Just going through the motions?

Discussion in 'Postnatal Support' started by flower01, Dec 16, 2009.

  1. flower01

    flower01 Expecting Baby 3!!

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    Hi Ladies

    I hope this doesnt sound really bad on my account but im worried and sad by how i feel at the moment.
    I feel since baby was born that im just going thru the motions of looking after her.
    i dont feel like im enjoying her and it makes me really sad.:cry:
    why arent i?
    she took so long to conceive and is kind of like our little miricle.

    last night we had a bad night and this morning i just cried for about 2 hours solid cos im tired.

    do you think its cos im not getting a reaction back from her at the mo that i feel like this?

    xxxxxx
     
  2. lyre

    lyre Well-Known Member

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    i felt like that at first, but then you get more confident and used to being tired. also you begin to get to know your lo and build a bond. i completely adore my lo, but it wasnt like that for the first few weeks, i too felt kind of detached, and like i was just going through the motions of looking after him. having a baby is a really intense experience and it takes a while to adjust, so dont worry, it will all come right soon x:hugs:

    i agree about the interaction........once they start smiling and noticing your voice etc, it makes it all worthwhile x
     
  3. sun

    sun Mum of 3

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    :hugs: :hugs:

    I was the same way, but it is slowly getting better. I felt like LO was getting bigger and older and I was missing it - even though I am with LO all the time. My OH thought I was really weird for saying that, but I felt like I was doing what I had to but didn't have the joy/bond that I was sure every other parent did. Now I know better though - some mums jump right in, but for me the life change was really shocking. I didn't know what to do with myself. I went from being a 12h a day workaholic in a big city to a stay at home mum in a suburban home with a newborn all day. I lost everything that had once defined who I was - so I thought anyway, but it is getting much better as the weeks go by. LO is almost 5 weeks and I am in a much better place than just a few weeks ago.
    And I agree with above - the more alert LO gets and the more he can interact, I think the better it will be. Part of it is that I also wasn't sure if he even knew who I was or if we were bonding at all. But I really can't wait for a few smiles and laughs :D
    xx
     
  4. flower01

    flower01 Expecting Baby 3!!

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    thankyou ladies, it means a lot to read your replies.
    I think you both hit the nail on the head with the bonding thing.
    I expected a super fast tight bond but it doesnt feel like that at the moment and sometimes i think she doesnt like me at all. I know it prob sounds mad.

    I had all these expectations when i was pregnant and its very different!
    im paranoid that as the days and weeks go by that il miss out on bonding and it will be too late.
     
  5. Foogirl

    Foogirl Baby Abby 11 weeks early

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    I felt like this for about 3 months, to some extent I still feel it.

    Definitely a lot to do with the fact you get nothing back at that stage. The tiredness is also a factor. I used to refer to it as the daily grind.

    Even now I don't feel this super tight bond, but I do love her with all my heart and that bond is definitely getting stronger every day.

    Some days now I still hope she sleeps more than others as it is the same constant round of feeding, changing, playing. There is only so many funny faces a person can pull, or funny noises to make. Just as Sun says, I was a hard working professional person so to suddenly have nothing to challenge me was very tough.

    I went though the "she hates me" stage. She wouldn't look at me or smile at me, there was no recognition, I was just a pair of breasts to her! Even when she got more alert, she still never looked at me, but only at her dad. Now, everytime I get her up from her cot, I get the biggest smile. Or when I come back in the room, she grins from ear to ear. Nothing beats it!

    I do love spending time with Abby now, and I'm sure you'll get there with your LO too. You'll be surprised how a good nights sleep followed by a good day can do!
     
  6. firstLO

    firstLO Evie's mum & pregnant

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    Completely normal. As others have said above, it's a big shock and adjustment becoming a mother and not all of us get the intense bonding from the start. It was a gradual thing for me but I was soon smitten. We just expect it to happen straight away and then feel bad if it doesn't. Don't feel bad as it will happen very soon. x
     

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