ashleypauline
K&A's Mommy
- Joined
- May 7, 2011
- Messages
- 2,684
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This might end up long I don't know but I need to know that in all of this mess someone understands!
This goes all the way back to when I was in middle school. In 7th grade a met a boy, his name was "R". I was naive and boy obsessed as any other 12year old girl was and so when i thought he was cute I told him via AIM as that was the cool thing to do back then. He returned by telling me we were two years apart in age (one year in school) and that it would NEVER happen.
Fast forward to the winter of my 8th grade year, the year my parents made me change schools to a catholic school and my graduating class went from 521 to 21. I saw him at public skate and he had talked to me, we became friends and i started to be the girl he went to so that he could talk to me about all his dumb girl problems. Little did i know at this point i should have paid a lot more attention then worry about why he didn't see me as attractive.
Throughout high school we continued to have this friendship and did get closer. We were basically "dating" middle of my Junior year after my ex "J" and I had broken up because of just dumb things. But the spring of my senior year in high school we became very serious. One night while having one of our usual talks, he kissed me, outta no where! We were together all the time, we did everything together, he was legit my other half and i could think of no one better to spend the rest of my life with. By July we were talking about kids which wasn't surprising seeing as we had spent those past 3 years prior doing all the cute new relationship things. And in august we became official.
August is the month things went bad. I on accident found out about a bad drug problem he had. Its amazing how well you THINK you know someone. I found out all the reasons him and his exs fought and the reason why 2 of them had restraining orders against him. He was scary when he was drunk and high, he became mean, abusive, and clingy all at the same time. I tried to help him as much as i could because i saw the good in him, or thought i did. He told me he was going to rehab, this is where the first lie starts. He said he wanted to change and he wanted to be a better man for me. He really went because he was also on probation for breaking restraining orders multiple times, which i also found out...it was rehab or jail. As soon as he got out, he was back to drinking and smoking weed. I would spend at least 3 nights a week in his room crying WITH him telling him he needed to change or he would lose me.
That went on for the next month. On October 19th, i had decided enough was enough, i was leaving him. I went to his house to get all the stuff i had left there over the past 3 years and when he brought it to my car, he got in my car and told me he wasnt getting out until i took him back. Girls he went psycho. He started punching himself in the head and crying and begging me and almost hit me until he punched himself again. He took my keys and ran inside and told me i wasnt leaving. After 2 hours and threatened police calls he let me leave. Whats worse is 2 weeks later I took him back. I loved him and i felt like i needed to help him. He kept smoking and i kept begging him to stop. This is where all the other stuff starts. One night in november i come into his house when he is in the middle of a fight with his mom. Telling her he is going to kill her and he is beating the shit outta her. Luckily i got him to stop and calm down but I was scared for my life, all i know is i didnt want her getting hurt, as much as she instigated him.
By December i really had enough! it had gotten to the point where i called it off and he was calling me every night. i would wake up with 72 missed calls, 16 voice messages, and 24 text messages. No lie ladies. Thats the night i would remember the most. I would go to an 80minute class and get out and have 65 missed calls. I had to change my phone number, which only led to him trying to contact me through friends, and threatening them and my life. That led to a restraining order on him on February 18th. A month and a half later i saw him at a Jerry Springer show, waiting in line to get in not on the show, and again started talking to him despite the restraining order i got on him. This lasted a week. We went out to the club March 26, 2011 and after we left he apparently trashed the shit out of his house, beat the crap out of his mom and broke his phone, all while trying to remember my number. That night he got sent to jail, because apparently his mother had a protective order against him and let him live in her house.
I am now pregnant with my recent ex "E"'s baby. He was a rebound off my 3 and a half year relationship with "r", we had sex twice. and I found out 2 weeks later that i would have to deal with that decision for the rest of my life.
My problem is, i really would never take "r" back now. but i seriously miss the crap out of him, the good times at least. our nicknames, special dates, and all that other stuff. He always did try to listen about my problems. I dont know ladies. After all that shit i still miss and love him. For mine and my babys life id never go back but does anyone understand? has anyone had an experience where the relationship was awful yet you still loved the person?
