"just relax. you're trying too hard"

[banana1011]

So, a few close friends and my mom know we're ttc (my mom and I are VERY close). And the 1 friend who just had a baby completely knows what we're going thru with the TTC journey...she was there and understands. But then I have 2 friends who have not TTC and have NO idea what we go through. Between them and my mom (who had her babies before turning 25 and was fertile myrtle)...their coined phrase is...

"Just relax. You're trying too hard."

Relax, yes...but just relax...no. Sitting back and relaxing (which is nearly impossible) will NOT get me a BFP. And WTF does that mean...trying too hard? Now, I know that I'm insane right now in the 2ww, but come on. It's not like while in the bedroom, I remind my DH that we're trying to make a baby! We don't "try" too hard in the bedroom! DH and I want a baby, and we really enjoy our sex lives atm because, well, we're boinking like rabbits! And it's fun! Trying too hard....phfff.

 

[Sue Dunhym]

If someone says that to you, you're actually legally allowed to kick their face off.

 

[banana1011]

Ha! I love it! I will threaten them next time!

 

[Chloe1]

yeah my sister said that to me the other day and i started crying she caught me on a bad day but i think she felt really bad!

People who are not ttc don't understand

ps, legally allowed to kick their face off.... i luv it

 

[Carrie29]

That's my worse sentence, i actually avoid telling people i'm ttc as i have a fear of hearing them saying that!

 

[TrishyC]

Unfortunately, it's the phrase one says when one doesn't know WTF to say!!

Fortunately, there are responses - like the one Sue offered - that put those people right back in their box!!

 

[DragonMummy]

that's like saying "it won't snow, it's too cold". (it manages to in the Arctic!) or like the people (my Mother) who said to me when I had PND "you just need to pull yourself together"



You also have my permission to smack their faces in. Repeatedly.

 

[JB'sBabyBoogy]

I had someone tell me a couple of months ago that I was trying too hard. This comes from someone who's already had her first child and didn't have to "try." That is probably the one comment that has upset me most out of all that I've heard so far. My family pretty much doesn't know that we are trying except my sister and my mother-in-law, who we weren't going to tell, but hubby leaked the info. Everyone at work knows I'm trying, and it was someone at work who said those dreaded words to me. I just wanted to cry, or tell her off. lol The newest one I've heard is "don't make it a science." ugh ..... Oh, but it IS a science!

 

[Jane1972]

I hate that one, although for me its 2nd to if its meant to be it will be!

 

[BlackAngelP]

I say we push THAT bill through congress!! Anyone who tells us to relax/stop trying/ or stop worrying and it will happen will be kicked square in the teeth! Also, those who say maybe it's not meant to be/isn't God's will may also be kicked- but where ever you see fit to.


Jen

 

[Kates1122]

oh i hate it when people say these things to me! especially people who have never had a kid...i can very well remember myself NEVER saying these things to my friend who had to try for 3 years, and i got preg first month off bc the first time....so i don't know why some people do it...however even tho i never said these things to my friend, she now says them to me now that i'm trying...lovely world isn't it.

 

[chanel]

If someone says that to you, you're actually legally allowed to kick their face off.

 

[kevbaby27]

"It will happen when the time is right!" Arrrrgghhh!

If someone says that to you, you're actually legally allowed to kick their face off.

x x

 

[puppymom32]

Like Seriously in the past five years do they not think I havent tried the relax and it will happen approach. Or I get when u stop trying it will happen really because I thought you had to do something for it to happen or are storks still delivering babies. I hate people sometimes. I agree a kick in the face would help.

 

[banana1011]

The last time my mom said "let nature take it's course" I told her easier said than done. Having all this knowledge at my fingertips and then ignore it would seem stupid. Why not use it to my advantage!

So, after all that...she says...so, when are you going to take a test? Well, if I were to let nature take it's course, I'd have to wait until AF was late, now wouldn't I.

OK, I'm so bitchy these past few days. I'm exhausted from traveling this weekend and I'm not feeling well today. I'm coming down with a stupid cold. Thanks to those coughing on the plane...and walking around in the rain for a few hours on Friday.

 

[Megg33k]

Let me sum this all up by saying that I "didn't try" for 2.5 years... and I got jack AND shit! So, "not trying" isn't always the best option. I hate people who say these things... especially the "maybe it's not God's will" shit. I'm sorry, but screw them... and their mothers for having them. How dare they tell someone that they aren't meant to have children? I'm a bad person with a terrible sense of humor, please understand this upfront... but if someone told me "Maybe it's not God's will for you to be a mother"... I would absolutely want to be like, "Maybe it's not God's will for you to keep breathing" and then punch them squarely in the windpipe. I'm not a religious girl... but even if I were... I think pulling the "God's will" card is the shittiest, lowest, most pathetic attempt at making someone feel worthless in such a way that they can't hardly even defend themselves. Sorry about the rant... but it really gets me heated when people pick on those who are suffering through the unimaginable pain of infertility issues.

to you all! And, I love the kicking in the face or wherever you see fit.

 

[nicholatmn]

If someone says that to you, you're actually legally allowed to kick their face off.

*prints this and puts in pocket-- just in case*

 

[Tulip]

If someone says that to you, you're actually legally allowed to kick their face off.

^^^ What she said LMFAO!!
I've now reached the point where I ask these people what the hell do they know. We relaxed for the first 5 months and didn't get prego... and this baby is so wanted, it'd be rude not to try hard for it!

 

[DragonMummy]

Nicely put Tulip x

 

[WannaB]

I think some people need think more before they speak sometimes, just for a second, before they utter whats on their mind. If they looked at fertility and all its issues as a definate medical condition rather than something thats a given like paint WILL dry it might cause people alot less frustration and heartache. If we had a massive brain tumour (god forbid anyone will/does/ever!!!) would they still be saying your trying too hard to get rid of it? Let it be its god's will? When the time is right it will go away?! Im thinking no!!! I like the saying "Walk a mile in someone elses shoes". Although Im not in the same boat as a lot of you lovley ladies, I feel like Im a bit selfish being here already blessed with two, just being greedy going back for a third, I can still empathise with you all and my heart breaks with every bloody bfn I see flashing. You just have to believe the time is right, and it will happen, and God gave you the ability to think and reason so why not use it to your advantage! You need a detailed plan to build a house, I see no difference when it comes to building such an important thing as another human being!