jealous siblings

Discussion in 'Postnatal Support' started by wishing4ababy, Apr 27, 2009.

  1. wishing4ababy

    wishing4ababy mummy of 3 gorgeous LO's!

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    ok....i need to get this out. :cry: I am going to speak to health visitor about it...but I am going mad. DS is obviously really jealous at the moment but I feel like i spend the entire day yelling at him. He is just playing up and is refusing to do as he is told and cries at the slightest thing. having tantrums if he doesn't get his own way - but real temper ones. Is being mean to his sister and just being horrible. But it is driving me insane. I feel like I am going to explode and have had to leave the room this afternoon to stop my blood from boiling. He is just pushing me and pushing me and i honestly don't know what to do.
    Part of it is also probably boredom and it will be better when i can drive so we can get out and do stuff...it is really getting me down and i am frightened that this is turning into something else. I am point blank refusing to let anyone feed charlie other than me (the top up bottles obviously) - oh has only done it once in the 2 and a bit weeks he has been with us. I am so tired and am really blowing up at oh for stupid things and i am then crying and don't know what to do. Am desperately hoping this is just a bit of baby blues combined with sleep deprivation.
    All of this is also making me desperate for a cigarette....not caved in yet...but only the breast feeding is keeping me going i think. :hissy:
    am i normal - does anyone else feel like this? am so frightened that this is turning into something a bit more sinister. :cry:
     
  2. lissaloo

    lissaloo Well-Known Member

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    hi you poor thing , firstly the children are gonna feel a bit jealous have you let them cuddle the baby and included them in things like bathing and dressing ?? my daughter was coming 2 when my son arrived i did these things with her and it seemed to work she did swipe him a few times though !

    have a little time out for you it's hard as hell been a mom to more that 1 child and your still a person to with needs don't forget yourself .

    i hope you feel better soon hun x
     
  3. MummyMummy

    MummyMummy Well-Known Member

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    this is onething that worrys me about new baby being born (35weeks on sat :D, son is 3years old), i have read as much as ipossibly can without going mad and what i'll probally suggest you have probally been told already but maybe a few bits you haven't tried?

    have you tried giving older baby a toy/game 'from' new baby? spend lots of time with him, have some special time together - afun bath or a story at bedtime. include them with the new baby, let him help with feeds, rubbing babys back to help you to wind baby, asking to help pass you nappys/wipes/bath towels etc, let him pick out a special outfit for the new baby and put it on baby when you go on a special day out (even just to the park) these are all what i think are good ideas from what i've read which i will be trying to do when new baby born.

    it's going to be hard for you to keep calm and sane... you've just gone through a big,huge absolutly massive thing - you gave birth. your body will be full ofhormones right now. no wonder you are stressed. lack of sleep too wont help. don't be so hard on yourself, if you need to put your son in his room for 5mins while you get yourselftogether thendo it, if you need to leave the room then do it just to give yourself 5minutes alone to compose your thoughts. so long as thechildren are in a safe place/room then there's no harm done.

    xXx
     
  4. wishing4ababy

    wishing4ababy mummy of 3 gorgeous LO's!

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    :hugs: thanks hun. We did the present thing when Charlie was born and he i am trying really hard to include him in everything. I think it is harder because i am bfing too because he is feeding constantly and sometimes when it is bathtime or bedtime i am feeding so oh is doing it. I have tried expressing but it is useless. :cry: think i am going to have to go back to top ups - for the sake of some sanity!!
     
  5. MummyMummy

    MummyMummy Well-Known Member

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    this isn't my place to say but i don't think giving top ups will bennefit anybody. when i startedwith 'top ups' it got to the point where i'd think 'why not just 'top up' all the time?' and then as you can imagine breast feeding just dwindled away (other people telling me i wasn't making enough/satisfying the baby didn't help!!) maybe he just needs some time to adjust? it has only been 2 weeks. once baby gets into a routine with sleeping and feeding i'm sure things will settle down for you.

    i hope you find a way to 'grin and bare' it so to speak and your midwife/health visitor can give you some extra support!

    xXx
     
  6. leeanne

    leeanne Mom of 3 and Stepmom of 2

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    This is one thing I found was hard about breastfeeding my second. He was constantly on the breast and I didn't have as much time for Amanda, who was 18 months when my second was born. I look back and I truly did miss out on many of Amanda's new developments, etc.

    Honestly, she was very good and wasn't extremely jealous or act up, but many kids will. It's to be expected as they were the center of attention and now they aren't and now mommy is more involved with the new baby and always catering to their needs.

    I would think trying to involve your DS in many things around the baby, trying to set aside some quality time for him when OH gets home, or when baby is napping, and talking to him that you love him just as much as the baby and how special he is may help.
     
  7. Lois

    Lois Me, OH, Evie & Joseph

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    If topping up is going to give you back enough time and flexibility to be able to cope with all that you have going on then I say do it! Nutritional health is obviously important but so is emotional health and how you are feeling matters to you, your OH and all of your children. Surely it is better to have breastmilk, top-ups AND sanity rather than just breastmilk!

    It sounds like this could allow you to swap roles with your husband now and again so that he feeds your newborn whilst you spend some more time with your older son.

    Lx
     

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