hellodarling
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- Joined
- Aug 9, 2015
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So, AF is due in two days (if she comes when the app says she should but she usually does her own thing and shows up anywhere from 24-53 days). I decided to take 3 blue dyes, all said YUP, so I took a digi and it said "nope", so i bought some pink dye frer and all three were big fat NOPES too.
I had a dream last night that I had a baby. I was nursing the baby but kept forgetting to feed it. By the time I remembered, the baby forgot how to nurse. I kept misplacing the baby too but kind of remembered to look for it as an afterthought.
I think the disappointment of trying and trying and feeling like my age and my husband leaving soon is really putting a damper on this... Like, I"m hopeful but kind of grieving over it because I"m just not so confident or excited about it being able to happen. I'm losing hope.
Every month for the past three or four months I've had baby dreams before AF arrived, good vivid ones but then the witch shows and I'm so sad. I try and act like it's no biggie because I don't want my husband to see how much it hurts that it's not happening but all I can think is "whats wrong with me that it's not working?"
To make it even more ridiculously ridiculous: it's the signs that can be interpreted as validation that its happening
1. I bought a dozen eggs and 7 of the 12 were double yolks.
2. TWO women came and told me they see a little girl born in july, which means I'd be pregnant now, and that's even more disappointing bc so far, the tests say no.
I'm just having a pity party.
I had a dream last night that I had a baby. I was nursing the baby but kept forgetting to feed it. By the time I remembered, the baby forgot how to nurse. I kept misplacing the baby too but kind of remembered to look for it as an afterthought.
I think the disappointment of trying and trying and feeling like my age and my husband leaving soon is really putting a damper on this... Like, I"m hopeful but kind of grieving over it because I"m just not so confident or excited about it being able to happen. I'm losing hope.
Every month for the past three or four months I've had baby dreams before AF arrived, good vivid ones but then the witch shows and I'm so sad. I try and act like it's no biggie because I don't want my husband to see how much it hurts that it's not happening but all I can think is "whats wrong with me that it's not working?"
To make it even more ridiculously ridiculous: it's the signs that can be interpreted as validation that its happening
1. I bought a dozen eggs and 7 of the 12 were double yolks.
2. TWO women came and told me they see a little girl born in july, which means I'd be pregnant now, and that's even more disappointing bc so far, the tests say no.
I'm just having a pity party.
There is still time, but I am right there with you. I am sorry, this whole ttc is so hard. Every month it gets harder to not see the symptoms. 
It just seems like anything and, at the same time, nothing can mean pregnancy. Even if you have all these symptoms, you could be pregnant or not. Or, if you have no symptoms you still could be pregnant... or not.
Had my good cry last night, time for the wine, some movies and maybe some 'cuddle' time outside of baby making lol And if I do get a surprise well 'drink before pink'
