Just found out I'm pregnant at 14 and scared

[candicelayla]

My boyfriend and I were at a pool party in the beginning of September at a mutual friends. He and I went to a secluded area of beach and had sex a couple of times. I never felt him shoot inside me. We went back to the party like nothing had happened. About a week and a half ago, I noticed my period never came and it usually does and I've noticed my boobs feel sore, I've had headaches off and on, I've been feeling nauseous and also certain smells bring it on, plus I've been really tired. I took a home pregnancy test and it came back positive. I'm wondering how often are home pregnancy tests wrong? I really dont want to be pregnant at 14. But I'm willing to accept the concequences. Also, should I go to my regular doctor or the baby doctor to confirm I'm pregnant? How will they test me? Also what will the baby doctor do and when should I start seeing one? Will they tell my parents because I'm scared shitless what they'll do? Thanks.

 

[zmzerbe]

My advice to you would be to tell your parents asap. Keeping something like this from them can do a lot more harm than good. Your parents will be more knowledgeable of your situation and be able to give you sound advice as to what you should do next. On top of that, I don't believe you can make your own appointments without your parents knowing, so trying to hide that from them I am sure would make your parents angry. There really is no way around telling your parents and the longer you wait, the worse it will be. They will probably be upset, so prepare yourself for that, but like you said, you are willing to accept the consequences and this is one of them. Good luck to you, keep us updated.

 

[zmzerbe]

When I came home pregnant at 19 (granted I was older than you are) but I was so scared to tell my mom, let alone his parents. I thought my mom would be mad or upset, but she actually really surprised me. Her response was "at least I was able to wait until 40 to be a grandma!" and she cried with me. Then she got excited. I'm not saying this is what will happen with your parents, but you never know, their response could surprise you.

 

[ChiiBaby]

I got pregnant at 16 hun and my mum wasnt mad at me she just wanted to help me. As soon as i told her we went to the doctors to comfirm it, and then they told us what to do from there.
Good luck hun

 

[candicelayla]

Figured I'd Update you guys. I was sent home from school just after lunch because I was sick. So my mom came to school to get me. We were in the car heading home when I told her like you guys said I needed to do. She was very disappointed in me for making a bad decision … but she hugged me and said she supports me and will do whatever she can to help me. She works the night shift at the hospital as an ER doctor and will get an ob-gyn appointment for me. Now to break the news to my dad, boyfriend and his family.

Another question… when you guys went to the ob-gyn, what did they do in your initial appointment? I know I need to go but am scared? Also what else can I do now that I know to give my baby the best chance?

 

[tinkerbelle93]

That's great you've told your mum! I'm glad she's being supportive and hope your dad, boyfriend and his family are the same.

My first medical appointment was at 8 weeks pregnant, I had to go through a form about myself and the dad's family medical history and my situation and lifestyle ect. I also remember having to give a urine sample.

In terms of what you can do.. start taking folic acid daily as well as a prenatal multi vitamin, and obviously cut out smoking and alcohol intake if that applies to you. Hope you have a healthy and happy 9 months x

 

[ChiiBaby]

As Tink said. They just talk to you about any health risks in your family to make sure the baby is safe and you. They just want general info about you and your boyfriends family. Try not to scared hun Good luck and keep us posted!

 

[candicelayla]

Another update. I had a chance to talk too my dad. I told him the same thing I said to mom. He got upset with me and expressed his disappointment. He even said he needed to think about it. He came to my room a couples of hours later after I was cryingbecause of my asshole boyfriend (I'll get to that later in the post). He comes to my room with flowers and chocolate. He huggedme and said hes proud of me and will do what he can.

Now for the bad part. I was talking to my boyfriend over the phone and told him he was a daddy and that I was pregnant. He went off on me over the phone calling me a slut and a whore and how I couldn't keep my legs closed. He accused me of cheating on him saying that his friends told him that I had sex with all of them. I couldnt take it and I started sobbing.I let him have it telling him be was the only guy I had EVER had sex with. I don't know what I should do… what do you guys think?

