just sharing my wisdom - don't hate me!

[gemabee]

i'm a twin myself nd just wanted to let u all know somethin that twins / triplets / etc hate!!!

- matching outfits!!!!

urgh

obviously when they're little its cute... but when they get older nd want to find their own identity... don't make them wear identical outfits!!
my mum used to make us dress the same.... it was horrible... we felt like we had no individual identities nd it made us hate bein twins.
my dad (divorced parents) on the other hand would allow us to pick our own outfits when we stayed with him... it was bliss!
granted that sometimes we would actually choose to wear the same outfit... to play on the twin thing... but eventually we got so sick of bein forced into the same identity that we couldn't live together anymore!
my sister moved 200 miles away to live with our dad at the age of 13... it had got to the point that my sister wanted me to die so that she could have her own identity
we get on now... just... but hate anyone recognisin us as twins.
i strongly believe that if i'd been allowed my own identity as a child i would have had a more positive relationship with my sister.
i mean... how sad is it when a set of identical twins have such a sh*tty relationship??

xx

 

[chetnaz]

Hello, Thanks for the advice. I have identical twin boys and this was the main thing I was worried about when I heard I was having twins. I remember when I first told my family I told them NOT to buy matching outfits and I planned not to name them with similar names. Unfortunately the only boys names I seem to like are ones beginning with K so I've ended up with Kaya (my 4 year old son) Kaan and Kerem! It wasnt done intentionally because they are twins and Im sure the boys will see that when they realise their elder brother's name starts with a K too!

As for the outfits - errrr that kinda went out the window when they were born! lol. MOst of the gifts I got are identical outfits and so I sometimes find it easier to just dress them the same, but Im determined that that will stop once they get older. I actually cant wait to see the boys' personalities come through I that I can dress them accordingly. And I will actively encourage them to have their own style as they get older. I'm hoping my boys will grow up close and enjoying the fact that they are twins, rather than resenting it. The other thing I always do is call all three of them "the boys" as I dont want to exclude the eldest and I dont want to make the twins consious of the whole twin thing. Hoipefully we'll get it right x

 

[Deux]

Mine are still in my belly...but before I knew my boys were identical I was actually hoping for fraternal twins...doesn't that sound horrible? Honestly, I was sort of intimidated by the thought of having two kids with the same DNA, LOL! I thought maybe their bond would be so strong that they may not need me as much...sounds a little selfish, but I'm honest. Plus I have quite a rebelious streak and I have always personally enjoyed being different from the rest of the crowd, and was hoping my children would too. I was afraid that being identical, it may be just naturally harder for them to be original and think for themselves. NOW I feel blessed that they are identical....I mean, how COOL is that, that they once shared a cell? You are a part of something very amazing!!! Now I wouldn't want my boys to be any other way. Sometimes I will dress them alike while they are babies (thanks to all the peeps who bought the cute matching outfits!!). When they are old enough to care, it will be their decision, and I will always encourage them to be individuals and to think for themselves!!! I can't imagine someone trying to fit me into the same mold as someone else, even if it is my twin!! Especially if it is my twin!! Sounds terrible!!

Thanks for posting this, it's good insight. I hope you do understand that most people who are having twins do think about these things

 

[chetnaz]

Mine are still in my belly...but before I knew my boys were identical I was actually hoping for fraternal twins...doesn't that sound horrible? Honestly, I was sort of intimidated by the thought of having two kids with the same DNA, LOL! I thought maybe their bond would be so strong that they may not need me as much...sounds a little selfish, but I'm honest. Plus I have quite a rebelious streak and I have always personally enjoyed being different from the rest of the crowd, and was hoping my children would too. I was afraid that being identical, it may be just naturally harder for them to be original and think for themselves. NOW I feel blessed that they are identical....I mean, how COOL is that, that they once shared a cell? You are a part of something very amazing!!! Now I wouldn't want my boys to be any other way. Sometimes I will dress them alike while they are babies (thanks to all the peeps who bought the cute matching outfits!!). When they are old enough to care, it will be their decision, and I will always encourage them to be individuals and to think for themselves!!! I can't imagine someone trying to fit me into the same mold as someone else, even if it is my twin!! Especially if it is my twin!! Sounds terrible!!

