"Just relax and it will happen" ??

[Belle Shine]

The more I actively ttc, the more I seem to feel this is completely out of my control.

So this brings me to my question.. When those highly annoying people try to offer their kind words of 'just relax' and "it will happen when the time is right"... Are they right?

Should I give up the opks and bbts and charts and calendars and just role with it?

Or will the stress of not knowing what my body is doing and when, be more stressful than the charts. I don't honestly think I find the charts much stress and more just a curiosity but I have a pretty reliable track record of watched pots never boiling... Maybe I am watching the pot too closely..

What do you think?

Xxx

 

[Take2]

I hate when people say that! I also hate "I bet if you stop trying it'll just happen", so annoying!!
I am the kind of person who likes to have as much information as possible and not knowing would be more stressful for me. I also don't think that temping is stressful, I try to live as normal a life as possible and not let TTC consume me..but I can't stop temping, for me its calming, I like to know what my body is doing even if its not doing what I want.

 

[Belle Shine]

I completely agree. This is my first month actually using opks and temping. Before that I thought I knew what my body was doing through ovulation pains and cm... But I would get stressed that I may be getting it wrong. When I started doing the opks this month I felt a lot more calm about the whole thing as they told me all I needed to know.. And, as it turns out, I ovulated 4 days later than I expected! I am also calmer knowing to expect af today or tomorrow as my temp has dropped. If I hadn't have done either of these I would be more stressed right now wondering what was going on xx. I am wondering if I should try switching off from it all for a month or two just to shut people up .. but then I would lose two months of data to compare against xx.

 

[Saoirse80]

Everybody is different. My first couple of cycles TTC, I temped and charted. But towards the end of the last cycle, I was getting very stressed temping because I was so afraid to see my temperature drop and then know to expect AF. It got so bad I wasn't sleeping.

I cut that out and became way more relaxed for the cycle after that. DH and I ended up BD'ing even more as we were just more in the mood and sex was less planned and scientific for us. It sadly didn't end in pregnancy and I'm CD1 of my another cycle but I do think it was better for me to cut out temping. I like to be in control too, however, so I still log my cm and I am using OPKs, just to put my mind at ease. But temping got way too stressful.

Do whatever is best for you but try not to get too hung up on the science of things either and just BD every other day if you can.

 

[donnarobinson]

It use to bug me so much when people would say stop trying so hard , but the one month I didn't think I'd get pregnant & was trying did ! And it took 3 years I do believe when ur relaxed it seems to happen but its hard to not try! I'm now trying 2 concieve baby number 2 x baby dust to all x

 

[Belle Shine]

With my dd I spent four months messing around with ff, I didn't use opks or temp but I was getting obsessed with bnb and symptom spotting and cm charting. Then I gave up on it. OH wasn't that enthusiastic anyway so I basically left it all and started a new job which took my mind off of it. That fifth month I fell pregnant.. But then I also know we timed it absolutely right because I remember feeling the 'snap' of ovulation the day after a rather steamy weekend Then put it to the back of my mind and didn't test until I was two weeks late.

So now I am torn between letting it all go and trying to time everything perfectly. Maybe the temping will get too much but I am currently liking that it confirmed ovulation and it is giving me warning that this month is out (as much as I am studying other charts in the hope others have had similar charts and been pregnant!).

I feel a month or two away from charts may help but hubby has told everyone he knows that we are trying which is giving me a bit of added pressure and I can't see how ttc wouldn't be at the back of my mind all the time anyway

 

[bubbles1013]

Look at it this way... when you are active in knowing what is going on.. for the most part you really only know for the first two weeks.. then the next two weeks (TWW) go as if you aren't doing anything at all... I think the TWW is a killer, so my thought is, if you don't keep track and follow what is happening... everyday of your cycle will be like the TWW. Just my thoughts running wild

 

[AllStar]

I'm undecided how I feel about 'just letting it happen' vs temping/charting. When we were ttc 2 I tried temping and opk's and cm charting and was getting super stressed with it all. We took a month off from trying to go on holiday and that was the month I got pregnant! So this time I though 'don't try too hard' but last month - cycle 1 - I felt more stressed not knowing what was going on and wondering all the time that this month I'm back temping. I'm trying not to let it take over but I've not been too well and not sleeping properly so I don't think they're very accurate anyway!

