IVF Surrogacy / Donating Eggs w/ Family

[jrac]

So... I need advice ladies!

Back story: I did IVF for my little girl. I have no troubles conceiving, but, my husband has problems and only 1% shot we can ever do it on our own. But, thankfully our 1 and only egg took, and we only needed 1 round!! YaY!

The meds made me a bit sick, I had lots of morning sickness, and I just couldn't see affording two in diapers and daycare, so for a while we decided she was going to be it. But... Now shes almost 5. Shes potty trained, we have bought a house, shes going to be done daycare soon and into free public school... And so now we are going to be doing IVF again and giving her a sibling. Its low-cost for us because MA insurance covers IVF. We spent about $700 total last time, including all the meds and DR Visits.... I can put that on my FSA.

Well.. Here is the other part of the problem: I know I only want 1 more. We had no frozen embryos last time, so we need to do a whole new round. If we get extra embryos this time, I would likely donate them.

My sister (2 years older) lives in Florida, which does not offer coverage for IVF. Although her eggs are fine, her uterus does not work right - she cant carry. IVF is expensive for her, and likely wouldn't even work... just cost her tens of thousands for nothing... I offered to surrogate, but that's pricey too because it wouldn't go to my insurance in MA, but hers in Florida... So, at this point she has resigned to adoption...

The Question: If I am donating my eggs anyhow, she wants to adopt, and I was already willing to be a surrogate... After I have my 2nd, could I go back in and have any potential frozen embryos implanted and then do a kinship adoption to my sister? That way it still shares some DNA, and hopefully looks a bit like her (my sister and I are often mistaken for twins, and my first daughter looks JUST like me)… and maybe it would cost less and be less time consuming and potentially painful for my sister?

 

[Lunabelle]

Hi Jrac,


It is a beautiful thing you are thinking about for your sister.

I'm sorry I am not able to tell you if that's so ething you would be able to do, I suppose it would even vary depending on the state.

Would it be easier for you emotionally to donate the embryos and have someone else carry them?

 

[co_fostermom]

I'm considering surrogacy myself - as in waiting to hear from a friend if she is willing to carry our embryos. I just suffered through a third failed pregnancy (actually I'm still in the midst of it, having a d&c tomorrow because my body won't let go), and feel like at this point the goal was always to have children and not just to experience pregnancy.

I know with frozen embryos they are frozen at the time they were developed. So mine were developed when I was 32 and those eggs are healthy and stuck at my age 32 even though I'm 33 now and will likely be 34 on the off chance I were to get pregnant naturally or if my friend says yes to surrogacy. My doctor said my actual age doesn't matter as far as when I carry because the embryos were developed when I was younger and therefore higher quality. My friend is done having kids and older than me but still young enough to bear children. I want to say she's 36 or 37.

Sorry, I'm not sure if this is helpful - but it seemed like you weren't sure you'd be a good candidate for surrogacy based on age should your sister say yes to your very generous offer and age is honestly not that big of an issue unless you are post-menopausal. I do know that I couldn't ask my sister-in-law to carry our embryos because she's too close genetically to my husband, so that's a thing to consider, but if you're not carrying an embryo that was created with your brother-in-law's sperm (as in there's no genetic material coming directly from your sister or her partner) then it should be okay. Obviously you'd want to talk to your doctor first and get his/her okay. And it is recommended that you yourself are done having kids because of the normal risks associated with childbearing and childbirth (as in, if you lose your uterus in some freak incident after the birth, it won't be a big deal for you because you are done having kids anyway).

Hope that is more helpful than confusing.