 

[skyesmom]

first, kudos to you for telling your parents immediately, and kudos to them for being so supportive from the first moment on

second: you boyfriend is scared shitless, just like you are. his reaction is completely fear-driven, impulsive and irrational. also telling such a news over the phone probably allowed him to rage out even more. it is harder to blow up like that when you have a person there face to face with you (and maybe at your place with your parents around... i think he wouldn't have allowed himself that).

third: there is a very good chance that he will come around and apologize, when the initial shock and denial passes - the thing of accusing you of sleeping with his friends is basically it - denial - as he is not capable of accepting the overwhelming responsibility of having a baby at 14-15 PLUS the responsibility of having done this to you (i assume he's around the same age as you). his first reaction sucks, but he's not an adult like your parents are, he doesn't have their maturity and emotional stability, so stupid words like this one can fly out easily. but none of it will make either you or your baby disappear from his life. give him some time, he's in this with you for a lifetime.

 

[zmzerbe]

I don't want to sound harsh, but you're having a baby and I think at this point you will need to grow up fast enough to hear this.

Your boyfriend may or may not stay your boyfriend for much longer. His parents will also probably be in denial, and in some cases may even have their son completely ignore you until they are sure that it's his baby. Unfortunately, he can also decide that he wants nothing to do with the baby and sign away parental rights leaving you to your own.

When I was 16 I went through some medical treatment with a birth control making me very sick and I didn't get my period for a while. I was too scared to get a pregnancy test, but I was almost sure I was pregnant. I confided in my boyfriend what was happening and he was scared. Later that night I got an e-mail from his dad telling me that what we did was not smart and that he would cover all of the charges for an abortion. Long story short, I wasn't pregnant and our parents wanted our relationship to end. But the e-mail from his dad was heartbreaking. He would have rather me have an abortion than ruin his son's life.

You might get some of this from his parents. I just want to let you know that the grass isn't always greener on the other side. I am glad you took my advice and told your parents immediately. That was a very grown up and mature thing to do, and like I said, Their reactions aren't as bad as you can cook up in your head sometimes.

 

[candicelayla]

Good morning. Figured I'd update again. My bladder had gotten me awake… again. I dont know about you guys, but it seems like after I got my positive on a home pregnancy test, I've had to pee more often than usual, lol. But I did get to talk to mom after she came home and she managed to get me an appointment with my doctor this morning to confirm I'm pregnant. I dont know though if it would be too early to see the OB though. My moms a sweetheart and picked me up some prenatal vitamins. Ive started taking them along with a multivitamin.

I also told one of my besties I was pregnant as well. She huggedme and told me that she still thought I was one of the best and that I am like a sister to her. She also was telling me her 17 year old sister is pregnant as well and further along too. So this could be interesting.

I also look for my boyfriend to break up with me. I was checking my email on my phone and I got a scathing email from his mother which brought me to tears . She basically told me I was worthless, will be a welfare bum, that I'm nothing but a cheap tramp and some other not so nice stuff [Admin edited as per the forum rules] I feel I need to do this to prove I'm strong and I can do this. Plus shes doing this when I'm trying to quit smoking so the baby has the best chance. I think shes trying to drive me nuts.

 

[Misscalais]

I just want to say, for next time so you're smarter. You can get pregnant even if your partner pulls out ( currently pregnant with my 4th baby from this ) but im a lot older and married now. If you have sex a few times in a day there will be sperm that can escape. Condoms and birth control is a smart choice.
You're only 14, having a baby is huge at your age, not many, if any 14 year old father's will step up and take on that roll. So if you're choosing to keep the baby prepare yourself to be a single mum. You're lucky you have such supportive parents and i wish you all the best. Don't be afraid to talk all your worries and concerns to your patents

 

[tinkerbelle93]

Just ignore his mother for the time being, I mean it's understandable that she could be shocked and disappointed but behaving the way she has is just unnecessary and helpful to nobody.

It's great your parents are being so supportive, it really does make all the difference. X

 

[Hermione394]

First off

Second: The way his mother spoke to you is absolutely unacceptable. Don't let her get to you. She can't accept the fact that two people made this baby, and it's just easier for her to blame just you and not her son. It's not right, it's not cool, and you shouldn't take it to heart my dear.