So I think just do whatever you feel most comfortable with and if what you're trying doesn't work after a few months maybe try the other for one or two cycles?

Good luck and babydust! x

 

[Jaycrew]

I have been hcarting and TTC and all the whole 9 but this month i tok opportunity to really just relax with it becuase I had family come into town around the time of OV so I already knew my temps would be off - We Bd around that time and the sex was so much better and it was more of an emotional connection that we both had and i didnt mention anything about ov or anything the day I ov he pulled me in and said hey you wanna make a baby- LOL and I honestly think going forward I wont be so rigid with my concieving. before it was just way too much pressure on him and then I want in the mood because my mind was like a drill sergent. I dont know yet If I conceived but it def was way better than trying. Each time he and I really tried I never got pregnant - the times that we just went with the flow - then it happened. But to each there own. Everybody's situation is different.

 

[Belle Shine]

I am still stuck tbh honest. I am on CD1 now so still a bit of time to decide. I would like to take a couple of months off to relax but I am drawn to those OPKs and really want to know when I am ovulating.. and then I panic when I get a positive and demand sex right there and then lol! I don't have much else taking up my mind right now so maybe that is the problem, I need a distraction!

I am a great believer that the more enjoyable the sex, then the more likely it is to result in a baby.. so i can see the merit in relaxing too.. but that only works if you can guarantee that sex will be enjoyable once away from the charts and opks!

xx

 

[LillyTame]

It is hard to decide to give up the OPKs and charting and everything else once you start I tried this month and ended up taking some OPKs and started temping after OV...like you said...it's mostly just curiosity..."what is my body doing now". But another reason why it's hard to give up is because I've always heard that docs want you to actively try for 1 yr before they will start talking to you about the possibility of fertility issues....so I don't want to miss that year and have to start TTC again to please my doc because I listened to other people say "stop trying, it'll happen".

 

[Hopeful2014]

I agree that it's totally up to the person. If temping and charting doesn't add extra stress, then there are many benefits to doing it. If it is keeping you awake and causing more stress, then let it go for a cycle or two, or just stop after confirming that ovulation did happen.

About waiting a year for a doctor to evaluate. I've heard that if you have charts and information to share with the doctor that many will start looking for reasons earlier than the one year mark. Especially if you can show that you are having well timed BD without conception. Temps can also provide information on why you may be having problems. I don't have any experience with the doctors yet, but I imagine it would be more hard evidence you could show when demanding the attention you need.

Back to your original question. I imagine lots of people get lucky when they first try. Many get lucky when they struggle for a while and then decide to relax some and many have to try hard throughout. I found this online and thought it might apply to some (if not most) of us. Good luck!

 

[StillTrying81]

Hi im a newbie to this site but everyone seems to be great! My question is ive taken several hpts and opks. I have been having all symptoms of early pregnancy except the vomiting. Breast ache, nausea throughout the day, light head achea, lower back pain, tight abdomen, extra gas, everything i eat i "number two" out. It looks like cat feces. Im tired and eating mostly salty foods and candy. I actually ate a mcdonalds mcflurry with a large frie together...lol. this is my first so im confused. Ive had positive and negative hpts. I had a light 4 day bleeding from mar. 28-31. But i had these same symptoms including light cramping for two weeks before the light bleeding and i still have them Now. I have a dr. Appt tuesday...any encouragement or advice would be nice. Thank you!