Thanks for posting this, it's good insight. I hope you do understand that most people who are having twins do think about these things

I felt exactly the same way hun. When the sonographer said there are two heartbeats, the first thing that went through my head was "I hope theyre not identical"!

Like you said, I wouldnt change them for the world now, but unlike some people who keep telling me "theyve always wanted twins" when they see the boys, I've didnt want twins as I always thought it must be soo dificult being an individual and having your own identity when everyone sees you as only half a person without your twin.

I used to have twin friends at school and i used to get anoyed on their behalf when people saw them as one person (didnt seem to bother them tho). I guess its down to us to make sure they feel that they are unique and individual in their own way. As for the whole matching outfits thing - my sis had two sons 14 months apart and she always dressed them the same. My mum used to dress my 4 sisters all the same as kids (I escaped this they were in their teens when I came along) so its not just twins that are dressed the same. But it is very cool to have twins and extra special when identical in my opinion (im biased of course!) When are you due? Enjoy them when they arrive! xx

 

[Deux]

Chetnaz, it's good to know I'm not alone in the way I first felt! And I totally agree about siblings being dressed alike as well...I saw two little girls at the grocery store dressed exactly alike, thought they were twins, come to find out they were a year apart. They really did look identical, one was sitting down so I couldn't tell she was a few inches shorter I'm 37 weeks today! Hope they decide to come on their own, I don't want an induction

 

[chetnaz]

Oooh 37 weeks - well done you, I managed 36 wks and 4 days when they decided to come along. I was going to be induced at 37 weeks but a week before at my 36 week checkup my consultant asked how I was and when I said the boys arent moving as much as they were she said "I dont like the sound of that, maybe we should get them out now". She checked me and found that I was 3 cm dilated so I was induced that weekend. Thankfully the boys were good weights (5lb 8 and 4lb 13) and didnt need any time in the NICU - they came straight to the maternity ward with me and we were home the next day! Good luck, cant wait to see your boys and hear your story - not many mums here with identical boys that I know of so its nice to know of you. Take care hun x

 

[vineyard]

I dress my girls matching and coordinating and plan to until they tell me otherwise. I figured at the minimum by school age if not before then. They are fraternal and look nothing alike so definitely by the time they are old enough to decide differently, then I will oblige.

 

[bek74]

I see your point. I however I have Fraternal twins, One Boy and One Girl. At the moment I dress them similar. I buy the pink and blue versions of baby outfits cause it is cute, but as they get older I clearly can't do that and wouldn't anyway.

I think it is sad that you and your sister aren't very close even as adults, that you can't see what took place and grow and move forward and enjoy each other now as Adults.
Wish you all the best...

 

[Laura2919]

Chloe and Jaycee wear the same but not all the time.. I like them to have their own identity and to me that means clothing too!
If I go somewhere and they have a pack of two trousers I dont buy two I buy the one pack and they wear a pair each with the same top! My friend always dresses her twins the same.

 

[TwoBumps]

Sometimes I dress them the same, and sometimes in co-ordinating outfits! They look really cute in matching outfits and I don't have a problem with it while they are little. Once they are old enough to tell me what they want to wear then they can wear what they like, but at the moment I don't think there is any harm in it!

 

[I_AM_LIVID]

Interestingly, when I found out I was preggers with twins, I sore I would not dress them the same. However, when I started shoping for them I found myself co-ordinating boy-girl outfits and I have so much fun dressing them in he-she outfits. And at times, when I like an outfit that is unisex, I buy it for both just because I don't want to seem biased (sounds silly, I know). My 0-3 months and 3-6 months outfits are completely different though (dresses for the girl and pants and tees for the boy) so I'm confident this is a temperary arrangements for my newborns who I find mostly wear babygros and vests.