Lean on your parents. Come here and talk to us. We all have your back hun.

Have you thought of options? Do you plan to keep the baby? Put it up for adoption? What are you hoping to do?

Please keep us posted on how the doctor appointment goes .

 

[skyesmom]

agree with the pp regarding your boyfriend's mom. it is oh so much easier to blame it all on you that admit to herself that she has failed as a parent (because for her, him screwing up is her personal failure at parenting).

try not to take it personally, whatever she wrote. it is an immature, impulsive reaction to a shocking news, and there's nothing for her to be proud of there.

your parents and your best friend sound really sweet and supportive, and maybe the fact that your best friend's sister is also expecting could make your pregnancy feel less lonely. you'd also have someone to share the motherhood days with later, in case you decide against adoption. which is a great thing to have in real life, as i think most teen moms find themselves really lonely and isolated from their friends from this point of view. other teens worry about standard teen stuff, while you get to raise a baby, and adult moms can't really relate as their whole living situation is much different.

have you told your mom about this email? i think she should know, because it would only be fair for an adult to confront an adult in this kind of situation.

 

[skyesmom]

ps. and if your boyfriend decides to break up with you and decides not to be in the life of his child either, it is HIS loss. not yours.

For you it will be loads of tough work and lots of things to prove, but you will also grow as a person (and you're already doing it by acting responsibly and telling your parents, going to docs, etc), one step at a time. and somewhere in the future, it will be way easier for you to find a new relationship to a man who is gonna love both you and your child, then for your now boyfriend to rebuild a relationship to his kid, in case he decides to run away completely now.

 

[Topanga053]

I am SO GLAD you told your parents and they were so supportive. That's wonderful and you will definitely need that.

The way that your boyfriend and his mother are speaking to you is completely inappropriate. I agree with PP to let your parents know what his mother said to you. No adult should be speaking that way to a 14 year old. It is completely inappropriate, no matter how upset she is about the situation. After all, you did not get pregnant on your own. Her son had a little bit to do with that! ;-)

You sound like a wonderful person and I hope things work out well for you! Please keep updating us here. Xoxo

 

[candicelayla]

Good morning guys. Thank you so much for the love and support you've shown me. I love you guys.

This blah, sick feeling is driving me nuts. I hate that I cant keep much down right now and that most smells are making me sick. However for some reason I'm craving peanut butter and pickles. The first time I requested it, it made my moms face scrunch up like she sucked on a lemon. Which was hilarious. Is there anything I can do to keep myself from feeling so sick? Also I'm noticing I'm devloping a bit of a soft, like speed bump protruding from my belly. Im starting to get excited this could be the start of my baby bump. Is this baby or bloat? If it helps, I just became 7 weeks.

I took you guys advice and showed my mom the email from his mom. She was livid. She said it would be taken care of. But, when I came home from school yesterday, which was hell because my "boyfriend" started spreading the word im pregnant, I got another email from his mom that said I cant see my boyfriend until I become "unpregnant".I know that she never really liked me, but she's being ridiculous.
I'm not punishing my baby because of our irresponsibility. If anything, shes making me more determined to keep my baby. Am I crazy?

 

[tinkerbelle93]

Sorry you are having morning sickness, I can relate. I'd think at 7 weeks it's.much more likely to just be bloat than anything else- going by my own experience anyway!

Glad you have your mother's support with regards to your boyfriend's mother. She sounds awful, just try not to talk to her or have anything to do with her for the time being. It's great you're using the negativity to feel more determined

 

[skyesmom]

sorry about the morning sickness. but regarding your bf's mom and the way he is acting in school - again, tell your parents. also about the new email.

and for the school - can you schedule a meeting with your school councilor? maybe even with your parents there in case your councilor wants them present too? the sooner you make a plan regarding your schooling the better, and also your mom and dad may appreciate that, to see that you ain't giving up on those things because of the baby. and bring up the fact that he's been telling everybody in school. he doesn't have to support you but he also doesn't need to make it harder on you, and he definitely has no one in his family to offer him a good example on how to act and behave (seeing what his mom writes).