 

[Hopeful2014]

Hi im a newbie to this site but everyone seems to be great! My question is ive taken several hpts and opks. I have been having all symptoms of early pregnancy except the vomiting. Breast ache, nausea throughout the day, light head achea, lower back pain, tight abdomen, extra gas, everything i eat i "number two" out. It looks like cat feces. Im tired and eating mostly salty foods and candy. I actually ate a mcdonalds mcflurry with a large frie together...lol. this is my first so im confused. Ive had positive and negative hpts. I had a light 4 day bleeding from mar. 28-31. But i had these same symptoms including light cramping for two weeks before the light bleeding and i still have them Now. I have a dr. Appt tuesday...any encouragement or advice would be nice. Thank you!

Are you using the same type of hpts or different brands? The brand might matter here. Are you using ones that just give you lines and they are hard to read? Some people get the hpt that give a "pregnant" or "not pregnant" reading. This might help. However, the doctor's appointment is probably the best option.

I can see why you're confused. Those symptoms could go either way. I'm not really sure what the answer is, but I do hope it works out for you.

 

[StillTrying81]

Hopeful2014, thank you for your response. I had a faint positive on a dollar store brand. Took a Frer this morning and nothing showed up. Took a Frer yesterday and got a negative. The faint positive i received 3-28-13 which is when i started my light bleeding. It ended on the 3-31-13. It just stopped. On 4-7-13, i tried an opk. I know thats not accurate but i was curious. It was positive. I just dont understand. If im not, what is relly wrong with me???

 

[Hopeful2014]

Hopeful2014, thank you for your response. I had a faint positive on a dollar store brand. Took a Frer this morning and nothing showed up. Took a Frer yesterday and got a negative. The faint positive i received 3-28-13 which is when i started my light bleeding. It ended on the 3-31-13. It just stopped. On 4-7-13, i tried an opk. I know thats not accurate but i was curious. It was positive. I just dont understand. If im not, what is relly wrong with me???

Some information I found:

"It is important to point out that the 90-99 percent test accuracy claims are generally true once a woman is further along in a pregnancy – just not during the first few days. This is why it is usually best to wait at least one week after a missed period to take a pregnancy test."
-from here

You may end up with false negative if:
-urine is diluted
-drinking too much before testing
-performed test too soon

Circumstances that may cause you to miss period/have odd period:
-stress
-excessive exercise
-illness
-hormonal imbalances
-chemical pregnancy


I also found where 8.5% of people received false negatives 21 dpo when using FRER here.


I'm not sure either way. Honestly, it can go either way. I would test with a very sensitive test (perhaps someone can tell her the best one to use). I really hope you find answers soon. This can be such a difficult process. Good luck.

 

[StillTrying81]

Thanks Lady! I will keep you posted as you are my first TTC friend on here...lol

 

[crayoncrittle]

When people say this to me I get so annoyed!! Sorry, but when you want something as badly as DH and I do, and you get let down or have to wait or whatever, you can't "just wait" or "just stop trying". It drives me MAD

 

[jessthemess]

I feel exactly the same!

The funny thing is yesterday my sister inlaw said it to me! Haha, she tried for 19 months to get pregnant! She was going on and on about how she couldn't believe how hard her and my brother tried and then the month after they quit caring they got pregnant!

I just feel like, BUT HOW! How do you just relax and quit trying? Haha I want it tooo much!

 

[worrying]

The more I actively ttc, the more I seem to feel this is completely out of my control.

So this brings me to my question.. When those highly annoying people try to offer their kind words of 'just relax' and "it will happen when the time is right"... Are they right?

Should I give up the opks and bbts and charts and calendars and just role with it?

Or will the stress of not knowing what my body is doing and when, be more stressful than the charts. I don't honestly think I find the charts much stress and more just a curiosity but I have a pretty reliable track record of watched pots never boiling... Maybe I am watching the pot too closely..

What do you think?

Xxx

I decided to go the route of no charting, no opks.. I even stopped loging on to B'n'b a year ago. No BFP in that time, so I'm back and this time on Clomid. I'm still not charting of using opks though, just regular bd'ing. I find it's better this way, it helps try to stop it being constantly on my mind.