This goes all the way back to when I was in middle school. In 7th grade a met a boy, his name was "R". I was naive and boy obsessed as any other 12year old girl was and so when i thought he was cute I told him via AIM as that was the cool thing to do back then. He returned by telling me we were two years apart in age (one year in school) and that it would NEVER happen.
Fast forward to the winter of my 8th grade year, the year my parents made me change schools to a catholic school and my graduating class went from 521 to 21. I saw him at public skate and he had talked to me, we became friends and i started to be the girl he went to so that he could talk to me about all his dumb girl problems. Little did i know at this point i should have paid a lot more attention then worry about why he didn't see me as attractive.
Throughout high school we continued to have this friendship and did get closer. We were basically "dating" middle of my Junior year after my ex "J" and I had broken up because of just dumb things. But the spring of my senior year in high school we became very serious. One night while having one of our usual talks, he kissed me, outta no where! We were together all the time, we did everything together, he was legit my other half and i could think of no one better to spend the rest of my life with. By July we were talking about kids which wasn't surprising seeing as we had spent those past 3 years prior doing all the cute new relationship things. And in august we became official.
August is the month things went bad. I on accident found out about a bad drug problem he had. Its amazing how well you THINK you know someone. I found out all the reasons him and his exs fought and the reason why 2 of them had restraining orders against him. He was scary when he was drunk and high, he became mean, abusive, and clingy all at the same time. I tried to help him as much as i could because i saw the good in him, or thought i did. He told me he was going to rehab, this is where the first lie starts. He said he wanted to change and he wanted to be a better man for me. He really went because he was also on probation for breaking restraining orders multiple times, which i also found out...it was rehab or jail. As soon as he got out, he was back to drinking and smoking weed. I would spend at least 3 nights a week in his room crying WITH him telling him he needed to change or he would lose me.
That went on for the next month. On October 19th, i had decided enough was enough, i was leaving him. I went to his house to get all the stuff i had left there over the past 3 years and when he brought it to my car, he got in my car and told me he wasnt getting out until i took him back. Girls he went psycho. He started punching himself in the head and crying and begging me and almost hit me until he punched himself again. He took my keys and ran inside and told me i wasnt leaving. After 2 hours and threatened police calls he let me leave. Whats worse is 2 weeks later I took him back. I loved him and i felt like i needed to help him. He kept smoking and i kept begging him to stop. This is where all the other stuff starts. One night in november i come into his house when he is in the middle of a fight with his mom. Telling her he is going to kill her and he is beating the shit outta her. Luckily i got him to stop and calm down but I was scared for my life, all i know is i didnt want her getting hurt, as much as she instigated him.
By December i really had enough! it had gotten to the point where i called it off and he was calling me every night. i would wake up with 72 missed calls, 16 voice messages, and 24 text messages. No lie ladies. Thats the night i would remember the most. I would go to an 80minute class and get out and have 65 missed calls. I had to change my phone number, which only led to him trying to contact me through friends, and threatening them and my life. That led to a restraining order on him on February 18th. A month and a half later i saw him at a Jerry Springer show, waiting in line to get in not on the show, and again started talking to him despite the restraining order i got on him. This lasted a week. We went out to the club March 26, 2011 and after we left he apparently trashed the shit out of his house, beat the crap out of his mom and broke his phone, all while trying to remember my number. That night he got sent to jail, because apparently his mother had a protective order against him and let him live in her house.
I am now pregnant with my recent ex "E"'s baby. He was a rebound off my 3 and a half year relationship with "r", we had sex twice. and I found out 2 weeks later that i would have to deal with that decision for the rest of my life.
My problem is, i really would never take "r" back now. but i seriously miss the crap out of him, the good times at least. our nicknames, special dates, and all that other stuff. He always did try to listen about my problems. I dont know ladies. After all that shit i still miss and love him. For mine and my babys life id never go back but does anyone understand? has anyone had an experience where the relationship was awful yet you still loved the person?
I'm sorry you are going through that 
Good luck hun!
