Just married - he's broody, more so than me!

Discussion in 'Waiting To Try' started by recentbride, Jun 3, 2011.

  1. recentbride

    recentbride New Member

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    Hi ladies,

    I'm new to this forum and hoping to share some thoughts with you...

    I'm a new wife - been married for a month. My OH is 29 and I'm 27. We've been together 4.5 years and he is really keen on having a baby straight away. I definately want children - but perhaps in a year's time once we've had some married time together. There's some other background info I guess you should know - his mother has been diagnosed with liver cancer and it has already spread. I worry that if I fall pregnant and she is to pass away then this may effect the pregnancy in some way - the grief I guess. I'm not entirely comfortable with talking to him about this for obvious reasons...

    He is keen to get pregnant straight away as he thinks that our biological clocks and ticking and if we hold off for a year and find we can't have children for whatever reason then we'd regret not trying now. Although I see his point, I don't see this as being the key reason for having children.

    May be I'm looking for some words of advice or perhaps I just needed to get this out in the open with people who aren't directly around me each day??

    Thanks in advance for taking time to read this and consider my situation... x
     
  2. i want it all

    i want it all Well-Known Member

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    1 yr isn't going to make a difference at your age. If you were 35 or older then it might.

    I don;t think anyone can answer your question, but it does sound to me as though you don't feel quite ready. If I were you, I would just tell him you're not ready and assess in 6 months or so!

    I'm sorry about the news re your MIL xxx
     
  3. recentbride

    recentbride New Member

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    Yeah, you're right. I'm not 100% at the moment... I think life was so manic planning a wedding for the past 6 months that I'm not ready to jump straight in to planning for a baby... just yet!

    Thanks for your thoughts x
     
  4. LoveCakes

    LoveCakes Well-Known Member

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    I wanted to wait a year after we married and am so glad I did. We got to know what it feels like just to be us. It takes a while to get used to being normal for a while after a wedding. I remember looking forward to having the time to be bored again during the planning lol.
     
  5. jadenblu

    jadenblu Well-Known Member

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    Didn't want to read and run. My DH has always been broodier than I am, which is why I stopped in. While I really want a child as well, I am still enjoying the "only us" time - and we've been living together for nearly 7 years! :haha:

    I agree that waiting a year won't make much difference when you're under 30. Given your MIL's condition, he may be broodier through feeling like he's losing his family so wants to create a new one? But if you really don't feel ready, don't rush it. I was positive I was ready 5 years ago (I'm nearly 31, btw) and in hindsight, I really wasn't! So if you're not sure, I would definitely talk to OH and take more time.

    :hugs:
     
  6. almostXmagic

    almostXmagic in love & wtt :)

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    i dont have much advice but i can imagine where you are coming from. my OH and i are planning to get married next fall and he wants to start TTC on our honeymoon, i on the other hand want to have a year of "just us". i think i can convince him to wait but i can sympathize with what you are feeling.
     
  7. MummaErin

    MummaErin Well-Known Member

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    maybe your OH is clinging to the hope that if you do it sooner your MIL will get to see the baby before.. well, you know. I know exactly how he feels if this is the case because I want my grandfather to still be alive when I have my LO, because he has been like a father to me since the day I myself was born.
     
  8. capegirl7

    capegirl7 Mom & Pregnant w/ # 2 :)

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    I got married in September and wanted to wait a year also.. Now at 9 months married we are ready to TTC. I would hold off and not put a time limit on it and just tell him you aren't ready yet. It could be 6 months, 9 months, or a year. you will KNOW when you are ready :)
     
  9. odd_socks

    odd_socks Long Term WTT

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    I agree and would say the same....have u spoken to ur oh about it all?
     
  10. Colleen12589

    Colleen12589 Well-Known Member

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    I wanted to chime in here a little bit for two reasons, one: what is broody or broodier? and two you said that you're worried about how your MIL's sickness and death might effect your pregnancy. I found out I was pregnant about 2 weeks before I found out my dad had stage 4 head and neck cancer. He went through treatment and was very very sick throughout my entire pregnancy and while I was in labor I found out he had a recurrence and was terminal. He died about 6 weeks later. While it was difficult to deal with while I was pregnant it was mostly because all my emotions were heightened because of all the hormones rushing through my body. I think looking back on it, it was physically my easiest pregnancy and my daughter is very healthy and happy. I just wanted to reassure you that physically you should be fine, things might just feel tougher while your pregnant. Does that make sense?

    I understand what he's saying with if you find out a year from now it's going to be difficult for you to get pregnant you will regret it but you are very young and shouldn't have any problems and a year probably won't change that. Unless there is some reason he thinks you guys won't be able to get pregnant?

    Good luck, and even though it might be hard to talk to him about his mom I think it would help if he heard that side of it and it could open up a dialogue that could be very helpful to him.
     

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