Just need to rant a little...

[beth30]

So, it has been a while since I have been on this site, it was my saving grace not to long ago. I love the support I get from the lovely ladies on here, no matter which section I am in. I am waiting to try due to m/c and chemicals. I got tired, and my body needs to heal. But I am so unhappy. Not with my husband, I know he is my love, and we have a 4 year old son (god's gift). I love them both, and they make me happy. But there is just something going on, or not going on in my life. I feel like I have no purpose. I am a stay at home mom, and I live in the country near family, but all I get all day is kid talk, and mostly family arguments. Then my husband comes home and I think yay! time for some conversation, and he lets me down everytime.... tv or something other than conversation. My very best friend got a job since her daughter started school, so instead of spending my time having fun talking, shopping, nails done..... I sit here.... waiting for my time to work. It is a shame that I live next to my mother who says she doesn't feel like watching my little boy while I work or clean my house or anything for that matter. and ALL I can remember from being little is being at my grandma's house ALL the time. Mom never had to watch me if she didn't want to, or just needed time to herself..... and she says to me..."you had him, you watch him".... I am in such a rut, mentally, emotionally, and physically..... I need my time to grow, stimulate.... I feel like I am losing mental capability do to lack of interaction, and socialization... I am a wild woman at heart.. I was sooo fun, now I am a wall flower who never even gets to bloom. I'm in no way complaining about mothering my son. (when I read back, it kinda sounds that way) I am complaining about losing myself in motherhood, wifeyhood, and cabin fever. please say a prayer for me, I need a little hope, something to look forward to.....

 

[chickenchaser]

A couple of things hun I would do anything at this time to have the oppertunity to be spending every living moment with my child. I also fully believe that you have made that choice to bring your child into the world and they are your responcibility. However your mum doesn't sound very supportive and that alone I think is a shame as she is missing out on time with her grandson. I also understand that not matter how much you love someone you need 'you' time. Is there anyway your son could go into nursery for a couple of hours while you do a class or get a small job, to give you that time. Your life is yours if you are not happy and need it to change only you have control over that. As requested i will send you that prayer and as a bonus a Take care and believe in the fact that we all have days that seem black and empty but more often that not it goes away and it never really seems as bad as we thought it was.

 

[nickyXjayno]

I'm a bit confused if I'm honest as you seem to be having contradiciting emotions.

You say you feel like you have cabin fever and bored, you wants to go out and have some excitement.
Yet you also would like to have another kid/have been trying for one?

Why don't you go out to one of those coffee morning things and meet some other mums?

 

[Amarna]

I know completely how you feel. I tried the SAHM route for a year or so with my daughter and to be honest it drove me insane. I love her to death but it gets lonely when there's no family support, no you time and a husband who is tired everyday he's not working. You said that your son is four now...have you thought about looking into preschools? Or there are probably mommy groups of some sort in your area, try looking them up, they're a great resource to find friends for both yourself and your little one. Lastly I'd recommend talking to your husband letting him know you need some adult time, hire a sitter and go out with him for the night, get a part time job, take a class or two, etc. When I stayed at home we scheduled a regular night out once or twice a month to just go and have time to ourselves, it was a great help and gave me something to look forward to.

 

[i want it all]

I had a year off with my dd and at the end I was going nuts! What are other options of childcare like? Maybe a nursery or preschool/kindergarten? Or what about a college that has a creche or something? Maybe learn some new skills to get your brain working again, and then trying to find a job after that? Or if you are going to have another child, what will you do re childcare there? Or how about your OH? Can he helpt o give you some you time? I think it's so easy for a woman to lose her identity once we have children. No one really knows me as Claire anymore - it's always Kates mam, so it's nice to work and be known as Claire from finance!

I am so lucky that I have childcare almost on my doorstep! My MIL looks after dd 1 day, and my parents have her 2 more while I work. I chose to have a family, but I had no intentions of being a SAHM. And just because I work doesn't mean I shouldn't have a family. I like being able to provide for my family. Because I work we have nice things. I don't have to work, but I choose to so my daughter has the best things. She spends 2 days with one set of grandparents, and 1 day with the other, and then had 4 days with me (2 of those shared with daddy). it works perfectly for us. I don't have to share my precious time with my baby girl with her granparents as they get one on one time with her too without me watching every move.

 

[deafgal01]

 

[beth30]

I am contradicting myself I guess... I don't know how I feel about anything, that is why I am unhappy. I think I need a therapy session or something...

 

[odd_socks]

 

[swanxxsong]

I am contradicting myself I guess... I don't know how I feel about anything, that is why I am unhappy. I think I need a therapy session or something...

I was just going to suggest this. Maybe talking to someone, even your doctor, would help?

I like the suggestion, too, of maybe joining a mom's group and hanging out with other local mommies. It may be good for everyone! I see them at my local library a lot, the kids get stories read to them and the mommies socialize. Seems to be good for all involved parties.

Hang in there love and best of luck! xo

 

[immimx]

hope you find your answers. Maybe you need to find some new firends that relate to you well, try going local places with your son and see who you meet, could be good to find a play mate for him as well, then you can alternate between both having self time, and you'd have someone to do the things you want with. there are networks online where you can find local mums... could be an idea if you are in the healing process and dont want to be too active to soon.
x

 

[EngineerGirl]

Are there any sort of play groups or such near you? That might help you find some adult conversation. Even perhaps more helpful would be finding a way you could do something for others - a volunteer opportunity that your son could come along to, perhaps? Doing something for others can be a great way to find a sense of purpose and gain some perspective. If your son can be part of it then you'll be showing him early how to sacrifice himself for other people which is a great virtue to pass on. Maybe also instead of asking your mom to watch your son you could invite her to do things with the two of you (if you don't already). You and your mom could do some chatting and she'll remember how awesome it is to be a grandma and maybe be more willing to spend one-on-one time with your son.

Sorry about the feeling of purposelessness. It's no fun. Just remember that you've got two very awesome roles right now in mommyhood and wifedom and that it's not loosing yourself in them - it's bringing all that you are to them! You can also try and find unique ways to express your talents in being a mom and wife, from the things you teach your son to the way you do what you do around the house.