't need to make such a big deal of it- just like I'm very different than any of my cousins, but we all get along and respect our differences... that's part of life. Not just family.

Not sure there is any way to mend this- as what your brother said/did was way out of line. Just maybe, in time, he will see he doesn't need to push his son to be like yours- but to accept and embrace their differences... cause in the grand scheme of things, who cares. Just love and respect one another. Sorry he can't.

Big hugs.

 

[noshowjo]

thanks for your reply , yes thats excatly what it is . because he cant do things my son can , he feel teaching him to fight will be something he can do .
I still cant beleive his reaction ,
ill give you another example , my son him and my eldest were kicking a ball to each other . my brothers boy fell over ball when he went to kick it .
this was very funny as he didnt hurt himself he also started laughing with every one , saying " ha ha i done a flip " but then he saw my alfie laugh stands up runs at him with his fist to punch . so when i say why you gonna hit alfie he didnt make you fall .
his answer was " well mummy said to punch alfie if he upsets me "

Im affraid im not gonna be able to have our kids together ever again , as im not gonna sit and worry that alfie cant even win a race , or kick a a ball without getting a punch .

my mum and dad havent even phoned to see if im ok .

 

[seoj]

That is truly ridiculous hun. I'm sorry your brother/SIL would EVER tell their son hitting is Ok. Well- I can see how there are times it might be, out of self defense- but you should never tell a child to hit another kid because you don't like something they have done? How's that gonna go over when he's in school and hit another child and that childs parents go to the pricipal over it?

I can see why you wanted want you children around another kid that would hit them- even their cousin. That just sucks. I'm sorry. No great words.

I do hope they come around- if your comfy enough, maybe try to have an adult conversation with your brother or SIL. Maybe say you want to clear the air for the kids sake- But there is only so much you can do. They have to be adults too.